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Another "crush on a friend". What should I do ?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Fimo, Mar 4, 2014.

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  1. Fimo

    Fimo
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    Hello every one !
    As every human being I have some issues, actually heart issues :3 ! You supposedly understood it from the title of my post: yes it concerns a crush on a good (girl-)friend.
    Let me tell you a story :slight_smile: :

    - Once upon a time, 10 years ago actually, my parents used to befriend with a very nice couple with two very nice children: a young boy and his older sister Clara. I didn't really like this girl at first sight, actually I was jealous. That being because she jumped a class and she was obviously better than me in every field ! I Met her only three or four times in all, but I still remembered her.

    - Once upon another time, at last 3rd of September actually, I met this girl again: she would be one of my classmates for the year !
    Firstable, I just had this feeling she was this girl I used not to fancy.
    Then she talked to me saying " Hey I think I know you, but from where could that be ?"
    As a result we both asked our mothers,
    and went to the conclusion that we already knew eachothers.
    We became quite close (*hug*) , always laughing and having fun together (!) !
    Then we had a party where I understood that I was falling for her :icon_redf !
    And you know the first month of being in love are sooo beautiful ... You are feeling good, you're all romantic, and life is so welcoming again !

    But now it's been about five month and the wonderful times are over!
    Before christmas holidays it was all good, we talked every day at school, and when we got home we were sending each other texts for hours before we went to sleep.
    At the beginning of 2014, she stopped texting me every day, we barely texted once a week :icon_sad:! And at school, she stoped sitting next to me in class, and never eats with me at noon anymore :tears:. It's not like it stoped from one day to the next, but it's how i felt it ! When I was in my all-wonderful world i didn't care about that because I thought that she was "my soulmate" and that there were no way we wont end up together some day ... God i really feel like I talk like a child !

    And now I am depressed because I faced the truth: i will never be with her ! But you know, I always listened to the people who told me never to give up. And that was quite my motto fo life. But now, I don't know what to do anymore, because I know that sticking to her wont make her love me, and it won't make her gay ... Maybe this time I should give up ...

    Talking about her sexuality; I don't know ... It's complicated: One friend tells me they had a talk, and she told him she was not interested in girls ... but the talk was last year. I thought I was 100% straight last year ! And she is one year younger than me so obviously she still has time to maybe realize she's attracted to girls, right ?
    Then, another friend tells me that she often tries to lead the conversation to the theme of sexuality and "girls who like girls" ... Either it's her monthly obsession :icon_wink , or it means something (does it ?) !
    Also I caught her looking at me more and more often lately ... but i don't know, maybe I just fantasize !
    Concerning myself, I am out as bi to most of my friends, but she remains one of the rare who I never told directly. I never had any oportunity to come out to her, because the only times we talked about sexuality issues, we were in public or with other friends I don't want to come out to (because it's none of their buisness :wink: ) So I don't know if she knows ... But i suppose she doesn't.

    And now there is another problem: this guy (let's call him Guy), who's been quite close to her lately. Guy's always talking to her, wants her to sit next to him ... also when we talk to Guy about Clara and him he shuts up and get embarassed :3 yeah I guess Guy's also kinda crushing on her, or he's just weird cause they're not even that close !
    The thing is I don't know - and I don't think it is mutual, because, yeah she likes to talk to him, but we all like it when someone gets nice to us like that ! And she won't push him back ... but at the same time she's (almost) never the one talking to him first!
    Still, I am quite affraid that he will ask her out and she will say yes and they will start dating ... and as the three of us are in the same class, i'll have to face them every day !

    She might not be the most attractive girl, she might not have the best temper, maybe she's not perfect, but I love her ...

    I considered letting her know how I feel, but a friend advises me not to do so because it didn't end well for him...
    Will it release me to do so, or will it make me feel even worse ? Is it at least a good idea ? If so, When ? How ? by text, phone, face to face ? What should I say ? What if it turns bad and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, What are the ods for this scenario to happen ? Can she even like me back ?

    Now dont tell me that she doen't like me if she ignores me ... because i am doing the same right now, and as we are both quite shy :/ ... So I stoped texting her too. We currently have two weeks of holidays here in France and it's been a week and a half I am waiting for a sign of life from her, but I ficking didn't send her a message ... I remain here waiting ! What's wrong with me :bang: ?

    So yeah I think kinda stupid posting this, but I don't know what to do ... do I tell her or do I shut up forever ? Do I try to forget her ? If so How ??

    Thanks so much if you can help <3 <3 :slight_smile:
    And sorry again for the lengh, i definitely can't do short x)
    You are courageous if you made it to the end of my post ^^
     
    #1 Fimo, Mar 4, 2014
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    The age you two are at is a complicated one, with tons and tons of conflicting feelings entering and leaving your heads very rapidly.

