I came out to my parents a few days ago, and it went as expected, minus getting hit. They don't want a daughter, they want a son, and I feel terrible for a few reasons: one, I can't provide them the son they want, and it makes me feel like a heartless bitch; two, they won't love me for me and want me to wait until they don't have to be seen with me; and three, they think I'm a liar and confused. I've never had so much clarity about what I wanted to do. I want to be a girl so badly, but they won't let me. I made a video I plan on showing them to let them know how much it hurts, being told that you can't be you, but I don't know if I should even show them. W=As the title says, what should I do?
What should you do. What should you do. The first thing you need to do is clear one thing up in your head. The easiest, biggest and most damning mistake people seem to make when coming out is approaching it the wrong way. It's something most of us do completely by accident, without realising it's a thing. I'll explain. What I am about to write is what 'coming out trans' is supposed to be, in it's most direct and brutal format. There will be no fluffed up words, no explanations or anything. "I'm a woman." That's it. Coming out is literally just telling someone a fact about yourself. Arguably it is no different than telling someone you like green jelly or you are particularly fond of summer! You are telling someone something about you! Let's take my jelly argument and compare it to me being sure I am a woman. "I like green jelly" vs "I am a woman" I am as certain as it is possible to be about both statements. Nobody can tell me I am 'wrong' about these things because both of them are my personal thoughts. Neither of these things change who I am fundamentally (I will come back to this) I do not need permission from others to think these things. That last one is very important. Usually when we tell someone we are trans, we get it into our heads that we need their permission to do it. Because ultimately, if they say they think it's bad, we are left feeling like we shouldn't do it. You are NOT asking for permission here. If this is who you are, it's who you are. All you are doing is letting someone know, there is no permission to be given, it's your life and you live it how you please. "I can't provide them the son they want, and it makes me feel like a heartless bitch; two" This implies two things: 1. They deserve the son they want 2. That having a son is better than a daughter The problem with this, and it ties in to something I said earlier, is that people get hung up on having the ideal 'son' or 'daughter' as opposed to having a GOOD CHILD. You can't provide them with the son they want...well how is that YOUR fault? If you had been born with the right body you wouldn't be able to provide them with that anyway! But let's examine this a bit. The 'son they want'. Well WHAT son do they want? Do they have a list of things a 'son' must do in order to be what they wanted? Should you be playing sports and shooting things, impregnating women and blasting beers? If so, how many of those things would you be doing if you pretended you were male your whole life? Why do I bring that up? Because it leaves them with these options: 1. You don't meet their specification and they don't consider you the son they want - in which case, they don't deserve CHILDREN, let alone the son that they want. You shouldn't hold your children to a specification. 2. You don't meet their specification and they DO consider you the son they want - in which case what they REALLY want is just for you to be 'male', which means they are either sexist, transphobic or both, in which case their opinions aren't really worth your time. By all means show them your video, I hope it works. I really hope your parents are just in shock and will come around. HOWEVER, do NOT sit there and feel bad that THEY cannot accept YOU. EDIT: I said I'd come back to something and then forgot: Neither of these things change who I am fundamentally What makes you YOU? I'll save you several hours of in depth thought and tell you that YOU are NOT your body. You are your mind. Your personality. If your brain was transported into another body, the people that like you would still like you, because they like who you are INSIDE. I have found that all the things I have done during my transition have allowed me to bring out more of the good parts of me and lessen some of the bad parts. I can do that because I am happier and more confident than I have ever been. I have not changed fundamentally, but I look different in a lot of ways. I am not a 'different person' I just appear different. It can be difficult to understand the difference but it is worth considering it, because it makes things a lot easier to understand and explain to people once you get it!
