So, my brother's thinking about going back to school. And so, he's decided to take a couple classes at my college this coming term. This wouldn't be a bad thing. If I wasn't attending school as a guy, that is. He was one of the first people I'd come out to but I don't think I can trust him. He's breached a lot of confidential information out to my mother- private conversations, my transition plans, my name. And it's really my mother finding out about me going to school as myself that has me worried. What if worst comes to worse and he's on campus the same time as I am? I can't risk him knowing I go to school in a binder and packer. I'm honestly freaking out. I've only got a couple weeks to figure this out. What do I do?
Maybe edge it out slowly to your mother? do you live with your mother? Or figure out his schedule, and see if it mashes with yours? like "hey bro what classes you taking and when? I wanna see if we'll be in the same ones" I'd really hate to give you some bad advice ;;
Still live with her and she's really not on board with the whole thing. I'm not allowed to present male at home (and she's a very...abrasive person so it's not just mild disapproval)- so school's really been the only place I can safely get away with it. I want to move out and might within next couple months. But in meantime, I'm assuming I'll still be living at home through start of term. Hoping that when he gets his schedule I can plan accordingly. The one good thing is that it's not likely he'll have the same classes as me. I'd only have to worry about the two days when he's off work and able to go to school.
And would also like to add- no, online classes aren't going to be an option for me, he's probably not going to do online either (though I can hope). And the campus isn't huge- I can concievably avoid him all day but my concern is what's going to happen if he finds out (like, I slip up and he sees me presenting male or he hears talk about me/we know the same people).
Yeah, he's see me present male. It's not a huge difference- I look pretty masculine anyway so I'm really just wearing my hair flat, wearing guy clothes (occasionally with a beanie) and packing/binding. I sometimes present male around him if my mother's out of town for over a couple days. He'd recognize me.
if he's seen you present as male, than i guess he's ok with it and the only problem is him telling your mother about it?
Yeah. And he can't keep anything confidential. I know that if he finds out I'm doing this at school of all places, the jig's up.
Thanks. Yeah, he was actually one of the first people and, at first, most supportive. But he's close to my mother and he hasn't had a great track record with keeping information confidential. The funny thing is, though, I know 2 family friends who go to my school. And I've never come across them. It seriously wouldn't be a huge deal if they found out (for one, they're not in constant contact with my mother) Think I actually walked by one of them in the halls and they didn't notice me. So could be a good sign, granted I'm not around them 24/7
Have you ever talked to him about trust and privacy? ugh Well, from your avatar pic, i think you totally pass as a boy. And I mean it! My sister and I go to the same school and we have never ever met there D: I must say the campus is huuuuuuuuuge though :/
Well, yeah. I keep a lot of confidential shit about him down- like his fondness for mushrooms and weed. My brother doesn't have a brain/mouth filter. Thanks. Best thing I've heard all day. Here's hoping. Honestly I'm really hoping he'll end up in one of the off campus buildings.
wait, what!? how can he tell of your secrets when he has so many of his own?! .___. i have a question: if you live with your mom and you are a boy in the campus; how do you get out of your house without looking like a boy?! do you change there? does your mother work all day?
My mom's stay at home but basically, I smuggle clothes in and out of the house through my bag. I keep a stash of clothes in my locker, then I change as soon as I get on campus in the first free gender neutral room. I use public transport, btw. Then, after school's over, I change back into female clothing. A gender neutral jacket conceals the switch. She's a famously nosy woman but I've managed to go undetected for two semesters.
Yeah, perhaps not admirable but I'm honestly surprised I've gotten away with it as long as I have. Makes it a little nerve wracking to do homework openly though, won't lie. I'm really hoping by fall next term, I can be fully out of the closet and no longer have to worry about this.
i meant admirable in the way that you have to go through all that just to be who you really are /: what you told me yesterday really inspired me to do something similar Thing is my mom is the one who buys me clothes (i don't work or anything) and she is not happy at all when i say i want shirts (like the one you are wearing in your avatar). so i have decided i will buy my own shirts without her knowing. Wearing them for school would be easier for me because she works all day WIN *hug*
Wow. Your brother is a complete ass. Being the bitch I am, if I were in your shoes, I'd use his secrets to keep him quiet. It's not the most noble or admirable thing to do, but that's my own knee-jerk reaction.
Glad this all helped. Huge deal to be able to be more authentic so hope it works out. -- And yes. I suppose if worse came to worse, Purple, I'll consider that...
