I'm having a difficult time controlling my feelings for best friend(straight). He has been in my life since I was five. I asked a while back if should tell my him what I feel towards him but ultimately decided not to. I just didn't want him to think that all i wanted was to have sex with him. He means quite a lot to me, border-lining unhealthy I think i would do anything for him. He listened to me when i told him I might be bi/gay and was supporting, kind and caring, he's always fair when it comes to money and helping me out (really the only one of my friends that does this) really, he keeps me together he's never let me down. He hasn't treated me any different after coming out and always listens when i have a problem, and I try to do the same for him. I think he'll always have a place in my heart. He's straight though and I know it would super weird if I told him how I felt. I live with him and work with him so I see him almost everyday, and while we were in high school we were each others only real friends. He's never left me and I've never left him. He comes to me when he's depressed and I do the same. I really can't picture my life with out him. I am falling apart with this, because I know someday he'll meet someone and move on and I know that i'll have to let him. I have made up some many things in my head to convince my self that he might be gay and into to me but in the end deep down I know that's probably bs. I don't know what to do, I've never cared so much about someone other than my family, I just want to do what's right and I don't want to hold him back, he doesn't deserve that. He's good looking charming and an all around awesome person. I'm shy overweight and not very sure of my self. He could do better than me. I just can't do this anymore, we're so close we are just about in a relationship we hang out a lot, just took a trip with a few other friends and we shared food and drinks as well as slept in the same bed. This whole thing is really starting to eat me up. I don't know what to do. Advice?
I don't believe he would think you just want sex. I think if he thought that he would have stopped hanging out with you much earlier. The fact that you're still friends shows that he knows you're not just out for sex. So I think that telling him about your attraction would not make him treat you any different than he did when you came out. Heck, he might already know/suspect that you have feelings for him and be completely okay with it. If you mean as much to each other as you say, I honestly doubt that something as simple as you being attracted to him would have much effect on your friendship. I also don't think you're holding him back at all. You can't feel responsible for someone else's life. If he's choosing to stick by you, then that's his choice and it shows how much he cares for you as well. And just because he finds someone doesn't mean he'll move on. As close as you two sound, I think he'll be one of the people you definitely keep in touch with. And saying that "he could do better than you" is a very self-deprecating statement. He can't "do better than you" because you're the best there is for him. Just because there might be someone out there who is better looking in your opinion or more charming in your opinion, there's a reason he's stuck with you this long, and it's because you're the best for him. Honestly, though, I think you should tell him. I really don't think it would have that dramatic of an effect on your relationship, and it might even serve to make it stronger. Tell him everything, too, and let him take it the way he wants to. Tell him you know he's straight and that there's no chance of anything happening between you two, but you just want him to know that you love him as more than a friend. As long as you respect his boundaries and make sure he knows that you will, I don't think that there's a whole lot of bad that could come out of telling him.
Someone who has known you for 20 years is not someone who will easily reject you. Sure, he may retreat after knowing (going through the standard "grief" process), but he should come around.
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way about him I also do not think he will take it too badly if you tell him how you feel. As long as you ensure him that you respect that he can't feel the same way and that you value his friendship and don't want to lose that. It's good that you two support each other so much. See if you can turn your attention to maybe some other guys in the meantime.
Thanks for the replies, while I know I should tell him, and that he probably wouldn't care I'm still scared. While he is a great person with a big heart there's still this thought in the back of my head that I would ruin everything by telling him. He even once told my he wouldn't know what to do if I told I had feelings for him and that he would probably just hide in his room. He's not homophobic but he has not had much experience with gay people, and I know a few times this situation had made him a little uncomfortable. He's trying very hard though and has not gave me a hard time about it.
Well, it's your call. But I think if you feel you need to do it, then you should do it. He might be taken aback a bit... but as long as you assure him you don't want the friendship to change I think he will come around fine.
It's been almost a month since I last posted and while I haven't told him we've got closer. It was my birthday yesterday and the day before that I was feeling pretty down. Enough so that I asked if he had time to talk. He took the the time and we went for a drive. I told him how depressed I was about my sexuality and how I feel so lonely sometimes and about how I was very conflicted about coming out.That I didn't want to lose friends and family. He was so nice to me, he told me that it's my life and I need to do what's right he also said he thinks it shouldn't be this be this hard for LGBT people. He told me I shouldn't care what people think and live my life my way and that any friends I lost weren't true friends. I have NEVER had someone be this encouraging to me in my whole life. Then for my birthday, he made me a card bought me a cake and some wax for my car. He's never done that for me before and was the only one of my friends that got me something we usually don't really do gifts being we're a little poor lol. I think even I sometimes underestimated how much he actually cared. He's never reacted this way before. He's someone I never want to lose. It makes it harder for me though he really is an awesome person. This took me so off guard that, I could of cried (in fact I did when I was alone). It's good to know I have friends like this. I can only hope that one day I have the chance to be the friend he has been to me, I have been so weak lately that I'm not much support. If he needs anything at all I'll do my best to be there.
It's really good he has your back. You don't have to do anything expensive to show your appreciation. Just tell him how he has made you feel better, or maybe do some random act of kindness when he doesn't expect it.
