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Been out for seven years parents still being ridiculous.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ghostinthelight, Mar 31, 2014.

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  1. Ghostinthelight

    Ghostinthelight
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    I came out when I was 15 as bi and have since corrected this and declared my lesbianism. I have been in a relationship with the most amazing woman ever for two full years and my parents still can't except it. Everyone including my siblings tell me that they will eventually come around but I know they really won't. It's getting really frustrating because they think it's okay to tell me how gross it is all the time but if ever I try to support my point of view they get really pissed. I was home for spring break and my father talked about how sometimes he feels uncomfortable with the family because they make fun of him. I told parents that I understand how he feels because I have to watch what I say around them. My mom was confused as to why I would be uncomfortable because she is comfortable with me, but of course she is because she can say whatever she wants without getting yelled at and I can't.:eusa_naug Why can't she understand how hard it is for me? My aunt and uncle were over one day and my father grabbed my stuffed animal I sleep that my girlfriend gave me and started talking to my uncle about it, but he called her my friend. Also for Easter my cousin's boyfriend for only a month is allowed to come to Easter but my girlfriend isn't. I'm planning on marrying her in a year or so...and I don't know what to do and how to accept the way they feel. I understand them completely they were born in the early fifties and are super catholic the only problem is that understanding or agreeing to disagree isn't a thing on their end and it makes me so angry and uncomfortable. My siblings also don't understand nor stick up for me against my parents no one does. My sister doesn't see it as a real relationship and my brother assures me that it isn't a big deal that they don't support me and to get over it. This is part of why I feel like a ghost.

    Ghost in the light ( I'm a ghost in my family and to most people I don't exist, but I am starting to exist to myself):help::help::help::help:
     
    #1 Ghostinthelight, Mar 31, 2014
  2. Wolf123

    Wolf123
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    Wow! I am very sorry for your circumstances. This is tough because your parents are a bit older. What I can say is I would have the same issue if I came out to my grandma who is super religious. She assumes LGBT people are going to hell. Funny thing is she has no clue she is talking about me too. When it comes to caring for someone it can be very difficult especially if your family doesn't like her. The thing that is most likely true is the fact they don't like (or understand) your relationship with her. It is just a fact of life. Some people will never understand and sometimes you have to pick your lover over what your family believes. My step father and mother had different circumstances of course being that one they are a heterosexual couple, but the issue was my outside family did not approve of their relationship which caused a lot of issues. Through the years I have come to realize that some family members just need to back up and realize that you aren't harming anyone by loving someone of the same sex. You are trying to be happy like everyone else. I can tell you one thing for sure you sound like a strong person by not breaking it off with your partner. You are focused on what you want which I hope I can push myself to do one day especially when it comes to being in a relationship. I can also say at times I feel like I am a ghost to people, especially given many people don't realize I am a lesbian and they use the occasional line "Hey you dating any guy?" " Or hey do you have anyone you like?" I feel like a ghost given that I cannot express when I like someone or find someone attractive. Even at work I will see someone I am attracted to and when I am alone I will talk to myself about it lol. Sounds crazy, but it allows me to speak about it even if it is to myself. Also EC while I am new, has allowed me to express myself about who I like. I hope your family comes around. You are awesome that you came out to many people. I hope in the next year I can do the same.

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    "When the walls are crumbling around you, I am hear to help you up." CM


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    #2 Wolf123, Mar 31, 2014
  3. Ghostinthelight

    Ghostinthelight
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    Thank you so much. It's really refreshing to hear someone else say that they might not come around honestly because everyone else seems so sure that they will and therefore ignores their judgements. But I have a question I kind of stood up to my dad by saying : Yeah "friend" we'll just call her that. But should I have actually said : You mean my girlfriend? Or should I wait until after I graduate college and can pay for my own life?
     
    #3 Ghostinthelight, Mar 31, 2014
  4. mbanema

    mbanema
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    Well, it sounds like your parents at least think they're being accepting which I suppose is something. It could definitely be a lot worse, but if it's been seven years I don't think the odds are great that you'll see any major evolution on the way they approach you and your relationship. With that said, if such a change is to occur I think it will be a result of your marriage (or engagement announcement) as that might finally make it sink in that you're really not straight and this is not something they can wish away.

    It definitely sucks that you're not able to have the kind of relationship with your family that you want, but try not to let that get you down too much -- it's their loss as much as it is yours, maybe even more so. You've found somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, someone you can serve as a pillar of support and provide the only opinion that truly matters to you. Continue giving your parents the opportunity to come around and play a bigger role in your life, but don't dwell on it. Try to be the happiest person you can be with your girlfriend and hopefully in time your parents will want to share in that joy. If not, they'll only be hurting themselves.
     
    #4 mbanema, Mar 31, 2014
  5. Wolf123

    Wolf123
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    I agree with the previous poster!

    _________________________________________________________________________

    "When the walls are crumbling around you, I am here to help you up." CM
     
    #5 Wolf123, Mar 31, 2014
  6. sldanlm

    sldanlm
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    Sorry that you're family isn't accepting. I know how you feel. I came out 5 yrs ago, and parents still aren't accepting. There's been a little progress (I'm no longer disowned) but I don't hold out any hope of any major changes in their opinions of gays and lesbians. They're not catholic but being gay is just as much a sin in their church as in the catholic church. I think it's going to take the first generation that lives through a universal gay marriage and gay rights before the majority of people realize that the world isn't going to come to an end. (*hug*)
     
    #6 sldanlm, Mar 31, 2014
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