Just joined this forum so hope this is in the right place. I'm closeted and don't really have anyone to talk to (I know, I know...I'm working on it). I've fallen head over heels for a coworker of mine. He is straight- on Facebook, has at least one ex girlfriend, talks about dating girls...but I thought he was cute when I first saw him and after awkward hellos we finally got to know each other at a company event at a bar. We hit it off well and had similar interests, made fun of each other, laughed for hours. We started having lunch more and more often and I started inviting him out with my group of work friends. He almost always had plans but had fun with us when we were together. He gets noticeably nervous when people talk about girls with him and has told me personal secrets that I feel he would only tell if he wanted to be closer. This sounds even more ridiculous that I would assume there was any possibility of being with him after writing all this down but I still can't get him out of my head and can't sleep. Any advice on how to get over this?
IMO, you won't get over this fully until things are more obvious. If this guy is not homophobic and you feel he is trustworthy (since he seems to trust you with some private matters,, it might be best to come out to him. You don't even have to say you have feelings for him, but it will help him understand your reactions. Otherwise, you will always have that "What if?" hanging in the back of your mind, maybe even pushing this guy away, which could confuse him.
Come out to him like resu said. Ask him about lgbt topics first if you need to check he's not homophobic.
Hi there and welcome to EC. I agree with both posters above, however, I realize that when you are in the closet the advice of "come out to him" is easier said than done. Unfortunately, in a situation like this where the indication that he is gay is seemingly zero, it may be the only way for you to ever find out/get closure. If you think you can trust him and feel like you are ready to take that step, by all means the advice above is great, but if not, perhaps try asking him more questions to find out how he feels about gay/bi people. His reactions might not promote you telling him, but if they are negative, it might also give you some closure that its not meant to be.
It is really easier said than done for sure... Welcome to EC, by the way. Here is your sex on the beach and your rainbow wristband Are you conortable with your friendship situation? If the answer is yes, then you should cherish it, heads up. He seems to trust you, why not returning that confidence? Be you, really, keep talking and keep your everyday. Soon or later the time to come out as gay to him might come. None of my friends know i am gay and i am not even worried. I don't want them to know cause it's not the time and i also have a major crush my own, but i am letting time go. Soon i'll be confident to come out, while that not happens, i am satisfied with the present.
If it's just a crush keep it in. Not worth ruining a good friendship unless you're already in love with the guy.
