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My straight best friend ever crisis!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by randomnobody17, Mar 30, 2014.

  1. randomnobody17

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So ive got a little story. (ok well a kinda long story) usually i dont post online or anything but im in a huge crisis and I feel I have no other way to get this all out. So anyways im gay and somewhere around 2 years ago I met this guy (who's straight), will call him jac.Im 22 and hes 21 now. but he happened to be the brother of one of my good friends from high school and he just moved happened to move up here after graduating high school in another state. Can i just say hes also hot as fuck. like a 9.5/10 everyone I know thinks so too as we'll as strangers and probably himself lol. Tall tan muscular, tattoos. I'm a smaller little guy but anyways He instantly took a liking to me and we ended up becoming friends. At first ill be honest I really didn't like him I found him pretty obnoxious, loud and immature amoung other things but he kept making an effort to be my friend even letting me live in the spare bedroom of his parents house for the summer when I got kicked out of mine. Anyway as time went on I found myself getting closer and closer to him and him to me. I realized I was starting to like being around him and such so I started returning the friendship. The next summer after I moved out I ended up coming out to him and he was completely cool about and we became even closer he opened up to me and now we talk deep all the time. We tripped on acid once with just me and him and had one of the best times. Anyways now we hang out ALL the time. And now ive found myself starting to have feelings for him (of course) starting to really think he's really attractive starting to want to always be with him but he always wants to be with me. I tried to push it aside and figured it would subside but they just kept growing and growing and now I can't ignore them I have to do something fast as I've realized I'm becoming utterly destroyed everyday! So now this is where I'm at. Ive been single most of my life and im a usually a strong happily independent guy who prides himself on being able to take care of myself and do what i need and want without anyone else but now somewhere down the line ive ended up here.. i feel stripped of my independence. I no longer have control of my emotions. I become scarily suicidal at times, jealous and just all around such a wreck. I'm just confused as to how I got here and why I feel this way. I know he's straight but we're so close almost just like a couple and everyone knows that we're almost inseparable. We Hardly ever fight and hes soo nice to me. But I feel like just like they say guys and girls can't be friends I'm starting to think straight guys and gay guys can't be best friends. I don't think I should tell him but its gotten so bad that if things aren't going perfect I fall apart to the point I can't fucking function with my normal life. I feel like i have to see him everyday or I'm going to be replaced with someone else ( he has a few other good friends I can't stand to see him with) so bad that literally I start almost panicking when he's with them and not me! i know it's a good true deep friendship very few people get to experience and that a lot of my issues are me but its driving me away and it's driving me literally crazy. One of my biggest fear is loosing him which I dont think he'd let happen but we could easily loose what we have now for some dull meaningless aquaintence shit. I still want so much to be friends with him. We're suppose to go on a long road trip next month. But it's ridiculous how have I let this take over my life?! I used to love to create music and read and draw but I can't even do that anymore. He takes up every thought I have. So much my work performance has started to slip miserably cause I can't concentrate and I waste all my time just trying to be with him a lot. And he's always down. He always tells me that he loves me and that I'm the best friend he's ever had and that I don't need to get it twisted. But anyways if someone could give me a little insight that would be so much appreciated I'm just tired of suffering alone and I have no idea what to do so that I can be in a better happier healthier place!
     
    #1 randomnobody17, Mar 30, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2014