I'm sure you've heard this before, but what should one do when they're absolutely sure they're in love with a close friend. I'm 22, and I'm pretty sure I've been in love with her since I met her three years ago (although it took me a long time to realise, and admit it). She moved back to the US two years ago, but we still speak all the time. She knows I'm gay and has been super supportive but recently started to be a bit weird when I was talking about a girl who had asked me on a date. I asked her if she was comfortable with it and said that if she wasn't it was fine, I would stop talking about it. I respect that people accept homosexuality but don't wish to talk about it, but she brushed it off and assured me I was a very close friend and I could always talk to her about anything. The battle in my head is constant; if she's okay with it then why did her demeanour change the moment I mentioned somebody else? If she tells me I can tell her anything, I am sure that this is an exception. I'd rather suffer and keep her as a friend. Somebody rational, please help!
Have you ever spoken to her about previous dates or girlfriends? Maybe she's picking up on the fact you are interested in her?
Nope, this is the first time I've ever mentioned a potential date. She's spoken about date type incidents that she's been involved in so I don't think it would be odd for me to trust her with my date things if she trusts me with hers. Before I mentioned it she was really chirpy and happy, and then when I brought mine up she got real serious and didn't say too much. When she asked me for my advice I was supportive and actually took the time to talk to her to help her through her problems.
Maybe try asking again, and tell her don't use the guise of friendship as a reason to tolerate listening to things that make her uncomfortable. I'm gay, my best friend is an asexual female. I don't even discuss kissing around her or dates because of how uncomfortable it makes her, but I've never met a truer ally in my life.
If you are pretty sure that she returns your feelings, you might want to just take a chance. Be honest and direct. I recently went through a sort of similar situation, and I can say that if you keep it a secret it will hurt your friendship, because she will know you are keeping something from her. If I had to do it over again, I know I would not have waited so long to tell the person I love how I felt, because I think dancing around the issue hurt both of us. There is always a risk of course, but think things through and try not to assume *anything*.
I might give it a go when it feels right, but I'm not what her feelings are (I'm sure she's straight) but her behaviour has been so odd and I don't really know what that means.
One of the reasons I screwed up so bad was because I did not make the connection that if my friend did have feelings for me, they were not in a good position to tell me. I ended up talking to my sister for hours and she knocked some sense in to me. She told me it was up to me to take that chance, and that keeping things a secret was just not fair. No matter how things go, I think in the end I did the right thing. You can't make someone feel something they don't feel, but there will never be a chance if they don't know how you feel.
