So I met my friend last year, (My junior year) of highs school, but we hadn't really gotten close until this year. Now we rarely ever go a day without seeing one another and when we don't see each other we're texting or snapchatting. We're both dudes and I'm bisexual. A friend of mine had told me that last year he came out to her, but he had since then denied it, so I didn't put any merit into that. I'm cool with him and all but he acts kinda strange around me and to me in a way which I don't understand and I don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions but, well, here. Sorry if it sounds ranty but... yea. 1. He's one of those high-five everyone for anything and everything, touchy fun guys. But he avoids every directly touching me like the plague. He never high fives me or shakes my hand or anythink of that sort, but he does for everyone else. But he's super touchy when it's not direct like, his hands and knees feet tend to brush up against me or just be on me subtly or "accidentally" very often and most of the time I just act like i don't notice. 2. Whenever we snapchat, he takes pictures of either objects around him, or covers the camera with his finger. I assumed at first he was either busy, at work or at a movie and that I just kept catching him at the wrong time. But when I asked he just said that he hates selfies and pictures of himself and thinks that he looks ugly specifically in selfies and that's why he covers the camera whenever he snaps somebody. I believed him but I found out from multiple sources when I repeated it laughingly that it is completely untrue. In all reality, I am the only person who he does this to. He snapchats me a ton, but very, very rarely will he ever send me a picture of his face, I asked again and he said the same excuse, saying he looks ugly and doesn't want to send those to people. 3. He treats me very oddly in general. Well, not odd, but different from everybody else. For example, he is very more subdued around people, but when I'm around he laughs a ton and cracks so many jokes and he does like, really stupid things sometimes. I assumed he always acted like that but i figured it's more around me than anyone. And the weirdest thing, he always looks at me whenever he either cracks a joke or does something stupid to make the class laugh or someone else makes the class laugh or cracks a joke, like he's checking if its okay. And its only me. I mean, once or twice I didn't laugh at his joke or look at him when he looked at me and he gets into an incredibly poor mood when i did. I mean he tried again, and when i again ignored him he got really quiet and kinda pouted the rest of the hour. Both times. 4. Speaking of always looking at me, he's always looking at me. Like, I see him out of the corner of my eye and stuff and he's always either looking directly at me or in my direction. A friend of mine noted once during our Family Education class that he literally stared at me the whole class multiple times and laughed whenever I did anything even remotely funny, (though I didn't notice because I sat in front of him). And more and more he'll just look over at me whenever he does or says anything for a reaction, or we'll lock eyes and he'll flash his eyebrows or shrug or whatever and I'll wonder what the reason was. 5. He seems to act really nervous around me when we're alone. And even so he seems to avoid be alone with me again, like the plague. Whenever we hang out its pretty much accepted that there has to be another person there. Not that that's a problem per-say, its just that he doesn't mind being alone with others, but, for example when I gave him a ride home the other day; he kept his eyes straight forward and didn't stop talking till i got to his house. He sat very stiff and beat a hasty retreat as soon as we got there. But when we're with other people its all of the aforementioned numbers. Alone, he gets all nervous. 6. He'll do weird things (continued). Like whenever I leave or something, he legitimately gets bummed out, and it's very easy to see. Like when I say I have to go, he gets quiet and even mad it seems. And he's always doing weird sexual things to his object like licking his Popsicle seductively to make a joke, and then his eyes always flash towards me to make sure I'm watching it seems. And he tells me pretty much everything about his life and family... which isn't weird. i guess. And he gets really defensive whenever anyone talks bad about me and is even a but possessive at times like when I don't talk to him or am talking to someone else. One day he got to school late and ignored me the whole day and talked to others around me like he was mad at me. As soon as I said anything to him he immediately brightened up and smiled and got all happy. I was annoyed. He swears at everyone and calls them names, except me. Someone pointed that out to him and he just shrugged and didn't have an excuse. And he always hangs out with me and tries to make me laugh. There's other stuff I can say, but I think I've already outworn my welcome possibly. I just want answers. Can you tell me what's going on? Why he only does this stuff to and for me? Thanks, -Isisah
Honestly, it sounds like he likes you, maybe even more than a friend. He's a socialite with everyone else, but he gets incredibly nervous around you when you're alone; I think he likes you. Is there any possibility that you can talk to him about this? You don't need to ask him if he likes you, but just ask him if you can ask him something personal, and then ask him why he seems so nervous when you're alone together. Honestly, I don't know if he'd even give you a straight answer in that situation, but it's worth a try. You could try to make him feel more comfortable by following that question up immediately with like, "I'm not mad or worried or anything, I'm just wondering. It seems that way to me." If that goes well, maybe even bring up what your friend told you about him coming out to them? Is this a guy that you just want to be friends with, or are you interested in something more?
