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Guy Advice: Why the frick is he so confusing?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lostlifeguard, Mar 7, 2014.

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  1. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    Ok -- I want to preface this by saying that there are going to be a lot of references to activities that may be frowned upon in this post, but let me just say 1) I'm in college 2) I don't do these things that much, they just come up a lot since it's a story and it's basically condensing a few months into a few minutes 3) Haters gonna hate, I'm sorry if you disagree with some of the things I do, but I'm not looking to be lectured, I'm looking for guy advice.


    Ok, so I'm a college freshmen, and let's just call the guy in this story Chris. I knew who he was for a while, but we never hung out or anything, and I had a boyfriend at first as well. Then, one night, me and him, and a couple of my friends were randomly hanging out and we had an adventure and it was just an extremely fun night. Since it was so fun we ended up hanging out again and getting to be friends. Whenever I wanted to do something fun I'd text him. At this point I'm single, but really confused about whether he's gay/straight/bi or whatever. So, finally, one night we were drinking quite a bit, and we ended up hooking up. I slept over in his room, and we woke up the next morning together in bed with very little clothing on. We then went to get breakfast in the dining hall, and I left. Three hours later I get a text from him saying he remembers nothing due to blacking out, and he's going to pretend nothing happened. I was kind of annoyed so I confronted him later, but he still said he remembered nothing. After that we kind of drifted due to weirdness.

    Now, we recently hung out again, and ended up getting really high together. He was really touchy and kept getting close to me, and I didn't know how to react to that. Nothing happened, since this was recent, but I'm just really confused.
    A lot of my friends are telling me that he's not going to want to date me (he's really into hooking up, so he wouldn't want to commit), so I could maybe be friends with benefits with him. I'd be fine with this, I'm just really confused by him.

    He acted to strangely after that time we hooked up. If it was one of his first hook ups, I'd understand this, but I know he's hooked up with at least a bunch of girls. The only explanation I can think of is that I was his first guy, but I'm not that sure about that. Should I try to be more than friends with him and risk pushing him away again?
     
    #1 lostlifeguard, Mar 7, 2014
  2. mbanema

    mbanema
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    While it's certainly possible, I don't buy that he doesn't remember hooking up with you. I think it's much more likely that he just doesn't want to admit that he's attracted to another guy.

    I wouldn't push him too hard on the topic though; just be open-minded if he wants to talk about it and allow him to set the pace for now. Hopefully he'll open up sooner or later and admit that he's interested in you too, whether that's in a relationship sense or as a friend with benefits.
     
    #2 mbanema, Mar 7, 2014
  3. LibraryKitten

    LibraryKitten
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    He doesn't seem very open to the idea of being physically intimate with you, at least while he's in full control of his judgement. Maybe he's (not so secretly) wondering if he might be gay, and trying to figure himself out? He seems to be in denial at the moment, though. My advice would be to give the situation time and see what he wants to do, and let him make any advances between the two of you. If nothing happens, don't sweat it, there are other people out there for you, and then you'll at least still have him as a friend.

    Personally, I wouldn't want to try to be more than friends with him, because it feels like a situation where you might end up being used, and then possibly tossed aside if he decides he doesn't like men after all, and that would be more painful for you than for him if you like him. But if you're not that worried about possibly developing feelings for him that could be unrequited, then you could go for it, but even then you're going to need to be patient. If you rush him, he'll probably push you away.
     
    #3 LibraryKitten, Mar 7, 2014
  4. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    Thanks guys, that's actually really good advice. I didn't think about it too much, but I guess he might be new to liking guys and everything. I guess that's why I was so confused about his sexuality and all. I think I'm going to just try to take it at his pace and let him make the moves if he wants to.

    The hard part for me now, is that it's usually me that asks if he wants to hang out, and if I ask him too much, I feel like I'm being annoying. I don't know what to do about this. It's just the way he is that he doesn't ask people if they want to hang out. He's actually ridiculously popular, so people are always asking him to hang out. Ugh, what do I do?
     
    #4 lostlifeguard, Mar 7, 2014
  5. mbanema

    mbanema
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    That's great that you have the confidence to approach him on a regular basis and ask him if he wants to do something; don't lose that! If it gets to be too much or he needs a break I'm sure he'll tell you, but if he's as popular as you say and he makes the time to hang out with you I don't think you have anything to worry. If he has a lot of options for people to spend time with and chooses to do so with you that means you're someone he values a lot. :slight_smile:

    Besides, what would make you feel worse -- to potentially get on his nerves a little bit in the short term or to miss out on spending time with someone you like who enjoys spending time with you? There's a decent chance this is all in your head so try not to create a problem where it doesn't exist.
     
    #5 mbanema, Mar 7, 2014
  6. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    Ok, so update I guess. We hung out another time, and it ended up getting late towards the end, and he was really tired, so he asked me to walk him back to his dorm. I walked him part way, but nothing ended up happening. I don't know if he was expecting me to do something or what. I guess I'll probably see him sometime this weekend. Should I just keep waiting for him to do something? Or should I maybe say something to him and see if he's actually interested, or just being friendly? Would this make it worse?
     
    #6 lostlifeguard, Mar 10, 2014
  7. mbanema

    mbanema
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    If he is gay/bi it doesn't sound like he's ready to admit it yet so I don't think you should press him about it. Just be a good friend for now and see what happens over time.
     
    #7 mbanema, Mar 10, 2014
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