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the story is old but it goes on...i fell in love with my best friend.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by aiden94, Mar 13, 2014.

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  1. aiden94

    aiden94
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    I tried so hard to avoid this happening and when I felt it starting to happen, I tried so hard to deny it. deny it, dont talk about it to anyone and it wont get real. that's what i kept telling myself, but i was wrong.. it is real.
    Jason is the only guy i consider a friend in college. we sign up for the same courses and we're always together at college. I've known him for more than a year now. at first, he was just a good looking stranger, then we became friends, then best friends and now, he's what i think of all the time.
    what made me fall in love with him is the little things he does; how he waits for me in the hallway, how worries about me and shows me that he cares.. i am used to usually being unappreciated and taken for granted..but with jason, I always feel special.
    the thought of him being gay never came to my mind but recently i've been noticing some signs. (Note: i dont want to get lost in the interpreting-things-as-i-want-to-see-them-process) but at the same time i don't want to be missing the picture.
    for example, with jason, there's almost always unjustified physical contact.
    like he touches me a lot. he never had a girlfriend, he has many girl friends and i noticed how he always puts girls in the friendzone.
    now i know that all that probably means nothing but im just thinking out loud.
    lately, i've been urging to come out to him! i dont know why but i just wanna tell him that im gay. so i started giving him some signs like when he asks me why i never had a girlfriend, i simply answer "because.. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:" in a teasing way. i also told him i that i lost faith in god for a reason. and when he asked me why i told him "i cant tell you now"..during that conversation, he started telling me that he's considering seeing a therapist. i asked him why? he replied with my answer ; "i can't tell you now :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:" but after i insisted, he said "i don't know. i have mixed feelings and im confused. i dont know how i can translate my feelings into words so i 'll tell you about it when im able to do that"
    is it just me or is the reason why he wants to see a therapist is because he's conufsed about his sexual orientation?
    the question is, what do i do? i'm in pain people! it hurts so much..i never felt this way before! do i tell him im gay? this way if he's really questioning his sexuality he'll come out to me too, and if not, he'll either accept me or he'll freak out and we wont be the close friends we are today.. i really dont want that to do..having him in my life is the best thing that ever happened to me..i simply dont know what my life would be like without him.
    i'm lost! please share your thoughts and opinions with me. i would appreciate any advice.
    thank you for taking the time reading about my drama. it means a lot :slight_smile:
     
    #1 aiden94, Mar 13, 2014
  2. azure au

    azure au
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    It may be an old story, but it happens to many of us. My relationship grew from friendship. But I knew my friend was a lesbian so its a little different.

    Really you can never tell if someone is gay unless they tell you. So i wouldn't read too much into the behaviors you have noticed, its just impossible to tell for sure unless he tells you

    When i found myself attracted to my friend it took me months to realize it and then to get to a point where i could deal with facing it. So if he is questioning his sexuality it might take him some time.

    I think the question is if you weren't attracted to him would you tell him you were gay? I think with close friendship chances are you would, but then you have to do that when you are comfortable to do so.

    I wish i could help you, because i have been in a similar situation. Please know i am thinking of you and wishing you all the best
     
    #2 azure au, Mar 13, 2014
  3. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Well... that certainly DOES sound like he was hinting something of that nature.
    I think you should do it. Come out to him. Just tell him
    "Hey, you know how a while back I said/you said I/you was/were confused? Is it ok if I talk to you sometime, because there's some stuff I want to tell you and I kind of need some support."

    Then when you talk to him alone, just say it.
    If you're worried about him freaking out (I don't think he will), check with him first
    "Can I tell you anything and you'll promise you'll still be my friend?"

    Please do it, it might be the only way to find out. I'm sure if the thing he was hinting is that he IS gay, he'll tell you straight away.

    Good luck, please post back with updates :slight_smile:
     
    #3 WhiteShadows, Mar 13, 2014
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