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My boyfriend is abusive/jealous?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by luke25, Mar 11, 2014.

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  1. luke25

    luke25 Guest

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    Sorry, this is long.
    Okay, so I'm 16 year old and my boyfriend is 18. I met him about a year ago and he seemed great and really sweet at first and he was really my dream guy. Our "honeymoon period" lasted for about five months, but after that I started to notice that he had a lot of anger issues, and he was also really jealous and protective of me, he could start arguing with some stranger just because he thought that they looked at me in the wrong way, and he almost even broke some guy's arm at a party because he thought he was flirting with me even though we were just having a casual conversation.

    A few months ago, he started hitting me because I told him that I was hanging out with my friend Tyler, he started screaming about how I was cheating on him with this guy and how I didn't love him and when he pinned me against the wall I shoved him away from me and out of rage he slapped me across the face and threw me on the floor, and as he's so much stronger than me it really hurt and I started crying. He started crying too and comforted and kissed me and swore he'd never do anything like that again.
    He has hit me a lot of times since that incident.

    He's told me that I can't have guy friends, regardless whether they're straight or not or have boyfriends or girlfriends, and I can't even hang out with my straight best friend that I've known for years unless he's there too to control that nothing is going on.

    I started hanging out with my friends in secret though, and one time we were at my house, and we had forgot to lock the door, so out of the blue he burst through the door and caught us just casually watching a movie.
    He beat up one of my closest friends, screamed at them to leave, and when we were alone he dragged me to the kitchen and started hitting me, my memory is quite vague but I think he started hitting me with a shoe or something, and when I cried for him to stop he screamed that I don't know want to know what will happen if this happens again.

    He controls everything I do, who I talk to, when I talk to them, when I should be home, he even controls when we have sex and even if I say that I just want to cuddle and watch a movie or something because I'm tired or just not in the mood for sex he'll just tell me to shut up and that he doesn't care about my pleas and that he will just make me take it.

    When he's in a good mood he's so sweet and perfect and a really good boyfriend, but when he's upset or angry or when I don't do everything he says he hits me.

    I still feel attached to him and I still love him, I just want him to stop. I don't know what to do...
     
    #1 luke25, Mar 11, 2014
  2. YaraNunchuck

    YaraNunchuck
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    I know this is probably what you don't want to hear, but he's abusive and you need to leave him immediately. You cannot tolerate this behaviour. You have to value your self, your mental and physical integrity. You're really young - do your parents know about this? Be careful.
     
    #2 YaraNunchuck, Mar 11, 2014
  3. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Hey Luke25, welcome to EC!

    Everyone here will tell you what YaraNunchuk said, you need to end this relationship immediately. His behaviour will NOT improve and the longer you stay with him, the worse it will get.

    When you do leave him, and I trust that you will, call the police if you have to. This behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE!

    Are there abuse hotlines where you live? If so, call them, and enlist the help of social workers at school if you have to.
     
    #3 greatwhale, Mar 11, 2014
  4. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Get the hell outta there.
     
    #4 BookDragon, Mar 11, 2014
  5. lannister_dragon

    lannister_dragon Guest

    End it ASAP, it won't ever stop. Please get out of this relationship before it escalates into something worse.
     
    #5 lannister_dragon, Mar 11, 2014
  6. eliza

    eliza Guest

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    You have to get out of this relationship now.
     
    #6 eliza, Mar 11, 2014
  7. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    I agree with everyone else ,END IT NOW i didnt know men suffer abuse too like women
     
    #7 Rosepetal, Mar 11, 2014
  8. artist92

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    You need to get out now! You won't be safe if you stay in that kind of relationship.
     
    #8 artist92, Mar 11, 2014
  9. SongshiQuan

    SongshiQuan
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    "When he's in a good mood he's so sweet and perfect and a really good boyfriend"

    That is the mask he wears to get what he wants. He's a bad person and literally now a criminal(assault). Leave him.
     
    #9 SongshiQuan, Mar 11, 2014
  10. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    I agree hes manipulating you get out of there
     
    #10 Rosepetal, Mar 11, 2014
  11. WearyWanderer

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    Leave him. Now. He is ruining your social life, your love life, and your personal safety. There is no other way around this. Leave. Him.
     
    #11 WearyWanderer, Mar 11, 2014
  12. WhiteShadows

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    This is so sad to read :frowning2:
    I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Please, move on. Help yourself, we don't want to see you get hurt more. You'll find someone else who loves you enough to respect you as a human being. It's not fair AT ALL that he dictates your friends and COMPLETELY HORRIBLE that he uses any kind of violence with you. He has mental issues, and this relationship will make those issues worse for him, too. Please move on, call the police or a help line if necessary, and go and be with your friends.
     
    #12 WhiteShadows, Mar 11, 2014
  13. Cass

    Cass
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    GET OUT NOW.
    trust me the pain of the breakup will be short compared to the life of pain you will endure if you stay. Get out. Find someone who will treat you better.
     
    #13 Cass, Mar 11, 2014
  14. Lawrence

    Lawrence
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    Right, firstly, men can get abused, and it doesn't make you a weak person. You've suffered for being trusting and forgiving. It is irrelevant that you love him. He doesn't love you at all. He doesn't give a damn about you. He's using you. He's abusive and a rapist; a complete and utter oxygen thief. I think you realise that from the numerous examples of his behaviour you have provided. Just reading about that guy has made my blood boil. He can't 'undo' his negative actions with a few half-hearted positive actions. If you still have any doubt at all... Cycle of abuse

    Don't allow him to trap you completely. He'd like nothing more than to reduce you to a helpless victim. It's time to break out. You'll probably have to involve the police. At the very least your friends would surely talk about how abusive this guy is. Good grief, one of them was even beaten up! Maybe you don't want to come out? You'll have to worry about that later. Safety should be the first concern. You have a right to defend yourself. I'm not saying you have to kill him and bury him under the floorboards. Simply; you could disable him and call the police. The human body is incredibly frail and the body of your abuser is no exception! So, what's legal over there, tasers, pepper spray? I do not advise you to purchase guns and/or knives. These require training to be effective. Otherwise they get used against you.
     
    #14 Lawrence, Mar 11, 2014
  15. StubbieHolder

    StubbieHolder
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    Can anyone recommend any support organisations for him? Things could get dangerous if he leaves without any precaution.
     
    #15 StubbieHolder, Mar 11, 2014
  16. SongshiQuan

    SongshiQuan
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    ^The OP can always get a restraining order if bf goes bonkers.
     
    #16 SongshiQuan, Mar 11, 2014
  17. Jacob D

    Jacob D
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    dump him and find a better guy. what he's doing to you is so wrong and it's too bad you didn't have him charged with physical abuse.
     
    #17 Jacob D, Mar 11, 2014
  18. StubbieHolder

    StubbieHolder
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    If he tells him he's leaving to his face something horrible could happen.
     
    #18 StubbieHolder, Mar 11, 2014
  19. Alexander69

    Alexander69
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    Get out of that relationship seriously it will only get worse. I've had friends and their boyfriends abused them and it went from hitting punching forcing sex to death threats... I'm not trying to scare you but you have to get out ASAP before it escalates to something much much worse
     
    #19 Alexander69, Mar 11, 2014
  20. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    gay men? or str8 women?
     
    #20 Rosepetal, Mar 11, 2014
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