Alright so on this forum I've discussed the fact I live in a toxic environment with a mother and stepfather who treat me in a way that has greatly contributed to my severe lifelong depression and anxiety. I've discussed how badly I want to move away and find my own place, but that I'm too financially strapped to be able to afford to do so. Anyway, this week, my parents are going away to Florida leaving me by myself in the house for six nights. I should be jumping for joy, freedom at last, if only a brief respite! But instead I am filled with fear and dread and anxiety about how lonely and isolated I will feel during those six nights. Even though I have limited social interaction with my parents, and we argue often, at least I feel there is a sense of comfort that there is someone else in the house that I can go and talk to if I really needed someone. Just to know I am not alone. Similarly, I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts in my dorm room at college, but just the thought of hearing other students around gave me comfort. But so now I am filled with panic. I thought I was ready to move out on my own, but apparently a pathetic 23-year-old child is filled with anticipation anxiety and dread about the thought of spending just six nights by myself in the house. I spent four years away from my parents living in a dorm at college in Massachusetts (along with Study Abroad semesters in Rome, Italy and Moscow, Russia). I once spent a Spring Break week in Vienna, Austria all by myself, with not even a cell phone, not speaking a lick of German beyond "Grüß Gott", I got on a train to a plane to another train to a hotel and somehow made that into a fun week despite the awkwardness and self-consciousness of sitting by myself in cafes and restaurants surrounded by couples and families having a good time in a different language. But now this feels different. I was obviously able to keep myself busy exploring a foreign city as a fun holiday and seeing all the sights for a week. I don't know what I am going to do having to man the house for a week by myself in my boring shitty hometown, just sitting in this house all by myself, drive to work, come home, in nasty cold weather (more snow is even in the forecast). Or maybe I really have regressed emotionally and become even less mature than the teenage dorm-dweller and 20-year-old world traveler I once was. But this upcoming week really scares me, and the idea that I'm terrified of just spending six nights alone scares me even more, will I ever feel comfortable to just move out and live on my own? Why do I have such terrible anxiety about feeling lonely and isolated and abandoned because my parents go away to Florida for a week? Based on my shyness, I'm typically considered pretty introverted, and I suppose I am an introvert overall, but at the same time there is an extrovert side of me that is just buried beneath my social anxiety, I crave human social interaction and being alone scares me. My depression is already in a really bad state recently, so I'm afraid of what depths I will sink to during a week of total loneliness and isolation from human social contact. My social worker whom I usually see on Fridays coincidentally happens to be away on a conference this week, so I won't even have her as a resource on Friday, I have no other real social support network to speak of. Any ideas on how to cope with these irrational fears and anxieties about being alone? :icon_sad:
Your not alone, im here!! Im always here for you......... There are a lot of good people on here that you can chat with during those six days too...... Your not alone
I sound like a broken record but it would really help if you had people to connect with, in a way thats less about being alone and more about talking about stupid things like reality tv (I love reality tv) or sort of like how girls talk about make up and boys/girls. answering questions and reading other peoples posts here is a good starting point, judging by your post score it seems you've already done that. The whole point is to build a sense of self in relating to others, and be like 'oh that person likes what I like', or 'Ive done that before.... how embarrassing'. and when you're confident about what you like doing, and what makes you happy, it makes it easier to connect with people here and in the world before you know it, you'd be looking back and wonder why you let it get to you so badly.
Aww thanks. (*hug*) But the problem is, internet chatting just isn't enough. I don't know what it is, I don't think I could ever live alone, I don't feel comfortable unless I have someone I know and love with me in the house.:icon_sad: ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2014 at 08:44 PM ---------- Yeah, it's a bit too late for me to suddenly generate some huge social network of friends to hang out with rather than be alone this week. I don't really have any people to connect with, I'm just so alone and depressed.
(*hug*) Wish I were there to give you a hug in person. Partly because you seem like a good person and my heart goes out to your plight. The other part is because I am in a similarly lonely position, except I do live on my own and it's absolutely horrible. Again, like you, I have no friends close by to speak of (the ones I thought I had have all abandoned me), and my family will never accept me as queer, so it is nothing but echoes (and alcohol) to keep me company. Your regression comment strike a chord with me too, because I feel that is exactly what my direction is right now. I'm actually old enough to be your father (barely), but I feel more like an insecure, fragile little six-year old girl. I desperately need someone to (*hug*) me, but not let go; hold me tight and reassure me over and over that it's going to be all right and that I will be taken care of. This just a few of days after feeling pretty secure and happy (thanks, heart). So I maybe feel your pain. If I could will physical comfort your way, I would. Hope things work out for you.
I understand your fears I have never enjoyed being alone and when I house sit for my grandparents I hated being alone, but it was really just at night most of the time I felt that way, its a good thing they have a dog that was there to help. I actually like being by myself in the house if there is someone else in the house somewhere at least. But you'll get through it I did and if I can do it you can, trust me.
The one thing that keeps me going when living alone is just to keep out of the house as much as possible.
Yes, go outside to a public area like a park or library, where you can be with other people even if you're not interacting directly with them.
