Okay this is my first post ever, any detailed advice/input is grately appreciated. Im 24 yrs old gay man and about 8 months ago i met this guy thru my job. Long story short he kept coming in for assistance and job leads often. I always noticed that he couldnt quite stare directly at me and i could always tell that he sprayed fresh body spray before he entered the office to chat with me each time. I was attracted to him and he seemed to be very nervous around me, but i didnt think too much of it because i'm quite attractive from what most people acknowledge. So i figured he was a straight guy attempting to be pleasant to a gay administrator because he needed my help and even tho he's not all that comfortable in my presence. I figured he was trying to push thru his uncomfortableness to get my help at the end of the day. So through out his frequent visits he began to grow on me because he's really nice and deep in my gut i started to think he might have a thing for me. I finally after months of him continually visiting found him job placement, he was very happy so was i. I thought now "well maybe now since i got him this job he'll go on his way and i'll prove to myself that he's not interested in me now that he has what he wanted". But shortly after he was hired he asked me out for lunch to thank me for my help, normally i wouldnt accept but because it was him i did. Our lunch was him encouraging me to be the best and how he could see just how powerful i was. Months have past now and since he's asked me out two more times and i've gone. We talk and text almost everyday about encouragement, positivity, and our personal lives. We've grown to be very good friend in my opinion. The thing is.... I think he's on the DL. He seems totally straight on the surface but when we talk he's always speaking about the issues he has with the romantic women in his life and how he's done with em. He always talks highly of me and compares my goodness to their flaws. He likes how he's able to talk to me, subjects he cant talk about with his guys. He tells me he's here for me if i need him for anything, he says he's happy that i'm his friend. I've told him in a passing convo that i USE to have a crush on him (lies of course lol cause i still do) and he didnt even acknowledge my statement at all. He's told me how he likes anal sex with a female. Recently he changed his tone on the voice and ask to call me back as he gave his ex girlfriend a ride, but calls me back after i guess she walks inside a business but when she comes back he just hung up on me. That happen yesterday, making me think he was ashamed or something. Its just soo many clues pointing to the fact that he likes me. And that maybe he's done this before with men, but it seems as if he's never actually considered a relationship until he met me. Now i could be wrong and jus have a genuine straight male friend but all the clues and my gut tells me diffrent. I really really like this guy and i'd hate to ruin our friendship by suggesting anything. But i want to kno too.... it seems like he's throwing hint after hint and i refuse to pick em up. I believe he's very intimidated by me cause his hands are always shaking and he is jus now able to stare at me. I think he's a DL guy that normally finds guys for sex and never see's em again, I think i'm the first guy he's actually interested in. I want to ask him straight up but i can see it going so wrong and me losing a good friend. Or i could never ask and always have him beating around the bush because he's so nervous. I think he may feel it's up to me to make the first move but i wont because i tried to hint that i liked him but nothing! All my friends thinks he's down low even tho nobody's met him but me but from the stories they all say yes he is. I'm totally lost and i dont kno what to do. I'm ready to stop all the beating around the bush if that's what he's doing. I'm ready to have fun and experience a deeper relationship if its meant to be. It's been too long and I cant stand not knowing anymore especially after his abrupt hangup yesterday. What do you think? What should i do? Thank you in advance i know it's long but and good guidance is appreciated, thanks
I agree with your friends - I think he might be on the down-low. Just reading about his behavior around you and some of things he's said to you makes me think he's gay or bisexual. I don't really know what to make of the business with his ex-girlfriend. Maybe another EC user will shed some light on that. I know it might seem blunt to just ask him, but 1) I think you can do it in a way that's not really offensive, and 2) You two are good friends, so I don't think it would be awkward of you to ask. The next time you hang out, maybe just ask him, "Do you have a girlfriend, or boyfriend? I'm just curious." In my eyes, that's a totally reasonable question. If he's straight, it'll just come off as you being an open-minded and caring friend. His response to that can tell you a lot. I've been asked that same question a few times (actually one of them was last night, but I'm closeted to the person who was asking it), and I definitely used it as an opportunity to drop some hints. That's a possible course of action, if you think it's reasonable. Curious to read your feedback.
I think it sounds like he's on the DL and that you're one of the first guys he actually wants for more than sex based off of what you've said. When he hung up the phone, he probably was ashamed, not of you, but of himself. I've done things similarish when I was in the closet like I wouldn't text guys I was into around friends. As far as what to do, that all depends on what you want. Questions to consider: 1) Are you comfortable dating someone in the closet? 2) Does his (possible) past history of hookups on the DL bother you? If you have considered everything and you've decided that you do want to try and date him, you are going to have to make a move. I wouldn't count on a closeted person making a move. You'll have to be fairly direct so that he understands that you like him, but you don't want to be too direct because you might scare him off. (One tip: Don't try and get him to label himself. Don't ask him "Are you gay?" He would probably shut down if you asked him that.) It is possible (although I doubt it) that you could be reading the signs wrong and you might lose him as a friend. While that might suck in the short term, at least you wouldn't be thinking "what if" all of the time. Hope it all works out for you.