    You may have accepted and come to terms with being bisexual, but she might be feeling very conflicted about the type of relationship the two of you had.
    Perhaps she's not bisexual/lesbian at all, and she felt uncomfortable being so close of friends with you.

    Sadly, I can't tell you what's bothering her because I know her less well than you do.

    My advice is to take her word for it that she's straight. If she says she's not interested in women, don't pursue or confess those types of feelings with her.
    Things may change in the future, but based on how she has reacted so far, I don't think it'd be wise to re-stir the boiling pot of confused feelings simmering between you two.

    Could you lose her as a friend? Possibly.
    I had an amazing friend all of my childhood that came to an abrupt ending when I was thirteen because we both had conflicting sexual feelings, and I didn't have the courage to talk to him again, even at his mother's funeral.
    That's just the nature of some friendships, unfortunately.

    However, I think that you could try to re-kindle the friendship that you two had. Try texting her, or talking to her. She STILL might not be comfortable talking to you, which is very sad, but we all deal with things differently.

    If things do end up for the worst and you don't talk anymore, it might just be time to move on.

    This is how I would approach the situation, but I'm not you. You alone know who she is and how she operates. I'm just offering what advice and thoughts I can.

    Best of luck. You're in a very tense situation, and I'm sorry things aren't working out for the better right now. (*hug*)
     
    #2 TJ, Mar 4, 2014
  3. Fimo

    Fimo
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    Fist of all, Thank you for answering fast :slight_smile:
    Now, We still talk, and I won't say it's really awkward between us, it's just that we dont talk as much and it feels like a void to me. But we still laugh together, just not as often, as if she was bored of me :/ !
    And lately she disapointed me about something, and I felt really bad. So I tried to ignore her and try not to talk to her. But I was only able to avoid her for 5 minutes, because went I went at school on monday morning, I was talking with a bunch of friends and she came behind me ... so I kissed her hello said "hi! :slight_smile:" and shits ! And the same week she was all nice again, she talked to me every day at school, and the week after she talks fewer to me again ... Why ?!
    Gosh women are so hard to understand xD
     
    #3 Fimo, Mar 6, 2014
  4. allyssa

    allyssa
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    I want to add something. You're very young and I understand you have figured yourself out. But just because she's your age, doesn't mean she'll figure herself out either. I didn't figure out who I really was til college.

    As for your relationship with her, get together to do homework or something after school. Ask her then and try to talk more. Since you've come out to a couple of friends already I would just tell her. Hey I think you're one of my closer friends and I wanted to tell you something important. Talk about you for a while. Maybe she'll open up about herself. She might not even be there yet, but it could open a door to her that she might want to take too.

    That's just my opinion. I hope things work out with you and her. n_n
     
    #4 allyssa, Mar 6, 2014
  5. Fimo

    Fimo
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    Yeah I guess I could do that ... I already consideredto do so, but I'm kind of a shy perso and I don't like saying things like that ... I usually came out when the subject was already in the conversation.
    But I'll try after the end of the holidays, Thanks :wink:
    By then do you think I should try to text her or anything ?
     
    #5 Fimo, Mar 6, 2014
  6. Renge

    Renge
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    Yeah text her like a friend would do. Star a conversation, just do it casually, it won't be weird :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Renge, Mar 8, 2014
  7. Fimo

    Fimo
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    So as you suggest I text her last evening. She answered right away and we chat until midnight :grin: But at one moment of the conversation, I started to kinda "flirt" with her (if i can say so) and she respond by flirting back, i mean, she got caught in my little game. So here's a quick translation of how i went:
    (I was saying funny stupids things in the last texts, so i said: )
    "Wow, I'm on fire tonight !" - "And what gets you like this ?"
    "You ! No seriously idk, maybe a lighter :wink:" - "What if i'm the lighter (ok that was shit, i get out ^^)"
    "Oh yeah turn me on xD (so, do I go out too?)" - "(Yeah, so we can go out together :wink: )"
    Technically there are two meanings for this phrase ... is there a hidden message ?
    After that we kept casually joking on the fact of "going out" in two or three texts :thumbsup: !
    Today we took back school, and I caught her staring at me a few times. Sometimes she just smiled at me when she saw me looking at her too, but sometimes, she was just constantly looking at me, quickly turning her head back and looked at the teacher for 10 seconds and then quickly looked at me again, and it last 2-3 minutes or more!
    So I'm just more and more confused ...

    And concerning the "letting her know i'm bi" thing, I didn't find an oportunity yet, and frankly I think it might take a little while to find a moment when i'm alone with only her ... doing homework together is not really things we use to do in my country, or when we do it is at school after classes and we are usually more than 5 or 6 :/ and i'm very busy lately so i can't even hang out during the weekend or watever :confused:
    Then, I think telling her face to face is more appropriate, or if i don't find any oportunity should i text her?:dry:
    Anyways, thanks again for trying to help :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Fimo, Mar 10, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2014
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