Issues with talking to people of the same sex

I can kinda relate to your problem. I have a bit of a stammer, that is substantially worse when I am talking to guys, especially if I have any attraction towards them. Do you have problems talking to other guys in general, or is it more in certain venues or over certain topics?

 

I guess I can relate, though I'm not too sure. I grew up in a household of women, and my dad left when I was like 3. I genuinely don't feel comfortable talking to men. I find them insanely attractive and sweet, and would love to but I can't. I think I used to have a few exceptions before I moved, but now it's just all guys.

 

I relate, and I'd say what you're going through with other guys is normal. I had the same feelings at your age, but was in a way worse off - I had very little inkling that I might be gay, so the sense of unbridgeable distance between me and other guys was even more confusing. Being gay is just one possible cause in your situation, of course.

Especially in the teenage years, the rhythms of conversation in the male world surround finding girls hot, and it can be difficult getting in to that when you're just not attracted to them. My advice would be to double down on your personality. If you want to talk about a hot guy, do. Confidence is a great thing. In my experience, nowadays, good straight guys love hanging out with confident, secure gay guys. I'm still working on confidence and swish, but you have plenty of time !

As to cars, I could never talk about cars (or football) either. Otherwise, when growing up I had pretty typical boy interests like computer programming, video games etc. - you just have to be proactive in talking about the things you like and signalling which things you don't.

It's also worth knowing this gets a LOT better in your twenties. The conversational range of most people improves massively, and straight guys get much more mature and interesting, as a general rule.

 

Yeah, I found between 14 and 18 most guys were really uncommunicative, whereas I was much more chatty, always talking about politics etc. But there are straight guys who are really into having long conversations. You just need to find them (though, easier said than done!). I mean, I'm aware that even with nice, talkative guys, the macho stuff can get really overwhelming (especially at 17!). But you should just own your persona, be yourself - you don't need to fake a macho straightness to get on with good, intelligent people, 'cause once they let their guard down, they'll appreciate you for who you are.

Once they get past the shock of hanging out with an openly gay guy, and assuming they're mature enough to do that, then yeah as long as you share some interests making friends won't be a problem. That said, maturity comes with time, and you may find that in a few years it's a little bit better. Certainly if you go to university , the dynamics if friendship are a little more adult and less juvenile, and it's an improvement.

I would come out when you can. The reason is: it provides some context for actions that might otherwise sound or look a little odd. For instance, I was at a soirée a few months ago with two people from my seminar course, and the conversation turned to football teams. I don't support a football team, nor do I care about the World Cup or anything like that, so there was this awkward pause in conversation when the two other guys - about my own age - were talking about football. I had nothing to say and just kind of smirked. It was a bit embarrassing. Had I come out to them before, however, they would've kind of appreciated that I was gay and exempt in a way from certain 'core requirements' of masculinity, like supporting a football team.

Note: obviously I know gay guys can like football just as much as anyone else, but my wider point is that openly gay people have more flexibility in terms of the gender performance they can exhibit...

 

Not all guys are the same... if you try to talk to lets of guys, eventually you'll find some that talk about things you're interested in

 

Great! Good luck :icon_bigg

 

Well, I'm 19 and there's only been about 3 guys IRL I have ever felt comfortable around.
3. To put this in perspective... there's more than 3.5 billion men in the world
I'm joking, but... they're difficult to talk to. We have nothing in common and they have sth I don't. An unquenchable thirst to prove their manliness and make mean jokes to one another. I find that insufferable. I can't be around that.
Even gay guys are difficult! The ones whom aren't assholes, are queens... Or even worse! Hipster queens! XD

What I have decided? That I can't relate to straight men. I've given up.
You could do the same if you feel you can't talk to them.