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Feeling weird about my best friend's romantic relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ieak, Feb 23, 2014.

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  1. ieak

    ieak
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    (Sorry about some grammatical errors in advance. English is my second language.)

    Okay, this is my first time to post. I'm 20-something male from some asian country.
    My German guy friend and I have been really good friends for a year. We hanged out a lot talking about everything like life, sexual experiences, college etc..He carpooled me almost everyday and because of our school system we are almost together (not romantically) all the time and shared a lot of fun moments. I even stayed at his place and slept on his couch throughout a week. I'm sort of bisexual (no sexual experiences with guys so far tho) and I liked him a lot. Probably more than I should as a buddy. I didn't expect anything romantic from him and I was happy with this close-but-not-too-close relationship with my best friend...until he found a girl.

    Okay, this is what happened. Last term He and one of my classmates(girl) started getting close. Since I knew him really well(or at least I thought i knew him really well), I thought their relationship was just a regular boy-and-girl friendship and nothing more than that. To me, they are like two puppies biting each other softly (hope it makes sense lol). I mean nothing romantic. I was cool with it even though we didn't hang out as often as we used to any more. I felt a bit sad but friendships will change anyways(right?) and I assumed they are just close friends, nothing special.

    I knew people were gossiping about them but i didn't change my assumption; he is still my close friend and they are just friends too. However, i noticed that the atmosphere between them changed these days and the way he talks to the girl is so gentle. He's been kinda off for two weeks. Yesterday I finally asked him if he was dating with the girl. His answer was yes. They started dating two weeks ago. I was like hit by a thunder. I kinda teased him on the way pretending I was totally happy with their relationship,but after he left I felt something weird. I don't know if it's jealously or sadness. I even couldn't sleep last night when I imagine them hugging, kissing or more. I can't name my feelings and don't know how to deal with them.

    Rationally I understand friendships are temporary in many cases but I feel a little bit... sad or lonely. and my heart hurts a little when I see them smile each other or when i see she is in the position i used to be. As his best friend, I really want to celebrate his new romance but my feelings just get in the way.

    Am I just missing the old friendship we used to have or liking him too much?
    I'm sooo confused and it's killing me. I'd be happy to hear some feedbacks or your experiences(and how you deal with them if possible).

    Thank you for reading this ridiculously unorganized thread.
     
    #1 ieak, Feb 23, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2014
  2. resu

    resu
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    I'm sorry for your disappointment. I also developed a crush on a German exchange student who used to ride the same bus. I got the courage to talk to him and his friend (another German student), and we became kind of friends. He was just so nice and easy to talk to, always smiling at me. But at the very end of his internship, he mentioned that it was sad he's leaving, but the only reason he wants to go home was to be with his girlfriend. I was pretty devastated since he had never mentioned her before, while trying to put on a happy face.

    So, I think your emotions are totally understandable. Love can hurt, especially when it's hidden. I think if this guy is really your best friend and you trust him, it might be very helpful to come out to him. It's best not to tell him your feelings at the same time, especially since he's in a relationship, but hopefully that will allow you to be more comfortable and focus on other guys who are single and potential partners. For me, I find it hard to maintain a crush on a guy who I'm sure is straight; it's only the ones who I'm unsure of that give me lots of problems and heartache.
     
    #2 resu, Feb 23, 2014
  3. jonnemack

    jonnemack
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    I was in the same place where you were, back in my teenage days in 2008.

    The guy I liked never knew I was gay, we still talk sometimes and my feelings for him are deeply true and secret. It was my first love, so it was really intense.

    I am sorry to share my experience, but when he started dating a girl, I felt the same way and then I lost him forever. Again, I am sorry, but this guy is straight. I know you can't chose who you like or not, but you'll have to manage it.
     
    #3 jonnemack, Feb 23, 2014
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