Father to Son: Family

I have a pretty similar relationship with my dad, we work in the same place and always get along face to face but like you I'm not comfortable to talk anything about the "gay" part of my life with him though I asked him once how he felt and he said I'm his son no matter what, he doesnt really care, but I've heard from other people that he's been saying its a phase and I'm not serious about it all behind my back so I know he has some issues but if it doesn't get brought up we tend to have a nice father-son relationship

 

I came out to my dad and even though he never tries to change me I still do not feel comfortable talking to him about guys. So I understand where you are coming from. I hope your father though learns to accept you for you and doesn't want you to change.

 

To be honest if you have any relationship at all with your parents, cherish any minute of it. They may be upset or even hurt at first but they will come to love you because you are still thier child and always will be.

I have all but disowned my parents after they kicked me out at 17 when they caught me with my girlfriend. Haven't talked to them since then, literately at all. The last letter I got was 5 years ago (I'm 24 now) telling me not to come see them till I let in the light of God or some such crap. I've more or less come to terms with it but if you have anything with your Father, Mother, or any other family member keep it as close as you can.

Let them come to terms with you as you are, if they love you they will accept it in time. I still hold onto hope someday my parents will accept me but for now I have my wonderful partner, my twin bother, and a host of extended family that accept me for who I am.

Hmm some of that was a little more redundant than I wanted but you get the idea :icon_bigg

 

Ive been down the road of suicide, trust me you dont want to go there. If you succed you hurt everyone around you, no matter what you may believe at the time there are dozens of people that love you and would mourn you with all their heart. If you fail there becomes a stigma that is very hard to get rid of, and you make those same people feel miserable since they feel they should have done more to help.

Its cliche but so true......suicide is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem.

Its just not worth it to even begin to go down that path my friend.



Also the damn state took away my gun license cause of that, stupid politicians. I had to sell my beautiful chromed out Desert Eagle cause the cops were gonna seize if if i didnt. :tears: Apparently you cant own a gun if you've been in a mental institute for more than 24 hours.



FYI if you attempt suicide you get Baker Acted which means they can hold you in a psyche facility for as long as they want, 5 days in my case :bang:

 

Yea I know depression. Everything's seems awful when it's perfectly fine. I found out after my attempt that I was bi polar and now I'm on a medication that controls all that. Maybe that could be an option. Not as a crutch to control your life but as a way to help manage these feelings until you can control them yourself. I would honestly get real help if you are truly that low. Nothing is worth losing your life over. Not possessions and not sad feelings. Took me years to learn that.

Try to take me to heart as someone that has lived through this. It does get better. After getting through all my crap I am now as happy as I ever could be. My girl is even thinking of getting insemination to have a child so I might be a mother soon. You never know the paths life will take but as long as you stay positive things will always turn out good.


Except for creationists. They are just a lost cause.

 

In the last two months or so, the very end of january, I have started coming out to people. The main reason it took me so long is because of how homophobic a lot of the people I know are. For example, if I am watching a movie with my father and a gay character is in the movie, he will talk about how the entire movie has been ruined due to that character existing. In the last few months I have asked my parents, rarely, what they would do if my sister was Lesbian, and their response was always that my sister was not Lesbian and this conversation was over. I have had depression pretty much since 6th grade, and I've never really had a huge reason to be depressed, so I'm fairly certain that it is mental rather than physical reasons. Although recently I have been getting more and more reasons to be depressed.

Anyway, the main point is the fact that your dad is accepting, even if it is in a slight form, is a huge gift. Everyone is different, and I've always thought I would stay at home until I graduated college, but I just can't. This semester, so far, has had the hardest classes I've ever taken, I've started coming out to people and thought about relationships, and my father and mother are on a hyper-active road to my mental destruction.

My recommendation would be the same as anyone else on here, cherish any time you have with your parents, you never know when you might lose them for any reason what-so-ever. The most you can do is just be ready to leave at anytime, and be ready to say goodbye. I know it sounds depressing, but just remember that there are experiences you will have that you will look back on years from now. Wouldn't you like to have a few positive ones to always remember your father by?

Good luck. I hope I was able to help in some way.

 

I seriously doubt they'd forget you that quick - or ever, really.

Have you heard of Prayers for Bobby? It's a book (and I think a movie too) where a formerly-homophobic mother talks about how she feels about her gay son's suicide and how her actions contributed to him killing himself.

Most homophobic parents aren't homophobic because they don't care. They do care about their children and want what's best for them, they just don't understand that what's best is to accept your orientation instead of trying to change it.

 

I think you may need to show him how is it like to be happy being gay, because he may link your misery to being gay.

My mother is like your father, God and getting married and the light talk...but my father is quiet ashamed of me, and he does not even care if I disappear he thinks I am just an overdramatised brat or something. When I came out to him it was in one of those 'you are not a man enough' talks...so just to spite him more about that I told him I'm gay. So fair enough.

Anyways...the way I think your father sees it is that he wants your best interest at heart...and he really just wants you to have what made him happy...it's all he knows..and all he believes..and if he is religous he probably doesn't believe in alternative ways..its one way..everything else is a 'delusion/phase/etc'...

I don't know what advice to give you here....I fall into depression all the time, because all the people around me view it that way...and I have not done it my self, but I believe the answer is in showing them all you can be gay and happy, and they will learn to deal with it if they love you. But I don't think the acceptance will come before that with those kind of mentalities. And even after they may still throw a comment here and there about maybe giving up that 'lifestyle'..you have to be strong and realise they just don't know what they are talking about.

When you are a minority you learn very quickly not to speak for others, but if you are whatever God/Society approves, most of the people just don't bother imagining how many other walks of life are not like them and are doing...'fine'..whatever that means.

Good Luck...It's not easy I know...I haven't pulled my self together yet either.

*Oh about should you open up to him, I don't know your father, but I have a feeling it won't matter what you say, you are just young and need direction is the way he probably sees it, and him saying go ahead and be gay, is like him saying go ahead and be a drug addict or something of that nature you know?..that's how my mom is anyways.

 

While it doesn't sound like you have that bad a relationship with your dad, you shouldn't try to change for him.

It's not your job to build a relationship with him, it's his job to build one with you.

While it's true that some parents might try to change their kids because they think it's best for them, your dads comment is about his happiness. He knows you're gay, he even said he'd like to "see" you with a wife and kids. He'd be happy if you conformed to his ideals, rather than being happy because you're happy.

At the same time it doesn't entirely seem like he's rejected you. You said you get along well, so perhaps he's accepted it, just not entirely.