Hi, I'm a 20 year old straight female with a boyfriend I met in college a year and a half ago. We started dating shortly after meeting and things were amazing. I was head over heels for him, and still am. Everything in the relationship was perfect. The conversation was never boring, we were always together and hanging out and the sex was amazing. Then about fours the into our relationship he told me that things were getting boring in bed. We lived in dorms so being kinky wasn't exactly easy. He told me he wanted to spice things up and sent me links to lists of kinky things to do. One of the things involved sex toys up his butt. I was hesitant at first since I've never done anything like that before but I read that guys have a "g spot" in their anus like girls have in their vaginas. So I figured I would give it a shot. He loved it and over time he kept wanting more and more and bigger toys. Eventually things started to get a little to kinky for me. Anal fisting and strap ons are simply a turn off for me. But I wanted to keep my man happy. Eventually he told me that he has actually been doing these things to himself since his younger teen years. Then he told me he wanted to try it with a guy. I was hesitant, again, because he is my boyfriend and I would consider that cheating. He brought up three sums with another guy but I don't think I could emotionally handle that. Eventually the gay sex was all he talked about. Some nights when he was drunk he didn't even want to touch me down there because it "grossed him out" and he wanted a penis instead. I tried to ignore it since it really hurt my feelings but I can't. The past few weeks sex just hasn't been the same and all he talks about when we are texting is how bad he wants to have gay sex. I told him to try it, I just don't want to know anything about it. But he keeps saying he is too afraid. Tonight he informed me that he made out with a guy in high school and loved it and wanted to do more but he chickened out. He told me he is almost sure he is gay but he still loves me and even if he is gay he wants to stay with me. Which just doesn't make sense to me. I know bi sexual is an option but when I bring that up he says no he thinks he is completely gay. But he has never had gay sex and said before he doesn't find men attractive. I am just so confused and I do not know what to do. I could really use some advice. I don't want to break up with him because I really do love him and we've had so many plans for the future. But I don't want to end up being left for a guy when he figures out that he really does not want to be with a woman. Plus all the talk of wanting a guy is really starting to make me upset. Someone please helpppp:/
Your username is right. I'm really sorry that you're both in this shitty situation. :/ There is a lot to say about this subject, and I'll try to explain everything I can. If one thing is clear, it's that you both love each other very much, and that you don't want to hurt each other. Breaking Up You won't want to hear this, but you two should talk about not being boyfriend/girlfriend, and just friends. I know he doesn't want to hurt you, but he's attracted to guys. He'll be happier with a guy because... well.. he's attracted to them. Does that change the fact that he loves you? No. He will still love you, but you need to let him pursue a relationship with a man if he wants to. Based on how much you love each other, I think there's a good chance that he'd still want to be best friends with you. You Are Still Important Just because he might get a new boyfriend does not mean you will not be one of the most important people to him. You and him have been together for eighteen months. You've loved, laughed, and learned about life together. Nothing will ever change the fact that you have an immense impact on his life. He's at a really crucial age for gay men, in my opinion. He's probably known for a long time that he's gay, but he hasn't wanted to deal with it, but now the time has come for him to confront it. He wants to find a man he can be grow old with while he's still young, and he can't do that if he's in a relationship with a woman. There's so much to say, and I'm so absolutely willing to talk about this more with you. You need to understand that it will be better for the both of you if you discuss this issue and decide what you're going to do. Deep down, you probably know that a relationship with a gay guy won't work, no matter how much you love each other, and that you will both be happier if you find someone who is attracted to you. Nothing will stop you from being best of friends. He probably thinks of you as his best friend right now, since he can't connect with you sexually. Anyway, let me know if there's more you want to talk about. I just don't want to add to my already-jumbled post. <333 My support to you. Side note - I'm sorry that this post is really jumbled. I haven't responded to an issue like this very much, so I'm not very good at organizing my response to this topic.
I'll try to keep this brief, concise, and organized. 1) Yes, men do have a g-spot in their anus, stimulated by rubbing the prostate. 2) The sexual activities your boyfriend appears to enjoy are, indeed, very gay. 3) I've never doubted my sexuality, nor dated a woman. However, 3, A) Man men-- on this website especially-- seem to follow a distinct pattern with self-acceptance. One of the common features is to cling to hope. Hope in the future with a wife or girlfriend, hope for the idea that a vagina was once satisfying, hope that love doesn't have to run parallel to attraction. Many of these hopes may become realities. Who am I to object to a gay man staying with his wife? 3, B) Another common sight on this website to ask for opinions of one's sexuality. Insight. That said, I won't deny that your boyfriend appears to NOT be straight. To that end, he might be bisexual. But if he feels wholeheartedly gay, and refuses to open himself to other possibilities, then your luck with sharing this notion-- bisexuality-- is nonexistent. :\ 4) Although I've never been in your shoes, specifically, I am sorry for what is happening. I understand the feeling of betrayal, misunderstanding, and disregard. If he led you on, you deserve better and I hope you find peace with whatever occurs in the future. <3
Thanks tj! We've tried breaking up before because I wanted to give him the opportunity to test the water with guys and figure out what is right for him. He pretty much begged for me back a month later. The whole time we were broken up we remained good friends and I tried talking him about these things and supporting him. He told me that he was hooking up with a guy and just didn't like the gut feeling he got when he did it. So I figured he tested the waters and didn't like it so we got back together. Then shortly after I found out that he actually lied to me and he was not hooking up with a guy. He just knew he had to say he tried to get me back. As angry as I was that he lied, we remained together and everything was great again. But only for so long before he started talking about wanting to have gay sex. Now he pretty much refuses to break up. It's a pretty frustrating situation. Sorrry, I probably should have included this in my original post. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2014 at 12:47 AM ---------- I just don't get why he talks about wanting a guy so bad, but then doesn't find them sexually attractive. Just their penises..... Is it bad that I just want him to hook up with a guy so we can figure this out? Every time he gets close to doing it he backs out. I keep trying to tell him that's it's okay to do. If it makes him happy i want to support him... But that's hard to do when he keeps changing his mind about wanting to do it.
