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Mom.. Idk what to do... Suicide?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JakeHas, Mar 9, 2014.

  1. JakeHas

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    So last night I tried telling my mom about my boyfriend, and how he has seriously improved every single aspect of my life and how much better and important he makes me feel. I'm coming out of my shy, conceled shell just like she has been begging me to dozz but guess what happens.
    She said she is throwing me into therapy, no arguments about it. She said I lied to her for not telling about me and him earlier even though I was so afraid to because I thought she would hate me. She wont let me even see him anymore, she's yelling at me and making me feel disrespected and hated. She says she is doing everything for my happiness whether I like it or not, but guess what isn't making me happy....
    Honestly.... I want to 'accidently' take one too many pills this morning...
     
  2. Nick07

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Dear God, why WHY have parents behave worse than little kids? :icon_sad:

    I am sorry. I do believe that your mom loves you. She is probably in shock and has no idea how to react. And she probably felt like she had to react. So an attack seemed like the easiest solution :frowning2:

    Has she told you specifically why she doesn't approve?
     
  3. sharkpool

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    *hug*
    do you have any brothers or sisters that may be more supportive in this situation? do your friends who know in real life support you? are they aware of how you feel/what you are going through?
     
  4. JakeHas

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    Yes everyone else is perfectly find except her... My dad doesnt know yet but basically everyone else does and is fine with it
     
  5. Nick07

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    Do you have any idea how your dad can react?
     
  6. mbanema

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    Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. Why can't all parents just provide unconditional love and support? Pretty much any other mistakes can be overlooked, but no kid should ever have to be miserable because they can't count on the people that are supposed to always be in their corner.

    I am a little bit confused -- is the upset that you're gay or that you didn't tell her about your relationship earlier? It sounds like you're saying the latter, but trying to force you to break up over that seems like a bizarre reaction if she at least tolerates that you're not straight.

    Regardless, please realize that suicide is not the answer. You've already proven to yourself that you're capable of finding someone that loves you and can make you feel so great about yourself and that's absolutely awesome. In the absolute worst-case scenario, you'll have a battle on your hands with your parents for the next few years, but once you're legally an adult you can choose to surround yourself with only the people that make you happy. It is your parents responsibility to make you want to have them in your life -- if they fail to do so, that will be their loss in the end.

    Despite your mom's intentions, therapy might not be that bad of an idea, provided you're able to choose a therapist who makes you feel comfortable. This person would be there to help you, not your mother, and could help validate the way you're feeling and help you feel better about yourself. If your situation at home is as you described it, a therapist could become an important ally for you.

    Good luck! Please don't give up on yourself; life isn't always easy but I'm confident that better days are ahead. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Chip

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    I can imagine what that feels like. The worst thing is to be vulnerable and trust someone, particularly a parent, with something that you're just coming to terms with... and have them respond the way she did. I can understand the desire to end things, but that's a permanent solution to a very temporary problem, and I know it seems like, right now, it's a good solution, but I think you know it isn't... otherwise you wouldn't be here talking about it.

    You know, in some cases therapy can be a blessing. One of my friends, when he came out, had his mom do exactly the same thing... she immediately got him a therapist... who almost as immediately got her into a session and said "He's gay, he can't change it, it's who he is, so get used to it."

    Unless your mom puts you with a Christian nutjob therapist, you'll probably have a similar experience. And if you do manage to get with a Christian therapist, you can simply flatly refuse to listen to what the therapist says, or threaten to report him/her to the state licensing board (trying to change sexual orientation is considered unethical by every major psychological association, and most licensing boards will take action.)

    My guess is what you're hearing from your mom right now is the initial response to the "loss" of perception you're straight (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.) So this sounds like somewhere between denial and anger. I think if you can ride it out, she'll get to "bargaining" soon enough and that will be a little more manageable.

    Is there anyone nearby (relative, close family friend) who is an adult and who can be supportive to you?
     
  8. JakeHas

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    Im not sure if I have anyone nearby, but I will do the therapy, hopefully it doesnt last long because i know who I am, and i am confident in myself.
    Thanks for the help everyone, and no.. I wont do anything drastic, i could never being myself to it.
     
  9. mbanema

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    Glad to hear it. Hang in there! :slight_smile:
     
  10. Chip

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    Keep in mind... if the therapist isn't a Christian crazy, you can definitely benefit from therapy, because *everyone* has issues that it's helpful to discuss in therapy. If someone offered me free therapy right now, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat. :slight_smile:

    I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling a little better. Please keep sharing what's happening and feel free to ask for help from any of the staff here if you need it :slight_smile:
     
  11. JakeHas

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    After i lost my boyfriend over a month ago, it's been hard keeping track. I can't even turn on my computer without thinking about him. So I'm solely on my phone.
     
  12. Rosepetal

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    everything will be okay :slight_smile: ur only 15 i know at 15 life sucks but it will get better over time hang in there :slight_smile: once u go to college things will work in you`re favor.
     
  13. Clay

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    Yeah it's good to see you're taking the therapy, honestly that's probably going to be a good thing.
     
  14. resu

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    Please don't consider suicide. It is a permanent decision, and you're just 15. So, you still have years, decades really, to find love again, and it would be a shame to just end it all because your mom doesn't fully understand your sexuality. Besides, if you have others who are supportive, you shouldn't let one person, even if it's your mother, drag you down so much.
     
  15. PatrickUK

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    It never ceases to amaze me how badly some parents react to the news that a son/daughter is gay. There are far worse things to 'fess up to for crying out loud! It's not like we're admitting dealing drugs, or killing babies. Why it has to be such a big deal, I just don't know? I certainly don't buy into the idea that it's about morality or religion (that's just a convenient cover for prejudice).

    Really sorry that you've had a hard time. Remember, therapy is a two way process that requires a level of co-operation from you and it can't work if you don't talk. If you think the therapist has a hidden agenda and is some kind of 'conversion' crackpot, don't even listen or talk to him/her. If the therapist is any good though, it could be a positive step, rather than a negative step.

    Wishing you well... keep us informed.
     
  16. greatwhale

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    Hey Jake,

    Everyone above gave you great advice; do the therapy, it'll do you good (with all the cautions mentioned by Chip)...

    My thoughts are with you!
     
  17. SemiCharmedLife

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    I don't really have anything else to add since the other posters have all said pretty good things, so I'll just add this:

    (*hug*)
    Hang in there buddy
     
  18. BryanM

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    (*hug*) oh... that sucks so much. I'm sorry your mother isn't being very accepting of the relationship. I think what Chip said is very true, if she takes you to a credible therapist, it could possibly help the situation, especially if the therapist tells her to listen to you. I know you said she has cut you off of all contact from him, but I have to ask... has she even met him yet? I'm sure he's a nice guy, and if she got to meet him in a calm, peaceful environment, she would maybe turn around.

    Also, please please please please PLEASE don't even think about ending your life. I know things kind of are shitty right now, but remember that suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. I've lost a friend to suicide, and talked many others out of it. I feel so horrible whenever I hear about anyone hurting themselves.

    If you need crisis intervention, I'd also recommended calling The Trevor Project. They have trained professionals that will help you with whatever problems you may be having with your parents.

    Hope I helped at all. (*hug*)