So first, a little background on this.. Back in November, my mom found out I was gay by accident-- not in a bad way-- and it was kinda stressful. We talked that night for about an hour about why i thought I was gay, until it got too late. She told me she loved me no matter what, and we didn't bring it up much afterwards. That is, until this past week. I have dated a few guys without her knowing, and I really didn't like the fact that I had been lying to her about it, so when I got asked out by one of my friends last week, I decided to ask her if I could start dating. I had texted her asking her while I was at school, and she replied saying that we would talk about it at home. So that night, when we both got home from things that we had to do, I began to eat dinner (because she had already eaten) and she decided to bring it up. At first, she did what any parent would do: she asked who he his, how I knew him, etc. I thought that it was going smoothly... But then she got to saying how she doesn't want me dating another guy because she fears that I could get hurt. Albeit we live in a very conservative part of the country, but whenever I had been on dates before, nothing bad had EVER happened. Of course, I did not bring that up, I just attempted to reason with her, which didn't work. I eventually half-convinced her that I would be okay if I ended up going on a date, but she still didn't want me going. After this point, she just starts crying about how she didn't want this for me, how she had always pictured that I would grow up to get married to a nice girl and having kids. She still loves me but she doesn't want me to be gay. She kept asking if I knew what it meant to be gay (sexually), that I will be looked on differently, etc, and I kept giving back answers that would make her spur more questions or tears. This basically went on for about 10 minutes until I realized I couldn't reason with her and I went to my room, shut the door, and went to bed. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.. She said that she would talk to her counselor about it, but I just don't know what's going to happen... Can anyone please help me? I'm so lost..
Don't worry too much. Your mum is working through a complex problem at the moment. The first, is that since I'm guessing she isn't exactly involved the the LGBT community, her exposure to us is limited. Specifically, she is going to have heard the arguments from people against it, she might have heard about some of the horrible things that can happen. She's going to have heard bad stuff. I mean be honest, hoy many gay people do you know compared to straight people? Horrible stuff happens to straight people all the time (not because of their sexuality admittedly, but bare with me), but to counter that, loads of good stuff happens. They get married, have kids, live happy lives. How often do you think your mum hears about gay people living happily together? She probably knows it CAN happen, but almost certainly isn't aware that it happens a lot all over the world. From the day you were born she's had this view of your happy future, and she's worried that you won't have one now, because she doesn't know any better. You've been on dates and nothing happened. You can be pretty confident that you're going to be fine. But she doesn't have that confidence. Nobody WANTS their kid to be looked down on or bullied because they are different. By the sounds of things she will come to terms with it, but it will take some time.
You already did more than what you had to do, you explained it all to her. Leave her some time to reason by herself and to talk to the counsellor, that's what they are here for. She seems like a nice person and she is trying to accept you, I think that she just needs some time to get all her ideas straight. I mean, there should be lots of things running through her head right now. It will all work out just fine
Be happy that at least she supports you. I think she's only saying these things because she cares about you and wants to make sure you're going to be ok. I think it's important that you go on this date, and you need to tell her that. She needs to realise that you need to live your life.
