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Difficult relationship situation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Bryony, Mar 21, 2014.

  1. Bryony

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think either I'm getting queerer, or I'm just realising that I'm queerer than I thought. I'm finding myself less and less attracted to men (or realising I wasn't really ever attracted sexually?). This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that I'm currently in a straight relationship.

    Obviously I need to say something and soon.

    I really like the guy I'm currently dating - he's honestly been the best boyfriend I have ever had. I really want to stay friends with him because he's an awesome guy. I just don't know how to go about letting him go gently. My past breakups have all been hot messes.

    It's nearly our 1 year anniversary (2 weeks away), so I guess that kind of complicates things. I'm also his first relationship so I worry he'll take it badly no matter what happens. My birthday is coming up soon too, so I'd like to end it before then so he doesn't feel like he's obliged to buy me some expensive gift. Though maybe he's already bought me something. I don't know.

    The only relationship problem we've ever had has been our differing opinions on becoming parents. I don't ever want to have my own kids - there are so many kids that need adopting and I want to adopt. He wants his own children. I've tried to talk this through with him before, but he just said something to the effect of 'we're young, we don't have to think about any of that right now' and changed the subject.

    I think I'm going to bring that up again and base the breakup around that because it's a really big thing that a couple with any intention of being serious about their relationship needs to agree on. I worry I'll hurt him if I tell him I'm not sexually attracted to him, but then I also worry he will respond by telling me he can change his mind about kids.

    I guess my rebuttal would be that I can't accept he has changed his mind because he's told me so many times how much he wants kids and I don't want him to start to resent me 20 years down the road for not letting him pass on his genes... but I also feel like I'm lying a little bit because I'm not giving him the whole truth. I don't know. I just want to stay friends.

    Does that sound like a good plan? Has anyone had any experience with this kind of thing before? How did it go? Any help/advice/ideas at all would be appreciated. Thanks <3
     
  2. LuvMyIB

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    Staying friends after you tell him may not be an option! I'm sorry to say that but I was engaged to be married to my best friend ( a male) but I had to call it off. I needed to be true to myself in who I was and it took it very hard!!! He wasn't angry at me I believe it was more hurt because I was his first true love. It's been 20 years now and I still love this man as my best friend but because of the hurt I inflicted on him we could not remain friends. I am extremely happy with my life now and I thank myself for making the right decision on being true to who I was. I still miss him but I would have missed out on my life if I stayed in a false relationship. Be truthful with him and see where it leads you.

    You maybe surprised but you also my get hurt. Being true to yourself will be more rewarding then living a lie! Good luck to you in what you decide!
     
  3. Bryony

    Regular Member

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    Oh dear - I'm sorry to hear how your breakup went. I hope my boyfriend doesn't take it the same way. It's a pretty similar situation with the whole 'first love' thing.

    Thanks for sharing your story. It's good to at least know my worries aren't unfounded. Kind of a relief in a strange way? I really agree that I shouldn't try to live a lie. It's not fair on him or me.

    I just hope my breakup goes a little better. Sigh.