It is kind of weird and it feels strange but I have this bestfriend whos gotten too close with me. i asked our other male friends if theyve been treated by my bestfriend special like constant phone calls chat skype and I asked if he greets them on special occassions but all of them answered NO. but we are all close in our group.. We have our own term of endearment he would kiss me whenever we end up our chat like ''mwaaah!!! hugs!!! XO! He was never touchy eventhough we are bestfriends...he held me at my shoulder only twice but pats on my lap whenever we are sitting next to each other. I was kind of jealouse sometimes because he puts his hand our other male friends shoulder but he did it to me only twice. He often complements me on the way I look and even tells me i got beautiful eyes and my dimples are one of my assets. he even tells me that i got round butts and girls would find it sexy..it is an asset according to him..and often times calls me handsome sometimes in a joking sort of way. He never hugged me even when he left the country and he only gave me a very firm handshake but he hugged everyone there including his ex gf mom and our other two male friends. on our way home he txted me why i did not hug him..i told him that he did not initiate the hug so why would i? i dunno if its an issue but we would always tell me on skype..why did you not hug me when i left? Often times i would evade the topic though. on skype he would ask me if i would like to his chest i didnot reply but he would just strip and show me his sexy chest. Sometimes out of the blue he would take of his shirt and tell me to take pictures of him while he poses. he came home just recently and i find it weird when i can feel his warm body while sitting next to him while watching movies or even at the church or in the cab. When we are at him house he wouldnt sit next to me as if theres malice between two guys sitting next to each other. But i can feel something i dunno if it is pheromones or what specially when there's no one around but only the two of us. He one time came out of his room from a nap hes wearing only boxers he paused infront of me smiling and looked at his buldge as if hes commanding me to take a look at his buldge! hahaha! crazy! He aslo made comments several times that when he dies and becomes a ghost he would caress my butt so i would have a continuous erection and i would not sleep but he passed it off sort of as a joke. I'm too apprehensive and afraid about saying anything because he seems to identify as being straight he talks about girls a lot, sends me pictures of japaneses and blond boobies but i hardly appreciate it because but I'm definitely attracted to him. i love him! hes so kind and sweet and thoughtful...he made me feel special even though during that time hes got a girlfriend. i find it also weird because he would frequently call me during weekends and would ask me to rush home so we could talk on skype..i mean i love the attention hes been giving but sometimes i feel suffocated. And i can sense he feels jealouse sometimes because hes thinking i am hitting with my co worker who is pretty..he would always find ways to send me home.. He is a straight guy but i got this feeling tat hes a bisexual in the closet. So I'm not sure if it's normal for the straight people here to act like this. and i am too scared to ask questions for he might take offense..i dont want him to feel violated and invaded..I love Him nonetheless...I dont want our friendship to be sacrificed. Can anyone give any advice on what I should do? Should I try finding out if he's interested in me also or should I just wait things out and see where they would go? this is getting unbearable already..killing me!
I would not ask him if he isn't straight...from what you described he may not be, but then again if he is then you would risk losing him as a friend. How does he feel about LGBT people in general? Is he supportive? If he is, I might suggest telling him you're bi. Then see how he reacts after that. But I would not try to force this forward. You might risk hurting both yourself and him.
