I'm seeing a really nice guy. He's 17 and I'm 20, but that hasn't really been an issue. I think he is absolutely adorable and we get along great. The first few dates were awesome and we text each other constantly. Recently though, he's been somewhat distant. His texts are shorter now and becoming farther and farther apart. He has a few things going on emotionally, and he smokes marijuana. We discussed this and I made it clear that I don't want to be involved in his smoking, and what he does is his choice. I've explained to him that I am here for him if he ever needs to talk, and that I would never judge him or think differently of him. I've tried bding patient and as understanding as possible, but it just seems like he's getting more distant every time we text. I'm giving him his space, and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but I really miss him and I don't want to give up on him. All I want to do is hold him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. Its almost been a week since we last saw each other in person, and I'm really not sure what to do at this point. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I'm not sure how serious his problems are that are going on, but if he needs substances to deal with them it may be a good idea to check on him personally. Maybe if he sees you face-to-face he'll talk more about what's going on. It sounds like he knows he has your support so he'll tell you when he's ready.
Have you tried tell him how you feel about all this? It's possible that he's busy, depressed, distracted, no longer interested or something else. Some communication with him couldn't hurt
I've told him that I do miss him, and that I want to talk to him about whatever it is that's bothering him. Our last date was amazing, but something happened between now and then and I can't seem to get through to him. I know something is bothering him, but he won't tell me anything and I can't seem to get him to talk. He texts me randomly throughout the day, but they are short and he won't hold a conversation. We used to chat for hours. All I want is for him to feel better, even if that means not being with him. I'm just not sure what to do when he won't talk to me. I tried asking him out today, but he said he was going to smoke with friends. I don't badger him with a bunch texts a everyday, but I'm tired of not getting anywhere.
Being a 17 year-old gay male, I feel somewhat qualified to take a stab at what might be happening. 17 is not out of the age-range for quick-changing emotions and rapid mood swings, as I'm sure you know. It's very easy to get a negative idea about your relationship stuck in your head and then cary that negativity on through texting, talking, lack of effort, and general bad relationship habits. I've done it before, and you just get this idea stuck in your head. It can be totally bull crap, but it sticks with you for some reason. With me, the bogus idea was that my bf and I were too different and there's no way a relationship could work. I didn't communicate that feeling to my bf, I didn't let him know, I just stopped trying. I suggest you be very forward with him. Ask him what's bothering him, ask if you can talk. See what's giving him trouble. You may be able to talk it out and figure out what the issue is, or he might get more emotional and try to break off the relationship. Either way, it's better to know than to be stuck in your position - the waiting game, unsure if your relationship will last until tomorrow. Talk to him. Definitely see what's up. Don't be rude, but be urgent.
I'll have to give that a try. In general I prefer to be gentle, but since that isn't working I guess being more forward with him may be the best option right now. I just don't want to push him so far he breaks. He's the sweetest guy.
He may be the sweetest guy, but hey may not be ready for a relationship if he can't handle the critical task of communicating. Everyone knows how important that is, but at his and my age, a lot of people don't know how to do it well.
