Okay, so hello everyone! I just wanted to write down my feelings somewhere and I felt like this site would be a suitable place to do it. To begin with, I'm an 18 years old boy and so is my friend. We've known each other for 3 years now, ever since we started high school. I've had countless of straight guy crushes during the high school and every time got over those. This feeling, however, is nothing like what I've felt before - this one has lasted forever and only grows stronger each and every day. (And just to state: no, I'm not out to anyone, yet). We started out as a pretty casual friends just talking to each other sometimes about random stuff. First few years at high school I didn't really have any romantic feelings for him, instead as a naïve young man I crushed on the straight good-looking guys. Those feelings usually lasted from week to a couple of months. So, time passed on and we became closer and closer friends. Then this one night at his car, he was driving me home and we just ended up touching each others hands (he made a mess with ice cream ). It felt weird, so intimate, even though I was just helping him to clean up. Afterwards we ended up getting pretty close physically too, touching each other every now and then.. It never felt awkward, it felt nice. Soon I realised I had fallen head over heels in love with him. Our friends started joking we're gay as we get pretty affectionate with each other. Resting my head on his shoulder, tickling each other, sharing drinks/food, just touching in general and verbally teasing. We do pretty much everything together. However lately I've gotten so jealous if he's talking to other people, I just can't help the feeling. He's my friend and I only want the best for him. Only thing is my feelings get in the way... It'd break my heart to see him have relationship with someone. Also to be honest, I can not tell whether he could be gay/bi or not, there could be a VERY slight chance he's into me too - but still I'm skeptical. We never talk of dating, he has never dated anyone. My head is a complete mess right now, I mean he's my best friend and I really can't afford risking our friendship by confessing to him. Everything seems like a lose-lose situation. How can I cope?
Hey, I've been there before. At least I've been in a really similar situation. Read my blog if you want to know about it. It's tough. The question is, is he straight? The answer is probably yes, but you need to find out to move on from here. How close are you as friends? Have you told each other that you're best friends, or that you can tell each other anything? If not, then I think you need to get closer to him. Tell him he's your best friend, ask him if you can tell him anything and that he won't judge him. Then you need to tell him you're orientation and-or feelings for him. You just need to reassure him that you still want to be friends no matter what his response is, and make him promise not to leave your friendship. I really hope this works out for you (*hug*)
