Are there any others parents here and....?

I wish I was a mother

 

^^
I wish i was a father, my kids would get so much love and affection.

 

I have two children, a girl 8 and a boy 10. They're beautiful, smart, funny and quite the handful at times. They've been incredible dealing with news of our pending divorce, though we have not gone into the reason behind the divorce. The kids have a number of friends who have parents that either are currently divorced or have remarried or that have a father-figure in their lives, so they're comfortable with the non-traditional, non-nuclear family model. What they have not experienced is anything to do with non-traditional families like having a gay parent. Once I'm on my own and have someone special who's been in my life for a while that feels comfortable meeting the kids, then we'll broach the subject if they're at the point of being conscious of sexuality. Of course, the issue could be forced before then if word filters back to them unintentionally.

If it were only up to me, I would probably just have a high-level talk with them now so that the divorce would not be some mysterious thing that appeared out of nowhere. But, at the same time they have shown no signs of being able to filter what they say, so they could easily set themselves up to being teased or ostracized among their friends if they went around telling kids they have a daddy who likes men. It's a conservative area we live in; while not openly hostile to gays, it's just not something that's seen in the immediate area. I have no problem with anyone finding out for my own sake, I don't have a closet to run back into this time... I pulled the pin on the hand grenade as I walked out the door and all that's left of it are pieces of debris that are being cleared away in therapy.

 

I have two daughters, ages 13 and 16. I came out to my wife almost 7 months ago, and told the oldest the next day. She was very nonchalant about it and said she knew plenty of gay people and was cool with it. And then she added "I'm not, by the way!" She has shared Facebook posts supporting same-sex marriage and has gotten into some rather heated discussions there about gays in general and was always very supportive.

I held off on telling my youngest until a few weeks ago. I didn't expect her to have a problem with it--she knows a few openly gay people and doesn't have a problem with them. I waited with her only because she's a pretty chatty kid without a lot of filters in what she says, and I was concerned that she would let some comment slip before my wife was really ready to deal with any potential fallout. Her reaction was very hard to read. She was clearly surprised, and when I told her that she could talk to me, her mother, or her big sister if she had any questions, she added that she could also talk to her guidance counselor at school. And then she went about her business.

Not a thing has changed between us since then, and the subject hasn't come up since. It hasn't with my oldest either. And realistically, why would it? Their mother and I are still married for now, for assorted reasons that are starting to seem less and less important, and I'm not out to the community at large. My slowly developing private life isn't really part of their daily lives, although my oldest knows that there's a guy I am close friends with, with the potential of something more, and seems to feel I deserve some happiness (my relationship with my wife has been rocky for many years, for many reasons). I'm not entirely sure how they will react once that happens, but both of them are very gay-friendly kids. They are both QUITE straight as well, I might add, and are very much boy-watchers! Their sole reaction to learning some guy is gay tends to be regret that he is now off-limits and unavailable. And flipping into "dad" mode, I wish some of the straight ones were off-limits and unavailable too--I don't think I'm ready for this!

 

Oh, this is so sweet
You are definitely not alone.

 

Same here.

 

I have three kids. After I came out to my wife 3 weeks ago, it has been a battle to get them to agree to my coming out to them. This is the final struggle I suppose...

 

My wife was absolutely furious that I had told our oldest without her presence and approval, but later started pressuring me to tell the youngest (which I planned to anyhow, but did when it seemed logical to do it). She fully expected some devastated, horrified reaction from her, and was quite shocked (and, I suspect, disappointed) when I mentioned 2 days after the fact that I had come out to her, because she didn't walk around the house in a daze of shock and horror afterwards.

Our community is a fairly conservative, aggressively Norman Rockwell sort of town. How this will play out once I am more out remains to be seen, but we raised our girls to be confident and principled, and I don't see this hurting them. They have stood up for things (and people) before who weren't generally accepted, and have been very much able to take the heat for it. Bottom line, really, is that they also love and accept their dad, and any comments or side-eyes from the more intolerant kids isn't going to change that.

 

I don't really have anything relevant to contribute, but I do have a question....
For those of you who are same-sex parents.... what do the kids call you? I imagine they can't call both the parents "dad" or "mum" due to confusion. How do you overcome this?

 

Haha I'm in a poly relationship where there's two men involved. My girlfriend said when we have kids I'm "daddy" and he's "father". I mean there's tons of variety in name for parents.

 

I have two daughters, an almost four year old and a one year old. They both have the same father, but I had my first while I was with my ex wife (whom my oldest calls mom and I'm mommy) and the other one isn't old enough to know any different and she has CdLS, so I don't know that she will ever grasp the concept with age either.

Its all my oldest has ever known and she gets confused sometimes like "will you and daddy ever get married? Do you still love daddy?" Things like that, but its mostly because a large portion of the other kids in her life have a mommy ans daddy only so, questions arise, but they to teach her love and go with the flow. She never really blinks an eye to same sex couples, we don't shelter her from general affection of solid couples when they are around no matter sexuality.