Depressed friend acts bubbly and happy

There are several common ways people react when you tell them they have depression.

1. They tell you about a time they were sad and insist they know how it feels
2. They tell you that everyone get's sad occasionally and pretend depression doesn't REALLY exist
3. They carry on as if you never said anything
4. They panic and start trying not to upset you

Now currently, you are thinking of number 4. You don't want to make your friend feel bad, and as admirable as that is in theory, in practice it's one of the worst things you can do! Depression is really hard to understand. See some people observe those of us with it and think that basically we are one comment away from the pills. Sometimes this is the case, but most of the time it isn't. Depression affects you in ways you don't expect, ways that don't even make sense a lot of the time.

Joking about and treating her like you normally do means that you've heard about her depression and you didn't get freaked out. It means you heard it and thought 'normal person who has depression' rather than 'depressed person', and that might seem like a small difference but trust me it makes all the difference in the world sometimes!

Probably the most important thing to realise is that even if you decided to watch the things you say and joke about, I am prepared to bet the things you decided to not say where the things she would find funny. This stuff goes deep. REALLY deep. If you wanted to avoid everything that could set someone off, you'd never speak again! Treat her like you always do!

 

If she has been clinically diagnosed it may be that her depression is under good control right now. She may be taking medication and may even have had counselling/therapy that could have helped an awful lot in helping her to lead a relatively 'normal' life. In combination, both of these things can work very well.

Depression is often misunderstood and affects different people in different ways on different days. No two people will experience depression in exactly the same way. Some people end up in a very bad place with depression, while others carry on quite well with a little extra support. It is a very common illness, but can be incredibly complex.

Don't change your behaviour. Getting back to normality is half the battle with depression and having a good friend to laugh and joke with is er... perfectly normal.

 

If she has been clinically diagnosed it may be that her depression is under good control right now. She may be taking medication and may even have had counselling/therapy that could have helped an awful lot in helping her to lead a relatively 'normal' life. In combination, both of these things can work very well.

Depression is often misunderstood and affects different people in different ways on different days. No two people will experience depression in exactly the same way. Some people end up in a very bad place with depression, while others carry on quite well with a little extra support. It is a very common illness, but can be incredibly complex.

Don't change your behaviour. Getting back to normality is half the battle with depression and having a good friend to laugh and joke with is er... perfectly normal.

 

Having a good laugh and a joke is probably exactly what she needs. For many people depression is at its worst when they are left alone with their thoughts - the best thing that you can do is, IMO;

1. Don't change how you act, or what you talk about - carry on exactly as normal.
2. If she starts talking about depression/personal things that are bothering her, just listen. Don't try to offer advice. Just be there for her, be sympathetic and let her talk.
3. Cut her some slack. If she goes cold for a time or doesn't respond to calls/texts, don't assume anything - just keep on inviting her to things / suggesting you meet up or hang out.

I had an old school friend who did exactly this - we met up every couple of weeks in the pub and just talked about whatever. It meant the world to me. I literally had to drag myself out of bed and spend an hour on the train back to my hometown - but just catching up with him and feeling 'normal' for a few hours was exactly what I needed. I'm sure I came across as happy and bubbly during these meetups - which was in complete contrast to how I was for most of the rest of the time.

I'm sad to say that for a period of a few months I'd shut pretty much everyone else out of my life - but right on cue, every other friday he'd send me a text suggesting we go down the pub. I'd turn up late, find excuses, generally be a hopeless anxious wreck etc, but get me in that pub, talking about nothing in particular and i'd suddenly feel human again.

I've never told him I was deeply depressed at the time, or how much those pub sessions meant to me. Maybe I will one day.

 

The subject line describes me pretty well. At least at work I'm certain I appear pretty outgoing and laid back, when in fact I drink myself to sleep most nights because I'm so severely depressed. Although I have been a little better lately.

Answering your question with any certainty is difficult since none of us know your friend. Speaking strictly for myself, I experience no paradox laughing and joking with my co-workers (I don't say "friends" because I don't have any at present) while also feeling darn near suicidal a lot of days. At most, the laughter will feel a bit bitter to ejaculate, but pleasurable in its way nonetheless. At any rate, I don't ever project this bitterness onto the ostensibly happy people around me. This is a long way of saying that, no, I don't think you should be worried about laughing and joking around your friend. You may be fulfilling an essential need she has for you as a friend by being able to laugh and joke with her. I'm sure that if she ever intimates she might have needs from you of a more heart-to-heart/crying shoulder nature, you will be there for her too. You sound like a great friend to have.