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Coming out gay with kids

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sexwax, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. sexwax

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    Has anyone come out gay with young children from a heterosexu relationship? How did it affect you? What did you go through? We're you afraid how your kids would react?
     
  2. Tongue Flicker

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    I have a 9-year old son due to my highschool foolishness born from my girlfriend during that time. I wanna how to deal with this situation as well
     
  3. Ettina

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    If the kids are young enough, they won't think anything of it. Kids don't care what their parents' sexuality is. They just care that their parents take good care of them.
     
  4. sexwax

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    The kid is 4 years old but am worried about how to explain our same sex relationship etc. it's different with kids
     
  5. BookDragon

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    You explain a same sex relationship to a child like this:

    "A like girls."

    They will either just go OK, or ask you some questions. If you don't make a big deal out of it, most of the time kids won't either!
     
  6. Jim1454

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    I was certainly afraid of how they would react. When I came to accept that I was gay, after being married for 9 years, my daughters were 4 and 6. I felt they were too young to be told that their dad was gay. They didn't need to know, and I wasn't ready to tell them. (I wasn't really ready for the likely event that they would tell someone - because I wasn't out to very many people at all at first.)

    I waited a couple of years - until they were 6 and 8. I told them with their mom being present, so that right from the start it didn't need to be something that had to be kept secret or silent when they were with their mom. (She knew already - it was just about maintaining a united front with our kids.) I explained it to the younger one in terms she could understand. I likened it to how a prince and a princess can fall in love in stories - and how sometimes a prince can fall in love with another prince, or a princess with a princess. At that, she seemed fine with it. That's all you would want to do with a 4 year old as well.

    I've been told by a psychologist that the ideal time to talk about this kind of thing is between the ages of 7 and 12. They are old enough to understand and young enough that they are still taking their moral cues from their parents.

    But I can understand you wanting to talk about it, especially if you have a girlfriend who you are ready to have around in the presence of your child.

    Hope that helped.
     
  7. sexwax

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    Yes thank you that definitely helped clear some things up also I am worried about the whole school situation with other students bullying the kids and it affecting them in a negative way
     
  8. Ettina

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    I can see two ways to handle the bullying issue (in advance), depending on the school.

    If the school is LGTB positive, then I'd recommend you come out to the principal and/or your child's teacher, tell them you're worried about your kids being bullied due to your orientation, and work out a plan with them about how to deal with any bullying that occurs. Then tell your kids that if any kids pick on them, they need to tell the person or people you came out to at their school. (This would be the ideal situation.)

    If the school isn't LGTB positive, then I recommend you tell your kids, when you come out to them, something like this: 'it's OK to like either gender. But some people think it's a bad thing to like the same gender, and they might pick on you if you told them your mommy/daddy likes the same gender. So don't tell other people, OK?' (This is less ideal - it basically puts your kids in a closet about you. But it might be necessary.)