The commenters are right, it is obvious you are dating a gay guy, and he might love you, but the truth is it is platonic. Him backing out though? Honestly, he sounds confused. Sounds like he needs you to be a friend and help him sort these emotions. Good luck, girl!
Break up with him. Your relationship wont work, it's doomed to failure frankly, and your boyfriend just wants to be in a relationship with you yet he wants to have gay sex. He's clearly not attracted to you the same way he's attracted to guys, and you can easily be friends. All he's doing is stopping you from being in a fufilling relationship with someone else. He wants to have his cake and eat it. All those things he's saying about not being attracted to guys, or afraid, simply isn't your problem. But that doesn't mean you don't have to help, you can, you can fully support him and be there for him, but you don't have to be in a relationship with him to do that.
The conclusion I draw from that is that he has a lot of conflicting emotions affecting him, and whenever he gets close to experimenting with guys, something pulls him away and back to you. Either it's going to take some time for him to be able to battle those emotions, or he can seek the help of a therapist or someone professionally trained to help people confront those emotions. I greatly admire how much you care about him after all you've been through. He's very lucky to have a girlfriend/best friend as supportive as you. And no, it's not bad that you want to sort this matter out. It's affecting you too!
He has been told all his life that one thing is pretty, beautiful and sexy and the other things is meh. It takes time to break out of this kind of social conditioning. Your boyfriend is gay. Its already been figured out. Your boyfriend has practically already admitted to you that he is gay. He is definitely gay. I'm sorry LoveSucks, but your boyfriend is gay. Break up with him. This isnt something that is going to go away. You cant fix this and he cant fix this either. I really am so sorry but breaking up with him is your only option. He is gay. I know its a difficult thing to come to terms with, even your boyfriend is in denial about his own homosexuality so I cant imagine how hard it must be for you to accept this. You deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you just the way you are. Dont cling to false hope like he is doing. He is gay.
He keeps talking about how he loves me for me not my body parts. And I use to believe that gay, bisexual and straight were just words. That body parts really didn't matter... That is was about the connection between two people regardless of the sex. Now I'm just as confused as he probably is. He also keeps saying how he doesn't "wanna give up boobs". I know it sounds weird, he's a goofy guy. But he seems to like girls "from the waist up". he even finds kissing girls better than kissing guys. So now he is just confusing me even more. Is it possible that he has sex with a guy and won't like it? Maybe that he just likes toys up there. I dont know. I could just be in denial or clinging to false hope. I just don't wanna give up so suddenly if there is even the possibility that he could still be into me but can't get the gay sex off of his mind until he tries it. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2014 at 01:28 AM ---------- By the way, thanks everyone! Your input is very helpful <3
There's different levels of attraction. By being gay he's sexually attracted to guys, and he's not attracted to you. It doesn't really matter how much of a connection you have with someone emotionally, if you're not sexually attracted to them you can't be in a relationship. Trying gay sex wont get it off his mind, he wont suddenly find you attractive and not want to try it again, he's gay. He'll always be gay. You should break up with him and find someone who is attracted to you and wants to be with you. You can still be his friend, you can still support him and be there for him, but your relationship is doomed to failure and the longer you stay in it the more time you waste.
It's not that he doesn't find me attractive. Uhg it's so hard to explain It's like half the time he is all about vaginas. Loves them loves sex loves everything. Then randomly he'll get in these like "phases" or "moods" where it's all about penis and anal. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2014 at 01:56 AM ---------- I dont know. Were in college. Isn't it about experimenting. Probably just fooling myself. Meh :/
Sounds like he's in denial. He's told you that he's not bi, but given his actions he sounds like he's gay and in hasn't fully accepted it, hence his relationship with you. He might find you attractive but not in the same way that someone that's sexually attracted to you would. Trust me a lot of people here know what it's like to be in his or your situation, I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 and a half years for example. Ask yourself, what are you getting out of this?
You guys are right. But if I tell him a relationship isn't gonna work if he is gay he is going to keep denying it. So i dont know how to get him to accept it and accept ending things with me. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2014 at 02:20 AM ---------- And every time he changes his mind and backs out i try and tell him that all he is doing is delaying the inevitable. But he just doesn't listen
You don't need his permission to break up. You don't need to get him to accept being gay either, you can just say you'd rather be friends. You can support him fully that way.
could you please enlighten me..i aint trying to get the spotlight from you but really have a problem...i have a bestfriend who ditched me and i suspect he miscalculated himself that he might fall inlove eith me too...weve been so close close like as if we are in a relationship...no sex but flirting only
You may want to make your own thread seeing as this seems to be a totally different issue to the one being discussed here.
