Hi. So I've posted about this guy before but I'll be brief. I've known him for a while and we've become relatively close he's very open with me (usually not always) and I'm nearly positive he's either gay or completely confused right now. I've noticed a lot of patterns and things going on with him right now that I went through myself. He's been very depressed and lonely and since his experiences almost have been exactly like mine I'm even more worried. I went through a time where I was extraordinarily depressed I almost became self abusive and considered and came very close to committing suicide a few times. I'm noticing that he's going through things that I went through when I felt very suicidal. Here's the difficult thing: I don't know how to tell his parents. I'm going to tell his parents I'm worried he is suicidal this week, but I have no idea how I can do it without either making them think he is gay or completely pissing him off and making him hate me. It's not a question of whether or not I'll talk to his parents, but it's more about how can I talk to them without it ruining my relationship with him and also keeping his parents in the dark about his sexuality.
Telling his parents is possible if you think it is serious - but have you thought of approaching the subject more directly with him yourself - maybe you could break through his shell and be a closer friend as a result? You don't even need to mention the gay word initially - just do it as a friend and give him time to lean on you first?
Just continuing being a good friend to him . I know sometimes it may frustrate you if he hasn't told you certain things (like if he may be gay or not) but just give it some time. People deal with things differently. If things do seem to get serious then perhaps speak to him in confidence and say that you are always there and perhaps even speak to his parents about it.
I think it would be better to try and talk to HIM rather than his parents. From the previous posts I think he likes you... so maybe you could somehow tell him that you like him as well?
The thing with this is I honest to god think he is suicidal. And I don't go to school with him and don't see him all the time I can't keep an eye on him and be as involved with him as I'd like to be. This was more about making sure he is safe right now. I'm just trying to figure out how I can say "your son is depressed because he's confused and I think he may be suicidal," without the confused part. If I just say he's suicidal to them I want to try to explain why without letting on about the fact he is confused.
You need to talk to him first, but go to his parents if it's as serious as you say. He will be mad at first, I can almost promise you that. A few years ago I was suicidal and my one friend cared enough to go to the guidance counselor and talked to her for me. I was pissed, still am, but I understand that she had the best intentions. Granted part of the reason I was so pissed was because she went to see my guidance counselor with my crush at the time and outed me. Is there any indication why his parents may not be accepting? In normal scenarios I would be against outings, especially to parents, but in these cases, it may need to be done. You need to tell someone, whether it be his parents or yours, someone. You need to talk to your friend and ask him what's wrong, if he says nothing, don't give up. Your friend needs help and what you plan to do is what is right. Best of luck!
From what I can get out of him they aren't very accepting of him even now. I honestly have no idea what I should do.
You need to talk to someone, some trusted adult. Suicidal threats and personalities are not something to be taken lightly. I honestly scare myself sometimes thinking about the place I could've been in if my friend hadn't gone to my guidance counselor. If you can get him him to talk with his parents, maybe you could sit in too to show that you are equally worried and care for him too much to see him hurt himself.
I'm going to go to his schools guidance department and tell them what's going on. They will keep an eye on him. I just don't know how to go to his parents.
I know in the past when I've been so depressed that I had suicidal thoughts, there wasn't only one thing going on in my life that was depressing me. Maybe if you think you need to talk to his parents, it would be okay to say something like "I've noticed that he seems depressed, and I I'm not sure why, but I went through something similar once so I'm worried about him." Even if they know that you're gay, that approach doesn't bring up anything about orientation, and there could be a lot of other reasons why he could be depressed (whether or not he's gay or confused about orientation), which they probably would think of first if they're not quite so understanding of lgbt issues yet. The important thing is that they could then help support him right away with the things that he is comfortable telling them about, even if they don't realize everything that's going on. And I would definitely recommend talking to him about it privately first, so you can get a better idea of if it would be a good idea to tell them. I really hope things work out! Please keep us updated.
The main person to talk to, or more accurately, listen to, is your friend. Ask him how he is really feeling and tune into what he is saying to you (the verbal and non-verbal). Don't be afraid to ask how bad things are or if he is having despairing thoughts? It's not the sort of information that gets offered up is it? Let him talk and don't be quick to advise or try to put a sticking plaster on his feelings. He has the right to feel the way he feels at the moment and needs support more than anything else. Also, don't be quick to change the subject or try to distract him with chit chat as the feelings will only return with a vengeance. He needs to feel that he can talk to you and trust you. I would urge you not to go talking to other people as their interference could undermine his confidence and trust in you and create a barrier that will prevent him from talking openly. If your friend is indeed suicidal, the last thing you want is barriers and closed down conversation. He will need you. If you need to talk about it to someone (and you may find that you do), share your concerns with a service that is confidential and skilled in dealing with these matters. Check out Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide - most of these helplines can support you while you are trying to support him.
