My boyfriend is suicidal and refuses to get help no matter what I do

Do you think moving out from his parents' house could help him? Does all the money he makes go to school fees? Do you know if moving out is possible?

 

The subject of your posting is that your boyfriend is suicidal, but you actually didn't mention that in what you wrote. You told us that he cut himself, but that's not the same as being suicidal (one doesn't necessarily lead to the other) so I'm just wondering where this has come from? Has your boyfriend actually mentioned suicidal thoughts or feelings, and if so, can you say what he has told you?

When someone is so depressed it is very difficult to stand by and see them live, or exist, in that low place, but you are probably doing a lot more for him than you realise by just being there. You'd be surprised how much of a difference it can make. Even so, you do need to consider your own feelings as you can't soak up all of this stress on your own. It's good to be supportive, but if he refuses to seek help, you can't deal with this alone. Do what you can for him, but do take care of yourself. If it gets too much for you, you may need to draw back a little.

 

Okay, so there are two things here. Self harm (which is a coping mechanism for some people in serious distress) and suicide (which is a desire to end everything, because the pain is too much). Many people who self harm also experience suicidal thoughts and feelings, but they use self harm to take back control. I know that sounds strange, but self harm is actually the lesser of two evils and can reduce the feelings of distress, albeit, in a rather destructive way. It's hard for you, but try to understand that cutting may be helping him to cope right now, without it, he could get back to that much darker place of suicidal ideation. If he has only just started cutting though, it really would be good to seek help and support now, before he gets too caught up in the cycle. It may be possible to find a less destructive way of coping.

From what you tell us, the feelings of stress and depression seem to be intricately connected to his home life and issues at school. It sounds like a lot of situational stress, but there may be deeper underlying problems. If he could find a way to eliminate some of the stress from his situation it may help a lot.

Be supportive but don't expose yourself to very high levels of stress in the process. You can only help him if you remain strong. If it helps to share things with us, keep talking.

Wish you both well.

 

I think if he can move in with you, or at least have that option readily available, he might feel better. I also think he needs professional help. Please, try and convince him to see a psychologist or perhaps a doctor. He might need medication if it's as bad as it sounds.
Tell him to see a professional for YOU, because you love him and you're worried about him.

Other than that, lots of hugs, lots of positive talking, lots of distractions (try to get him out of the house, even with other friends, play sport, watch a film, anything) and lots of love will help him get through this.