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Got Drunk And Told My Best Friend How I Feel

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hello There, Mar 3, 2014.

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  1. Hello There

    Hello There
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    Hey, I haven't been on this in a while but right now I just don't know where to go for some advise. I've seen some posts a little similar but couldn't quite get the answers I'm looking for so here goes.

    Basically it all starts with my best friend, we've been friends for about 14 years give or take and been pretty much inseparable since except when i dropped out of school for personal reasons a year early and we never spoke for about 2 years until one day around christmas 2 years ago he sent me a text asking to meet back up and catch up. We've become as close as we used to be since even though we don't see eachother as often as we used to but whenever we can we visit eachother and its great (in a sense). I'm rambling a bit now so I suppose I'll get more to the point, from a very young age (about 9 or 10) we began little experiments were we'd show eachother "things" and touch eachother and stuff but then by the age of 13 we escalated a lot and had sex. We pretended it never happened and things got a little awkward at first then a few months later it happened again and that's when i said no because at the time I was "straight". Nothing happened then again until after the 2 years we didn't see eachother. We met up and had a few drinks were he basically came out to me (I was already out at the time) and we laid together on my bed sort of cuddling and talked about it before we ended up having sex again, and then it became a regular thing whenever we met, the only thing we haven't done it kissed (even though I'm pretty sure we've come close but not quite got there). About a year ago we both decided that it couldn't carry on because it might have effected our pretty much life-long friendship and we both said there's no feelings involved in it so we shouldn't do it, even though I'd always get the feeling that more could come from it because of the way we acted together, when watching movies he'd always rest his head on my shoulder and if we were just lying talking our faces would be mere inches from eachother and he's always seems to go out of his way for a bit of contact...

    We both moved on pretty quickly after that but my friend couldn't go and meet people without me being there which was always awkward and I'd have to watch him getting along with other guys and I suppose i got kind of jealous because i was using my time to help him meet people. That went on until pretty much recently, the only reason it's stopped now is because of just the other night. We decided we wanted to go out and try some gay clubs (with him not being out he just wanted to see what his life could be like I guess and me being the only one who knows about him is why he wanted me to go with him) and that's basically where my problem started, the more I got drunk I got more touchy feely than I probably should have and then I just realized then that I had feelings for him, and being drunk I went all funny and he noticed, he asked me what was wrong and I said I can't say because I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all but once he pushed for answers I broke down and told him. He's been trying to get me to talk to him since and I know I should but I can't help but avoid him, he says he's always made his feelings clear and if i talk to him and hear that face to face I know it'll only crush me and I might not wanna see him again. I don't really know what to do, I've never felt like this before with anyone and the more I think about it the more I realize I've knew how I felt for a lot longer than I thought but just didn't want to accept it. I've replied back to his many messages now saying he's right we need to talk but I don't know what to say to him when we meet. I don't know how he feels himself but it seems right now that I'm obviously just a really good friend to him but sometimes I just feel like even he wants more but like me just won't admit it to himself.

    I know I've ranted for a bit now so I'll just leave it at that but if anyone has any ideas what I can say to him when I next see him or any advice how to get over him whilst maintaining the friendship will be much appreciated.

    Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Hello There, Mar 3, 2014
  2. GayDadStr8Marig

    GayDadStr8Marig
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    When you guys meet, I'd say the most important thing for you to do is really listen to him. You've laid out how you feel about him; you told him you love him but would rather have him as a friend than not at all. Listen to how he responds to that when you talk to him.

    Since his is not out, be prepared for his response to be different than it would be if he were already out of his closet. Even if he says he really likes you but wants to keep it at a friend level right now, try to find out if there is more in the future if he were out of the closet. You also need to ask yourself if you're prepared to have a closeted boyfriend; it will make things more complicated for you both.

    Above all, if you really do value the friendship above a relationship with him, make sure he understands that, and make sure you can live up to that commitment. Otherwise, you're setting both of you up for disappointment and a broken friendship down the line.

    -Rich
     
    #2 GayDadStr8Marig, Mar 3, 2014
  3. HIL91025

    HIL91025
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    Just be understanding of the situation, and I will believe you will respond in the right way. Good luck, let us know how it goes :slight_smile:
     
    #3 HIL91025, Mar 3, 2014
  4. Hello There

    Hello There
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    He came over a couple of hours ago but neither of us could say anything, we pretty much just went on the way we normally would. I noticed he was more touchy feely than usual and kind of kept pulling my face towards his a lot but then one point he held my face looking at his and we seemed to just look at eachother for a while but then he seemed to start moving his head closer but we laughed it off and went on as if it was nothing. He left shortly after that and I just texted him saying I want to put it behind us now and I just need some space and he just said ok and left it at that... Not sure if it's what I should have said but its just how I felt at the time.
     
    #4 Hello There, Mar 3, 2014
  5. lameo

    lameo
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    At least you had the courage to do something about it, no judgment here. My best friend will never know..
     
    #5 lameo, Mar 4, 2014
  6. tacoma048

    tacoma048
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    Hi hello there
    You should really ask yourself a few question before you tell him how you feel.
    1) do you know what you want to get out of telling him how you feel.
    2) if you did tell him how you feel, and he reciprocated the feeling. Are you willing to start a relationship with him?
    3) if you did tell him how you feel, and he did not reciprocate the feeling. Will you be ok with just being friends?.
    4) if you decide not to tell him how you feel, will you be ok with keep all that emotion bottled in?

    Telling someone you care for them on a deeper level, is a really loaded thing. The last question might be the hardest to answer. I for one have been in a couple of situations where I kept things bottled up and it just drove me bananas
    The good thing for you, is you guys have been friends for such a really long time. I honestly don't think anything can ruin that kind of friendship. Sure it may be awkward in the beginning but as time passes it just becomes a memory.
    In all honesty, telling him how you feel will lighten you up. It's a risk, where it can go either way. But a life without risk is a life not worth living. We take risk every day as soon as we get out of bed we start taking risk. But that's the great think about life is the risk. It could be the best thing you ever done or it could be a thing where you mature from and still keep a friend in the process.

    But bottom line is go for it and whatever happens, happens. "The hardest part is letting go". So just close your eyes and let go : )

    Just my 2C
     
    #6 tacoma048, Mar 4, 2014
  7. Hello There

    Hello There
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    The problem isn't so much telling him because he has a very good idea now anyway it's just where i can go from it... Being friends for so long I don't know if making something as big as a relationship out of it would be a very good idea but at the same time I do enjoy his company... ALOT lol. I just wish I knew where I stood with him, whenever we're talking or watching movies it's kind of intimate but apparently he claims to not feel anything so I don't know if I'm just trying to see something out of nothing or if he genuinely might actually feel the same
     
    #7 Hello There, Mar 4, 2014
  8. dapulu

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    You should have kissed him!...And then laugh about it.

    Just take into account that he's the one in the closet, so it'd probably be a lot harder for him to tell you his feelings, whatever they are. (Does that make sense? Not my native language)

    If you won't give the step in that stairway, take into account that he needs to claw out of the earth first to arrive to the same place you're at right now.

    My two cents. :slight_smile: Good luck!
     
    #8 dapulu, Mar 4, 2014
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