I guess I'm interested, but I'm afraid to say anything because he seems to get really uncomfortable whenever anyone mentions the way that he treats me. I don't think he necessarily wants to be confronted about it. I'm not sure what exactly there is to do, although confronting him would be my first choice. Just not sure how to go about that.
I think that two people at the age are not going to be able to navigate this dysfunction so well if they tried to be upfront while in school. The best hope for this is after the year ends, and this friend has to work harder to get close, and make it work on a deeper level. Play a little hard to get if you know that they are crushing.
If you do want your relationship to progress a bit, then you should definitely talk to him. I don't really see a realistic way around that. I somewhat agree with what Jeff is saying - Don't try to handle this at school. Ask him when you're not at school, when you're not in danger of being interrupted, and when you're at least somewhat alone. In-school relationships typically don't work too well, so make time out of school to talk to him about it. Honestly, the way I'd handle it is to just ask him when you're hanging out. There's not really a right time for something like this, so just preface it well. "Hey, I don't mean to get up in your business, but I had a personal question that I want to ask you. Mind if I ask?" and then ask. That's how I'd handle it. I think that is a reasonable, respectful way to go about it. It's not being blunt, nor is it being inconsiderate of his feelings. If he freaks out/doesn't answer you, then really - do you want a relationship with a guy that's too scared to talk about anything?
See, that seems like the obvious thing to do now that you say it. But as I said we are never alone if he can help it. I mean, there were a few times we were but that was at his house and he has too many relatives to get a word in edge wise about stuff like this. (his family is very religious). I can offer him a ride home again after practice, but when I do, I wouldn't know what to say "Not to get into your private business, but can I ask you a personal question? Do you fancy me and wish to be my lover?" See... Awkward as all-get-out. I'm hesitant because I don't know what to say, and he's one of those guys who would rather open up voluntarily as opposed to being questioned. I'm afraid he'll close up completely if I ask the wrong thing at the wrong time? So should I just make him feel comfortable to say what he needs to? There have been a few times the conversation got close to the subject, but it was always interrupted or otherwise ended. Or do I need to come out and say it. If I do, I don't know what to. Thanks. -Isiah
I agree with TJ You can just ask him about why he behaves like that... and tell him you're just curious. Perhaps you could try to invite him to do something with you outside of school? If he DOES like you, I can't imagine him refusing (even if he is really nervous)
Ask him out, noting that it will be ONLY you two, if he refuses try finding out why he never hangs out with by asking him hahaha. He's definitely into you, maybe he doesn't know it yet? flirt a bit with him, see what happens Good luck! Keep us updated
Don't flat out ask him if he fancies you. That'll probably creep him out. Whenever I've had any deep conversations with someone, they've always started it off with just a simple, yet probing question. If he wants to talk to you, he'll see that as an opportunity and maybe open up to you. Like others have suggested, just ask him if he wants to hang out, or if you're giving him a ride home that'd work too.
I think your friend needs to grow up a little before anything can happen. If you're driving him home ask if he wants to stop somewhere for a drink or snack and then you'll have some time alone to talk.
So today was weird again. Like, it was almost as if he read my first post concerning what he does and the way he acts towards me, and he decided to go full throttle and more. He was late today to get to school, and I didn’t know he was coming at all. I sat in his chair in class as opposed to sitting in mine. He came, and as opposed to getting mad at me like he has in the past with other people who sat in his seat, he just sat down in my seat and smiled. It was weird because he kept looking over at me more than usual. That was the trend more and more today, catching him staring and awkward kind of eye locking just at random times and he always smiles when he sees me. And he’s been getting all close to me as of late, to the point where our bodies are right up against each other’s multiple times, and always touching my hands with his and feet with his and knees and stuff. Now this is all fine and dandy except he still refuses to touch me in a “deliberate” way like a high five or fist bump, but all of the “accidental” touching which has gotten more frequent and close is perfectly fine I guess. I want to talk to him about it, but again, he’s touchy about that sort of stuff. I don’t want to ask him to hang out alone because you know, it sounds like “Hey, wanna hang out?” “Sure, where?” “A Movie or something?” “Sure, who’s all going?” “Just me and you… So we can probe your innermost secrets and then make sweet love.” “Oh, okay.” Now I know that’s silly but that’s how I feel I’m gonna have to say it, it’s gonna freak him out if I ask to hang out alone with him. Can you give me suggestions on how to ask him without it sounding like I’m asking him out? Or any advice in general would be wonderful as well. Yea, I guess we need to grow up, but I just don’t know. Sorry if I seem dense.
Glad to see you've got a good sense of humor. Well, the way I see it, almost any way of asking him to be with you will seem sort of like asking him out. If you're really wanting to avoid that, then you could just wait for the opportunity to present itself. He might need a ride home sometime, or he might end up alone with you. I'm not super creative with this type of thing, so maybe someone else has something to offer.
I just invite friends to come have dinner with my family and sleep over. That way it sounds at least like my family will be there to talk to them.... and you get time alone later.