Thank you for your insight wearywardener... how does he feel about lgbt? hmmm..hes kind of confusing really..you hes got ''closet'' gay friends and he is comfortable with gays i suppose...hes got closet gay friends when hes still here and when he studied abroad he too had close gay friends and one of them he got close to and he said this ''closet gay'' man is treating him like a baby and even fetches him and let him stay on his apartment during weekends..''the closet gay guy'' got a female live in partner before but eventually split up... but on the other hand hes got conflicting opinions on gays according to him theres this one guy in hi school that flirted with him and a self confessed bisexual..their conversation got naughty and he flared up when this guy asked him it he could give him a BJ..he told the guy that hes not bisexual and he will never be bisexual..he told the guy that he loves pussy not cock...since then they never talked according to him..but he did not reveal the identity of the person even if i asked him to tell me the identity of this person..he just told me that they were once classmates in hi school and just hit on him just recently..they were not close friends according to him... he hates flambouyant fags and drag queens and hes got a cousin whose gay i think 10 yrs old and i saw once he yelled at the boy because the kid is applying make up to his girl cousins and braiding the hair and he hates it... i could recall one incident that a ''discreet gay man'' older than him asked for his number but because he was too scared he gave his moms cellphone number instead hhahaha! there were also incidents that i caught him looking at me ..he was lying on the hospital bed that time coz he went through surgery..i lied on the other bed and i caught him looking at my middle part (groin /buldge area) and when i noticed he evaded the situation and told stories instead...one time also we went for a swim with two other friends in a nearby creek...i was sitting on a rock when i noticed him looking at my thighs...one time also we were on skype..i am in a squatting position when he told me...oh your thighs are so fair..so smooth...i told him ''stop it you pervert'' instead..he just laughed...
Well, if he has other friends that are gay, then it sounds like he should be okay with them. Well, that just seems like an isolated incident. Honestly, it was very out of line for that guy to just ask if he wants a BJ. I'd be kind of mad too, depending on the situation. This seems like he's only against like the gay stereotype, but not gays in general. Especially because he had friends who were gay before. :lol: This could mean something, and then again, it couldn't. It's really hard to say for certain. From the looks of it, he really cares a lot about you. Whether if it's in a bromance or brotherly love type of way or romantic interest, it's hard to say. I would highly recommend coming out to him. Don't tell him you're attracted to him or anything, just that you're bi. Be sure to stress that you're still the same person that he knows. See how he reacts. It might get a little bit awkward for a while, but if he really is as good a friend as it seems then he shouldn't react too badly...it's really hard to say though. He has been giving mixed results for his view on gays, but I think that in the end he is not just homophobic in general, and won't react negatively in the long run.
Yes, come out to him. Since you're such close friends and he seems okay with LGBT people, you can come out to him without necessarily making him suspect you like him. He could still suspect it (and like you back if you're really lucky), but as your best friend, you might want him to know about something as fundamental as your sexuality.
Yes i know trooper..it is something i would like to share to him and confirm and i believe he has an idea already..but its hard to do now..we are not ok..we are not ok anymore... Weary wanderer here is one of the excerpts from one of my writings... please read on if you can.. the same thing happened when he was still in korea we had a squabble on skype and when asked why hes mad at me and why he hated me he told me this ''i want you to forget me..i want you and all of my friends forget me i want all the memories gone bad and good'' i replied ''isnt it clear yet that i didnot consprire with your ex gf and i know nothing about the cheating part? i just knew all about it accidentally through a common friend when i brought along your gf with me in one of our office gimmicks..i told him that and said ''you coward you liar! what really is the problem? tell me!!! he said ''YES I AM A COWARD..I REALLY AM LIAR AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY...BUT I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHY I HATE YOU IT IS JUST INSIDE ME I WILL NOT TELL YOU..I CANT TELL YOU....DONT MAKE THIS HARD FOR ME AND YOURSELF I WILL NOT TELL YOU...'' HAISSSSSTTT!!! REally tiring i cannot endure it anymore..anyway to continue on....after that inident we beacme ok...HIS CONCEPT OF OK...though he said we are ''ok'' he began avoiding me...even in church he would sneak his way out..he just wanted to avoid me and it really pains me... so after 3 weeks i went to their house to speak to him but things got even worse..he told me that everything is over our friendship is over i was emotional but i cant cry he is very mad at me..he told me that he is not comfortable that i come to their house anymore he told me ''remember when you came here on my bday? i dont like that a txt is ok but i dont like you to come here anymore'' i told him but you came also on my birthday and brought me stuff right? he said..''yes i did that because i wanted to pay you for all your help when i got confined at the hospital you get it? so it is not the same ok u undertand>?'' that night i got lost...all my senses arent working i begged for his attention and forgiveness even though i know that i did nothing BIG for him to foresake me like that... but that night he gave me another chance he told me this ''ok ill give you one more chance ok? we are still friends but for not let me be i need space (even though i donot uderstand why i just said yes) i will come back when i am ok already u understand? you cannot txt me or call me..whenever you see me on facebook donot message me unless i message you ok? (manipulative) too many requisites that i donot undestand...so that night i thought again for the nth time that everything is ok but NO...so he gave me ride (bigbike) on my way to my place..but weird thing is...he is furious and balistic but as soon as we left his house he acted like nothing happened like nothings changed...i was thinking...does this weird reaction that i am getting from him right now ..i mean the drastic shift of emotion has something to do with his parents? cousins? uncles aunts who lives nearby? did they sense something queer about me? about us? i mean i became close to them but as far as i am concern i am very discrete my manners are manly my speaking voice also....
