Crush on straight friend

I am currently a senior in high school. During my first semester, I felt almost lonely and empty the entire time, despite the fact that I have many great friends.

Now that it is second semester, I am taking another class which I have every single school day. In this class, I sit next to a guy who is now my friend. He is the most attractive person (appearance-wise) I've met at this high school; I'd described him as the rocker type with spiky hair and nice facial hair. Personality-wise, he's even more attractive; he is extremely funny yet quite intelligent. He can be so random and odd at times, but so can I!

At first, I was a bit awkward acting around him, but now I can have an enjoyable conversation with him, although there are still awkward moments every now and then. I am sure he is straight, and I'm sure he knows I'm gay because he said I was a faggot when he was talking to his other friend before I really got to know him (or at least I think it was directed at me; but I'm generally a calm and forgiving person). He makes what could have been the most boring class ever into the class that I look foward to the most. He can be moody at times, but I can be as well; I can be a bit sensitive of the way he feels - whenever he's in a bad mood, I get in a bad mood, and whenever he's energetic, I get energetic.

The sad thing is is that I think about him way more than he thinks about me; for all I know, I probally disappear from his mind the moment he leaves the classroom. In contrary, he occupies a great majority of my thoughts (I have had dreams of him for the past two nights). I wish I could control myself, but I don't know how. So the question is, how can I control myself and lessen my obsession with him? I don't want to not talk to him anymore because he's a pretty cool fellow. I don't have this problem with all of my other straight male friends, though I think they are all beautiful in their own way and I would probally go after them if one of them turned out to be gay.

I actually felt a bit releived when he didn't show up for class today, but at the same time, it was extremely boring. I can't wait to see him tommorow in class :love:

 

Thanks all! Afer thinking about it, there is alot to learn from this situation. I'd like to come out to him, which is going to be difficult since I've never come out to a straight guy before. If he accepts me, then I'll know that I've made a good friend; If he doesn't, then I'll be hurt a bit, but at least he'll be out of my mind. I prefer to be quiet about being gay, but how am I ever going to find that "someone special" if I keep hiding it?

Also, I really admire his sense of humor and his will be different and unique. I've noticed that I am loosening up a bit and showing my humorous side, so I suppose I am trying to be like him in a way. I learn a lot from my friends, and I haven't really noticed it until now!

So yes, I have learned something

This spring break is a bore, and I can't wait to go back to school (yeah, its quite a shocker for a high school student to actually enjoy going to school and hate staying home - summer is torture for me - ). I also realize that I only have less than 8 weeks of school left, and I want to show as much love and appreciation to my friends because theres a chance that I'll never see them again. Hopefully, he thinks of me as a good friend, because that's whats most important to me right now. I used to be more of a lonely/quiet guy in my earlier years in school, so I definately know how to appreciate all of the good friends I have as of now.

Thanks again, I'll be sure to drop by again soon!