First off, I'd like to thank anyone who takes their time to read this and relays me their input. Any and all suggestions will be read and/or considered. I really would appreciate a completely outside look on this. Okay, here we go. I came out at the age of 16 to my parents. It was horrible. I went through depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. It was basically one of your worst case scenarios. My parents are religious, but not to the degree of Westboro. My parents are genuinely concerned with what people think about them and their family. I was the kid with black dyed hair, skinny jeans, weighed 130 lbs., and gay. My family is well off and they tend to have high standards in the social ladder. I don't really care for it much. I've come to the conclusion that as long as I'm happy, it doesn't matter. I am currently 21 years old. It's been nearly 5 1/2 years since I've told my parents about me being gay. My mother recently stated, "I don't care who you date, as long as they are decent. I just want someone who will be good to you." Now while that is a fantastic thing of my mother to say, I think she said it and didn't realize what she had just put on the table to be accounted for. By saying something like that, I had finally thought she had came around. I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, we've come a LONG way. Things are still very rocky though. This is where the problem sinks in. My mother is still not 100% okay with her son being gay. I understand that it's been 5 1/2 years, she has come a long way, it has been a healing process, and it will probably continue to be one for quite some time. Unfortunately, things haven't ever really been the same since I came out. I can't talk to her about my life. My life is a gay one. She's actually petrified about talking to me about it. She won't use the words "boyfriend" or "partner". She prefers to talk about my future wife and refers to anyone I'm dating as a "friend" or "company"(if they happen to be at the house). In a nutshell: My mother is hesitant to really accept any part of my life as a liberal, gay, loving life. Things are very rocky between us; we have a lot of inner issues that we don't display on the outside. It's been over 5 years since I came out. Things are still looking rough and they've reached a plateau. She refuses any kind of therapy to talk about it. I just wish she wouldn't repress any emotions she has towards it. I want to work it out with her. I really do. I love my mom. Is there any advice that anyone could give me to try and make any kind of progress with her? I'm in therapy today over it. I've talked to my therapist about it but I haven't gone into specific details and asked her for any advice on how to improve things because I fear that she doesn't understand the situation as well as another gay person could. Any and all feed back is very much appreciated. Thank you. :smilewave
Sadly there isn't much you or anyone can do. Your best advice is to give time more time. There will be a day where she will accept you soon. Sadly, when a parent realizes their child is not how they thought they'd be, an epiphany is not gonna happen. Just continue to break the stereotypes about gay men to tell her you are just as normal as a straight guy. Goodluck, I am in the same situation! (*hug*)
Afraid I don't have any solid advice, just wanted to say I read it all and I wish you luck. <3 (*hug*) My thoughts, if anything, would be.. It sounds good that you are living a nice life yourself. Perhaps you could just be happily open about your life casually and confidently and eventually she'll come around. Everyone's different, maybe she just needs more time. (Obviously it's been awhile so I'm sorry it's taking so long. Good that she has come some way though.) Maybe you could straight up ask her what she's thinking, feeling, to get it all out no matter what it is. She might still be working things out in her head. And I think asking your therapist on how to procede would be a good idea, maybe they would have some good advice. If not, you don't have to take it. Just might be nice to ask and see. Sorry I can't be of more help, and I never take my own advice, but here's a virtual hug: (*hug*) It sounds like you've come some ways, and are stuck in a genuinely frustrating situation. But I hope your life is well enough for you. Good luck! (&&&)
I moved over a thousand miles for graduate school primarily to get away from my super religious and conservative paternal family. I'm pretty sure my mom would be accepting because she has spoken in support of gays, but my dad is hypocritical and judgmental. My advice is to stop making your happiness dependent on the approval of others, even from those who are legitimately important like your mom. You need to get on with your own life and not feel afraid to upset her because obviously she is satisfied with this charade of denial. Try to correct her if she uses terms like "future wife" since she's acting like this is just a phase that you can turn off.
