Feel like I deny myself more than others.

I feel stuck more than my own family. I have come out to the main people I have listed and they have said that they are proud of me. The issue is I feel indifferent still. I feel like why the hell did I have to be the one who is lesbian? I have issues with relationships because one I am not out to all and well I am scared to say anything to all because then it will become a reality to me. I think some people may have a clue that have met me, but not too sure. I think the most difficult part is not knowing anyone who is gay/lesbian too. I have spoken to my mother about my feelings for a girl and still feel weird talking to her about it. She will ask me what I see in the girl and never really know how to answer besides that I just have feelings. I also still find myself hiding simply because if I see someone who looks really beautiful I will just keep it to myself as opposed to some people who can just yell it to the world. Overall, it sucks. I also don't have the greatest self confidence since well I hide from the world especially people who get close to me. With time does the acceptance kick in? I ask this because in a way I accept myself, but in another way I feel like crap.

 

I was on the fence with telling people and my doctor I spoke to this last week made the same point. She said why put a label on yourself, you like girls. Why not just say you are a human being who just happens to like girls. It is strange when people say who cares when I say I like girls (not many know) since I expect them to hate me so. Like you said I need to learn to accept myself before anything. Thank you for your response. Have a great evening.