So I'm kind of in a weird place right now, and I could use some help clarifying a few things in my life. TL;DR: Casual hookup is turning into something more. So I hooked up with a guy on Craigslist last week. I meet the guy, and he's ridiculously good looking. After e-mailing back and forth over a few hours, I finally go and pick him up. We drive out to a secluded spot, amid horribly awkward small talk. We get out of the car, continue our awkward conversation about music, decide it's too cold, and go back to the car. Initially, I'm thinking that I should just drive him back. But instead, I ask him, "So, you wanna mess around." Well holy shit. I lean in to gently kiss him, and he almost rips my head off. I never expected a stranger to kiss me like that. Totally hot. I can give details if you really want, but things went well. Long story short: we both lean back, spent, look at each other, and say, "Wow..." Things weren't so awkward after that. He told me to text him when I dropped him off. So I did, and we agreed to meet for a movie. I see him at the end of the week, take him for a walk through the park, introduce him to my favorite beer, watch "Frozen" with him, and we have coffee together afterwards. All in all, we spent 6 hours together, and things were not awkward in the least. We both had a blast, even though the most we did was hug when we said goodbye. I'm seeing him again this weekend, and we're going out for drinks and karaoke, since we both sing. So ... thoughts? Am I crazy for reaching out to this guy? Is it even possible to start dating a guy you met casually? Should I be concerned that he doesn't seem to like public displays of affection? I've never tried dating a guy before, but this seems to be going really well, and I have no regrets in seeing this through. I guess if I'm making a mistake, I'm hoping that someone here will be kind enough to let me know.
This isn't a mistake in the slightest. Enjoy what you have with him. But of course, safety first. Just as long as he doesn't turn out to be a creeper, everything should be A okay.
^ Sounds good to me. Safety first, yes. No creepers allowed. Nothing wrong whatsoever with casually meeting a guy and forming a connection. Cute that you watched Frozen together, I love that movie. Also, don't worry about PDAs. Some people like them, some don't. Nature of the beast. If he doesn't then so be it, save all those kisses for later when you are in private
He's not a creeper in the least. I guess since we met anonymously, there's this strange dynamic where we aren't prying into each other's personal lives too much. But he's a clean-cut, non-scene guy, cultured, smart, and a musician to boot. Sorry about that. I really like this guy.
It ain't weird for gay relationships to start off with sexual encounters. It is good you found something more than just casual sex in that. I am great believer in honesty and if you have any problems, first talk it with him. I also don't like too much public display but that doesn't mean I love the man I am with less.
Yeah, Frozen was pretty awesome. If any other guy asked me to see it, I would've said no. Watching that movie with him just felt so right. Everything was perfect. Especially listening to him sing some of the songs. :icon_bigg ---------- Post added 19th Mar 2014 at 01:43 AM ---------- Thanks, I actually feel much better after reading this. I'm actually not big on PDAs myself. I guess I just really wanted to cuddle or hold his hand during the movie. But as you said, a lack of public displays does not equal a lack of affection. God, I can't wait to see him again!
Not lucky. Just persistent. I've had my heart broken many times. And because of how I met this guy, there are still many things we need to figure out. But thank you all for the encouragement. I'm gonna keep pushing forward to see where this goes. Pun intended. ---------------- “Never give in -- never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” ― Winston Churchill
Honestly, I read the whole thing and I believe i can say for everyone around here... HOLY SHIT, I WISH MY LIFE WAS THAT EASY!!
@yeahyeah: A creeper is someone whose interest in you is generally very self-centered. They're often really persistent and sometimes stalkerish. Often, but not always, creepers are older guys preying on younger ones. @pianoguy: I know a couple of people who have gotten into relationships that started out as hookups. It's possible for it to work, but what usually gets in the way is fear of emotional intimacy. Generally, but not always, people who do hookups do so because it feels safer than having an authentic connection (hence the odd dynamic of not talking much about your lives.) Now... with my two friends (M and D) that ended up in a relationship after a hookup, they openly talked about the intimacy fear... it was a very real problem for D, who had never been in a relationship for more than a couple of weeks and admitted that he was essentially afraid of that. But they stayed together for 3+ years, and it was, for the most part, a pretty healthy relationship. So I'd say take it kinda slow on the personal communication/in-depth conversation front and just see how it plays out. And it's probably pointless to even say this, because it's clear there's a strong connection for both of you, but at least be open to the possibility that it may come to an abrupt end if your friend isn't prepared to deal with the real feelings that are already developing. It may not happen... but I've seen it happen many times in similar situations. If you can get to a place where both of you can talk about those concerns, then you're more likely to find a way to solve the problem... this is what my friends M and D did. Hope that helps!
This is incredibly helpful. I've been thinking a lot about how/when to breach certain topics with him. Things are so comfortable that I never considered he might still have some fears. I know I certainly do. I hope we can talk about them someday, as your friends did. If you don't mind me asking, what caused them to break up?
I think, ultimately, they were moving in two different directions. They remain friends, but one is traveling all over the world, working, on many different adventures, while the other is comfortably settled down. I don't think it was related to lack of intimacy, just to growing in different directions.
This is very true of straight relationships as well. Especially if I learned anything from my friends in university. Haha. If I had a dollar for every time I knew someone that went to the bar single, went home with a girl they hooked up with drunk, and then started dating a week later... well... let's just say I'd have a lot of dollars....
LoL, I guess you're right. Didn't think of it that way. I just never saw myself as a hookup kinda guy. Then when I met this guy, I never imagined I've ever want to see him again, so I'm sorta freaking out. A lot has changed in the past 2 weeks, and things seem to be moving very fast. My deepest thanks to you, and everyone who have helped me sort things out and put them in perspective.
It is bit of a culture thing that it doesn't work that way for straight people. Women usually save themselves for marriage so a guy must put a ring on it to do the deed. If a relationship would start that way, guy thinks she is easy and not worth marrying so usually that kind of relationships stays on physical level.
I think you're right that there's a certain cultural/societal element at work here. But from my POV, the same issue is faced with same-sex couples. Due to how I met this guy, there's a strong possibility that he's hooked up with other ppl since we've been seeing each other. Not the best foundation for any relationship … but a foundation nonetheless, that can be repaired, strengthened, and built upon (I hope!)