Well, it seems that he is definitely going through a lot. It's a good sign that in the end he's trying to repair your friendship, but I think it might be best if you respect his wishes and let him come to you, not the other way around. Now I'm not sure how long ago this was, but if I were you I would wait until things settle down between you two and then you can tell him. For now though, I would just let him know that you're there for him if he ever needs to talk.
WEARY WANDERER HERES THE CONTINUATION so..i gave him space 1 month he messaged me only once in that one month space just to say hi and just a short chat... then its was our friends birthday he came..when i arrived he was smiling but i can see in his eyes he is not comfortable..i went out to use the cr then he followed me and asked me ''hey how are you? what things are you busy with right now?'' i gave him the answer to what he asked in a civilized manner... he left early and told us that hed be riding a motor cycle so he cant drink anymore..i followed him i saw him with his other friends and that pissed me and dissapointed me i confronted him about this and he just told me hed come back to the party at the other bar but he never did... that night i went to their house and confronted him..i told him that he was a liar and asked him once more what happened and what is the problem...he told me ''yeah i am a liar..i lied for my my own good'' i told him yes hes a liar indeed and that he is lying with himself'' he got mad at me and yelled at me i told him ''yeah yeah it is always like this you are always putting the blame on me why dont you speak? why are u always telling me that you dont have a problem and i am all alone in this problem? you cognitive shit!'' he got so mad..he dragged me and pushed me and yelled at me to go out of their yard...i told him ''so you are gonna hurt me? hurt me then!'' he said..''no i wont do that someones gonna do that for you(bystanders gangstares in their neighborhood)...he pussed me dragged me when his mom saw us...she pulled us away from each other and tried to appease us..he told his mom ''mommy! send that person home in ten minutes! i am losing mg patience! you asshole!'' the mom was so bothered i dont know if she knows the reason why hes son beacme like that and treated me like that..i dont know...so i went home and my whole world just ended that night..he ditched our friendship..he ditched me...now hes gone...i cannot explain the feeling the emotions as if i am gonna die because i love him so much..and thing would just end without any explanation..i donot understand that...i donot understand.... ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2014 at 12:11 AM ---------- and so it all ended that night untill now i nvere heard from him...i heard stories about him that he changed alot...he actually is dating a lot of women but often times he gets busted..one incident though that i will nevere ever take..he chatted with our old friend he flirted with her and sent her a sexual invitation he became a douche bag but according to our friend (the girl) who confided her story with me that he chaneged and talked to me because she knew we were best friends and shes wondering what happened... his ex gf spoke to me regarding this and adviced her to talk to my friend and correct his mistakes he is destroying himself...self destruction that is...what i did i talked to the girl (the one who got the booty call) and convinced her not to tell this to anyone...i spoke to the people who knew the story and controlled the wild fire sort of damage control because till now i still care for him though he ditched me..i still love him i must admit... the ex gf spoke to him and he was veru sorry about what happened and why he became a douchebag wanabbee he told his ex that he got so curious and wanted to experience sex with a girl because hes still is a virgin..he told the ex gf that hes going to try not to be an asshole anymore but the ex gf said ''No dont say ull try do it dont be an asshole! Go back and find your old self you are a lot better person before than now...that is not so you...you are lost dont be an asshole..'' the