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I'm in love with my straight best friend, and I really need him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by exalegate, Mar 30, 2014.

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  1. exalegate

    exalegate
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    Hi everyone. I'm going to keep this as short as I can, but it's a very long story and I really, really need help :frowning2:

    There's a boy at my school in my year called Ben. I'm 15 now, and throughout my time at school I had never really spoken to him before. At the start of September 2012, I was next to him in English on the seating plan, and we gradually began to get to know each other. He started messaging me on social networks, and before long, we became friends. I didn't really have too many friends at that point, so I didn't have much experience in 'closeness' so I didn't know whether I was doing stuff right. He was very persistent, and he still kept messaging me and trying to get to know me better. By around December, I'd say we were good friends.

    One day in December at the school carol service, I felt his arm lean against mine. It sort of gave me this feeling, and I really couldn't describe it. I just clicked, and all of a sudden, I KNEW I liked him. I had never really thought about my sexuality before that, but I can remember clearly that on that one day I just figured out that I really liked him.

    Time went on, and we continued to grow closer. By January 2013, we were doing stuff a lot of the weekends and we always used to message each other. He was my first proper friend . I grew more and more attached to him, and he did with me too. He used to say stuff like "I can't imagine being without you", and he used to call me "amazing". At this point I knew I liked him romantically, so it sort of gave me hope that he might be gay, and he might like me too.

    Time continued to move on, and as a few months went by, we just continued to grow closer. He helped me make new friends, he let me join his clubs and my life was really improving. He said we were best friends which made me so happy, but at this stage I loved him. I knew I had to tell him.

    So in May 2013, a few days after my birthday, I told him I liked him and that I'm gay / bi. He took it well, but told me he didn't like me, and that he wasn't. That's when it all changed.

    Just weeks after, he told me that we weren't really best friends, and that he just said it to cheer me up because he knew I didn't have many friends. That destroyed me. He also stopped giving me those nice compliments, and if I stood close to him he moved really far away. He started getting paranoid about it, and now if I try to give him a friendly hug he hits me and thinks I'm making a move on him. As the months went by, he continued distancing himself from me and our friendship had really weakened. He treats me completely differently to how he did, and I can't even type all of the stuff that happens, because it'll be far too long. He doesn't do as much stuff anymore, and I can tell he doesn't like me as much as he did. I'm not sure what changed it. I'm convinced he liked me and was curious, what other explanation is there?

    A year on, and now it's getting unbearable. He has now met a girlfriend, and he has told me I must get over him. I'm happy for them, but I see him go over and hug her, and he tells me how much he misses her. That's what I've wanted for sooooo long, and I can't ever have it. Not only that, but I'm losing him as a friend and it's so hard.

    I hate knowing that I'll never be treat like others again. He always moves away from me, and if he ever felt me lean on him he'd instantly walk away. It's horrible not getting treat like others, and I don't know what I can do to get him to change that.

    This weekend we were on a camp together. I was resting my arm on his shoulder while putting up a part of the tent, and he shoved my off and got really angry. Just moments before, someone else had did the exact same thing, and he didn't do anything. I just burst into tears because I can't physically cope with not having him. I'm madly in love with him and I really don't know how to get over him.

    I need to get over him, but I don't know how. I love him so much and he's everything to me. Please help me find a way.
     
    #1 exalegate, Mar 30, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2014
  2. MDNA

    MDNA
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    Hi!
    Firstly welcome to this forum :slight_smile:

    Now, I can sort of relate to your emotions. Even I had a friend like that. But the difference is that i never told him how I felt.
    I want you to know that its not your fault. You cant control who you like. He's the one acting stupid. But you should realise that if he isnt gay, you just cant make him (as much as the anti gay ppl seem to believe in it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: ).
    What I did to get over my emotions was to realise that I deserved somebody better, somebody who knows how to treat me well. The same goes for you. You dont need him. I know right now it feels like your entire world around him, but trust me, in time you will get over it. :slight_smile:
    Try to avoid contacts with him. Try to control the urge to text or call him. And dont give the opportunity to rebuke him. Dont touch him or anything (make yourself believe that he;s really dirty :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )
     
    #2 MDNA, Mar 30, 2014
  3. MsKCorleone

    MsKCorleone
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    Wow,this sure sounds like a whole lot you're going through. Straight crushes are always hard to cope with.
    I know you must feel like shit and perhaps think this'll never end,but you should try to put your head up and look forward,even though it's hard. I've been madly in love with my best friend for a long period of time quite recently and I, too, felt like there would never be another person for me to fall for, but I eventually got over it. It took me a long time and I honestly felt like shit. Heartache isn't something you get through with very fast,but this guy seems simply not to be interested in you, which might not be his fault since one can't really decide who to love, but he was particularly mean in doing so,being cruel towards you.
    Regardless of whether he loves you or not,you don't deserve to be treated like that and should therefore try to get over him. Eventually you will find somebody who deserves your love a lot more and treats you much better as well, I promise.

    Stay strong!
     
    #3 MsKCorleone, Mar 30, 2014
  4. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Hi dude!

    First off: hugs! You seem in need of one.

    Now what you need to realize is that he's just being irrational and stupid. However, you also need to realize that he is straight, that's that. I, myself, have never told any guys I've liked them just to avoid the hurt. I did have a crush on a close friend of mine and it hurt to get over him. It still hurts. Whenever I see him online or on Twitter I have this overwhelming urge to text or message him. But I don't.

    I get it hurts, bud, I really do. But your mindset just has to be: 'He's not into guys.' It may hurt to hear, but he may really been playing the pity card...but I doubt. If you guys were friends for months, he really is only acting like this because he thinks your entire friendship was just you trying to get closer to him and into his pants. A lot of close-minded straight guys feel that way sadly.

    He's treating you like shit, and you deserve better. Go out, make new friends, distance yourself from him. Maybe at some point he will see the error in his ways and try and befriend you again, who knows.

    Just keep your head up dude! We're all always here for ya, remember that!
     
    #4 Chierro, Mar 30, 2014
  5. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    First of all: (*hug*)

    Let me tell you that a year ago I was in the same situation, and I HAVE gotten over my guy now. I know how much pain you're in, and I'm so sorry. You're a strong person, you can do this. It's a good thing that you told him, I think it was the right thing to do. However, how he's reacted so far is not cool.

    I think you need to explain how much it hurts that the friendship changed just because of this rather small thing. Tell him that just because you HAD feelings for him doesn't mean you're going to disrespect his orientation by hitting on him. Tell him you just want to be friends with him, and that it's not fair that he's phobic of you.

    Lots of hugs coming your way from me :slight_smile:
     
    #5 WhiteShadows, Mar 30, 2014
  6. MMF

    MMF
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    Let it go, let it go... Find someone else to fancy, hangout with different people. Get close with a different person. We always fall for the person we get close to.
     
    #6 MMF, Mar 30, 2014
  7. Jeff

    Jeff
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    I feel for you and have been in sort of the same situation. But if you can't keep from touching him, then you need to be completely away from him.

    I can see a bit of touching when it's part of the process of setting up the tent. But you describe it as "resting" your arm. So I think you simply can't be around him and be cool not touching at all.

    But he could be easier to get over once you know he is a not so cool anymore.
     
    #7 Jeff, Mar 30, 2014
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