Okay, so I'm pretty convinced by the way he's been acting that I do actually need to ask him to hang out so I can talk to him about it. He's seriously been doing more and more of what I mentioned earlier and it's sort've uncanny. For example, I started blushing today when I caught him looking at me, and he just smiled real big and looked away real quick, only to have me catch him looking at me again two seconds later. It was cute, but a bit unnerving if I'll admit it. He even to the point where I'm almost convinced that he's going to actually make a move pretty soon on some level because, well, he would kind of have to. I'm thinking that I'll offer to be his ride next week (We're in a musical together and we have our tech next week so it will be a later commute) and I'll try to overcome the awkwardness of us being alone and just talk to him about it. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Or maybe just tomorrow, because, well, it's earlier. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to say, but practicing conversations only leads me to assume the worst and end up making a fool out of myself. I'm just afraid because every time I talk to him I kinda get all fuzzy in the mind and cant remember what I was going to say. Like, I cant focus when I'm around him. Unless it's on him. I know that's true for him because he literally had to move seats in some classes away from me to sit next to one of his girl-friends just so he could focus because his grades were slipping. This is why I'm afraid that if I try to talk to him about something serious, then we'll both forget what we were talking about and rabbit trail about random or personal stuff and forget what we were talking about. I just want to understand. It's frustrating beyond compare, situations like these. Ugh, sorry if it sounds like I'm just complaining. I'm actually very thankful for all of the support.
What if... now hear me out... but what if... no really, it's worth hearing me out... he acts weird because of the exact opposite reason people have said. Like, what if he just doesen't like me or trust me and that's why he's always keeping his eyes on me. What if he doesen't snapchat me faces not because he thinks he looks ugly (only to me) as he said, but because he thinks I have a thing for him and he doesen't wanna give me anything to look at. What if he doesen't ever "deliberately" touch me or allow me to give him things or borrow him things not because (as my teacher told me) because he doesen't wanna give me the impression that he can't take care of himself or doesen't want me to resent him (although he'll literally borrow money and accept gifts from EVERYONE ELSE), but because he doesen't want me to have any power over him? Like, what if he treats me differently because he's super homophobic or like, just doesen't like me? That's what I've pretty much been mulling over the last few hours and it's really bumming me out. I mean, you've got to admit, it's plausible. I shall now go and punch a mirror.
All I see in that post is a bunch of hypothetical situations. I don't know the answer to those questions anymore than you do. It's best not to overthink these things. If you do, your mind can come up with some pretty annoying ideas.
So, as the French would say, the plot, she thickens, (or something like that). I'm sort be stuck between a rock and a hard place because I just discovered that I'm in the middle of this whole thing. Lemme explain: So the guy I've been talking about is good friends with this chick, she really likes him, and he doesen't seem super interested, although he claimed to have liked her a little. Anyways, this is part of the reason I was so confused because he doesn't really seem to like her, even if they spend a lot of time together (she's a family friend of his). Part of the behavior that made me question him so much is the fact that he's really cool to her when they're alone or with other people, but as soon as I'm around he acts all distant from her and talks to me instead, almost ignoring her completely. Also he's very clear about letting me know that they're not together and just weird stuff like that. That made me question what's up with that. I mean, she's super pretty. Why would it matter if you were into her or dating her. Id hear all these people talk about how much they like each other and were into each other and stuff but whenever I saw them he was acting like he didn't care about her and instead would come over and chat me up ignoring her. This on top of everything I mentioned in my first post is, confusing. But here's the, as the French say, kicker; a very good source, two actually, revealed to me the nature of it all. I'm not exactly sure how to put this in terms that are understandable but I'll give it my best shot. He does, in fact, have feelings for me. The thing is though. He comes from a very religious family that looks down in homosexuality with great zeal. This is why he doesen't want to act on or say anything about his feelings, even if he is, or has homosexual tendencies or feelings for me. Also , the chick he's "with" is a good friend of his familie's so, for all intents and purposes, she's sortve a beard. I mean, he likes her a bit, and as a friend, but that relationship is going nowhere between the two of them. And she knows that I'm the reason why, and so do the two friends who know about him. Then I found out from them that he's planning to just drop it and come out to me and/or tell me his feelings and/or like, ask me out and/or be with him. Like, I dunno though. Like, it I kinda just want a normal relationship. And I don't wanna be the problem in his friendship with the chick and. I'm just so confused haha. So I dunno. Advice on the situation at all would be welcomed. Please. Thanks so much.
Well, as long as you're certain those sources are trustworthy... It sounds like he's going to make a move soon anyway, but in the meanwhile, open yourself up to him so that he feels more comfortable. Smile as him, pat him on the shoulder, reassure him with positive language, let him know he's a trusted friend and that he can talk to you about anything (if you can drop that line it, you're pretty much set). But if he doesn't make a move after a while, I think you should just make one yourself (ask him to hang out and go from there.) Good luck!