ex gf also asked him why he ditched me and he said the following reasons: *we know each other so much and it got stale and boring for the both of us *he told my mom about what happened between you(ex gf) and me why we broke up (note: he already told his mom about it before i did his moms questions were just to confirm things i believe) *our friendship became toxic *hes too confrontational(me) and i cannot bear it anymore (had he told me about the problem would i be confrontational? had i known would i go ask him again and again? if he said ok he should mean that we are ok already not just trying to put on an ''OK'' face but in reality hes still holding grudges inside) *he said that he got suffocated because i am too clingy and confrontational (maybe true but did he realize that it is important to tell the truth to address problems? *i come to their house without notice (note: theres truth on this but only on several occassions and when we are still ok ist not an issue wih him but when i came to their house several times when we are not ok anymore maybe he felt invaded and violated... I told his ex gf that sory i wont buy his reasons..he could have told me that before hand ayt? and so i asked her..so would you buy this? she said NO its been months already not to have this issues addressed she believes there really is a deeper reason that he is not willing to tell... according to his gf he asked my ex frend if there is still space for our friendship and he said...''YOU KNOW I AM NOT CLOSING MY DOORS FOR HIM...THERE IS STILL A POSSIBILITY THAT WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS BUT IM TELLING YOU NOT NOW...NOW NOW...I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM NOW ...ITS JUST GONNA HAPPEN ITS JUST GONNA HAPPEN..LETS JUST WAIT AND SEE..THERE WILL COME A TIME THAT WE WILL MEET AGAIN AND BE FRIENDS POSSIBLY BUT NOT AS CLOSE AS OUR FRIENDSHIP BEFORE....'' you know it pains me but i have no choice but to deal with it to deal with him...i feel sorry for myself that i am so stupid..and i feel sorry for him becasuse hes got too much pride..he built a wall too high i cannot cross...he evaded our old friends and created another world..he is elusive...i just hope his friends now will guide him and wont be darn assholes and bad influence on him... i feel really sad now because i love him and he still is in my system..i cant move on totally..i dunno..i still am fixated... nowi am in a state of limbo if i should still hope or not... our friendship wasnt clearly defined before it ended and it left me hanging..i dunno if it has impact on him or it is just me who is hopeful..darn it! i am so stupid..i still love him so much despite all the things ive gone through.. i dunno what he is really..i cant define if he is also inlove with me or just me...i dunno if he did all of it to ward me off because he cannot entertain that he is possibly gay and inlove with me...or bisexual or confised...i donot know if he miscalculated everything and fell in love with me too and he wanted to save his ass because it would bring him down..given his reputation an intelligent person talented musically ex college military officer buff had 2 girlfriends only child and living with his relatives...ok i am overthinking again...maybe this is the repercussion of being left hanging.... you know guys who prefer women and have a slight curioisty with men are all messed up...you know why? once they feel the urge they would end up repressing himself and would feel that that feeling is abnormal and should be avoided... darn it why do i keep on asking questions that only hhim could answer.??? I still LOVE him!!! haaaaaaaayyy!!!! please guys help me address my problem..i would be glad to hear from you...please help me analyze....
Honestly, I'd go with this too. If he did feel anything for you before, he doesn't want a relationship with you now. I would let him be and move on from him. That, and the fact that he's already in straight relationships would make it difficult at all for you to make a move. Find someone better and leave him in the past But really, I don't think there's much to be done with this situation.
