My girlfriend and I have a really great relationship and so far we haven't had any problems but whenever she sends me pictures of her drinking it bugs me. I don't understand why it bugs me so much, I wish it wouldn't. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to be controlling or tell her what she can and can't do. Any advice?
I think that the best thing you could do is just talk to her about it. As your partner, I'm sure that she'll understand and that y'all will be able to work something out and come to an agreement.
that's part of the problem, i don't understand why it bothers me so much. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 09:29 PM ---------- i do want to talk to her about it but a problem is that i don't understand why it bugs me, how can i expect her to understand when i don't understand myself?
It would be sensible to explore it in yourself first. Do you have a history of alcohol abuse in your family? That's usually the biggest trigger of such feelings/behaviors.
Do you have any alcoholism problem in your family/close friend's family before? Maybe a movie/story about alcoholism that effected you too much? I would feel uncomfortable with those pictures but my dad was an alcoholic and I know how it change a person. Actually those pictures would end up my relationship with anyone. I don't buy I can handle it crap when it is alcohol or drugs.
I wonder why you are ashamed and nervous that you don't like something about your gf. Being in a relationship doesn't mean we have to have our partner on a pedestal. We are allowed to dislike some things about them, you know? Drinking can become an addiction. An addiction doesn't mean that she will be "under the table" every evening. And you probably know it and can imagine that it can become worse and it will be YOU who will have to deal with it. And that's why you probably don't like it. Not to mention that if you are sober, drunk people can look pretty disgusting.
I'm not sure, I know that it's enough to get drunk. She does it on school nights too which makes me worried about how she's going to be feeling the next day
Yikes. Drinking to get drunk, on school nights, once or twice a week is a pretty serious problem that often indicates either deeper issues (anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills) or a risk of alcohol abuse. You never answered the question as to whether there's a family history of alcohol abuse in your family. It's worth knowing that many children/siblings of alcoholics or other substance abusers have an uncanny knack for (unconsciously) seeking out alcoholics as their partners. So if that's an issue you can relate to, there may be two pieces worth looking at here, one being your own issues (there's a lot of books and research on the issues that adult children of alcoholics face) and one being what's going on with your girlfriend. The problem is, no one can help someone who has a drinking problem unless and until they are ready to acknowledge there's a problem and they have a real desire to work on it. My suggestion would be to just have an open and frank discussion with her, not in the sense of saying "You have a problem" but perhaps more in the "I've noticed a lot of pics of you with alcohol, and I know that you are drunk a couple of times a week. That concerns me because I care about you, and it's usually an indication of a developing problem. Are you willing to talk about that?" If she's willing to discuss it... then talk about how it makes you feel, and what your concerns are, and see where the conversation leads. If she's not... this may not be a good relationship for you.
