Hello all, I'm a 15 year old boy and lately I have been wondering whether I am gay or not. I so desperately don't want to be (as you've probably all heard before, by judging other threads on this forum). Late last year I came across another boy on the Internet who is super cool (a genuinely good mate) and happens to be pretty good looking. I've been friends with him for about four to five months now and recently we've been messaging each other quite a bit. Not all the messages are personal (and even when they are, they're just the sort of messages you'd send to a friend) - we're working on the same course at school so I help him out with it. I have become obsessed - constantly thinking about him whenever I get the chance. However, I don't have any desire to have sex with him or anything; I just love being around him. I go to an all-boys school, so I thought that perhaps I haven't had enough of a chance with girls yet to realise exactly what love is. I have never had any feelings towards a girl before, although I can definitely pick out the attractive ones from the non-attractive. Again, is this just because I have not had as much of a chance with them? Furthermore, I'm not entirely sure where his stance is in all of this. The other day he sent me the following: Is it just me or does this sound a little over the top? As if he is trying to test me or something? He is into watching pretty feminine (and *possibly* gay) male YouTubers (Troye Sivan - YouTube and JacksGap - YouTube just to name two) and has favourited a few tweets about gay rights before, on Twitter. I am honestly SO confused by the entire situation, so I am having to ask myself the following questions right now: 1) Do I *love* my friend? 2) Am I gay or just OCD? 3) If I am gay, is my friend too? Been feeling really, really down about this lately. Would love to chat to somebody about this, hence why I wrote this thread
Well, I don't have direct answers to your questions but I'll let you know about my situation, which can hopefully help you with yours. Like you, I go to an all-boys school. Also, like you, I began questioning my sexuality around age 14. I too didn't want to be gay, partially because society had taught me it was wrong (which I now know to be totally false - there us NOTHING wrong with the way someone is born) and partially because for the first time in my life I wasn't being bullied, and feared that if I was gay people would pick on me again. Additionally, once again like you, I often analyze the behavior of my friends to figure out if they might be gay. So, as you can see, we have/had similar experiences during that part of our lives. I'm 17 now, so hopefully what I'm about to tell you can help you out in some way, seeing I was where you are just a few years ago. First, the most important thing is that only you can truly know what your sexual orientation is. I know, it reeks, and the questioning process wasn't fun. But if you are confident in who you are, and realize that it doesn't make you a good or bad person if you're straight or gay, then eventually the answer will make itself clear. I know it's easier said than done, but if you don't dwell on it too much it's a lot easier. And none of this us meant to freak you out at all - there is a very good chance you're not gay. You could just be on a level of friendship with this guy that you've never been on before with anybody else. You may love him in the way friends do, call it "brotherly love" if you wish. While the emotional aspect is a big part of being gay, so is the sexual aspect. I too have a friend that I love spending time with moreso than other friends, unfortunately to an almost obsessive degree. But I am also physically attracted to him, which you say you are not, which makes me think you are more likely straight than gay, but please don't overemphasize my guess, because it is only a guess, and you will know so much better than I. Gay or not, you should always remember that your sexuality DOES NOT define you. I don't think of myself as just a gay guy, not do I associate my homosexuality with my interests. I am not a gay writer, a gay musician, a gay Everton fan; I am simply a writer, a musician, an Everton fan. I hope anything and everything I've put here can help you out. I'm sorry to hear that thos is getting you down, but hopefully my humble advice can ease your mind at least a little. Good luck, and just remember that no matter what, you will always have friends and family to support you.
