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It took me a while... but I figured it out.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kael, Mar 31, 2014.

  1. Kael

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    I'm starting this new thread. I'd just like to start over again because a lot has happened.

    Even though so much has happened, this will probably not be such a long post.

    Okay... I'll try to go in order... but it may be a little... jumbled.

    So... about five days ago, I started questioning why I grew so attached to the people I "fell in love with". I put that in quotation marks, because I do not fully believe I fell for them.

    I have a... theory of sorts. (Whiteshadows helped me with it... So a million thanks to him!)

    I will just lay it out here. This is what I figured out on Friday afternoon:

    I have a hole... A metaphorical one at that. This "hole" is caused by the absence of a proper father or family structure. It sounds really bitchy of me... But I believe it's true.
    The "hole" exists within the recesses of my mind, stored away in my subconscious.
    And this is the part about "loving" these people.
    I believe that I latch onto the closest person to me, in an effort to... fill the hole. I become attached; trying to get this person to be the one to compensate for the "hole". (There has only been three people that I found... close enough. Which was a girl back in Year 8 & 9, Jacob and Owen)

    Now, what I did that afternoon, was I sat down and thought things through. I had... an epiphany of sorts. XD

    I realised I just have to be patient... and stop pretending to "love" these people. For their sake and mine. I need to wait for the person that WANTS to fill the "hole". Sure... I'll still get into relationships and stuff... but I won't let it control me so much. I'll make sure they want something serious before I become... "attached". :3

    Before you start saying that it is "wrong" or... I dunno...

    I have thought about it. I know what is going on now. Don't worry... I'm not blinded by some false truth or anything like that... This IS what I want. This IS something I realised. It just took a while.

    Anyways... moving on with the story.

    I'll keep this part brief, even though there is a quite a bit to it.

    I told Owen about the feelings I HAD for him after my realisation. I really just want to be friends with him, but I had to get it off my chest and tell him. It only seemed fair on the both of us.

    So, I told him. He was fine with it. He said he felt strange, because that it had never happened to him before. Which is a natural feeling, really.
    He said I am still his best and most trusted friend, and he respects and accepts me for who I am. He said he could never hate me, because I'm me.

    I'm happy with that response. It is what I wanted. I just want to be his friend. His best friend. That is all.

    Anyways... THEN.

    I told Jacob that I had like him for quite a while last year. I dunno... I just needed to tell him.

    He was fine with it as well. Completely fine. He just wanted to know if we were still friends. HE was asking ME that. I thought it was the other way around? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    I said "Yes! Of course!".
    "Good. I'm glad we're still friends. It would be bad if we weren't." He replied.

    But yeah... I AM VERY HAPPY AT THE MOMENT. :grin: (!)

    I have realised I don't need to focus on one person to fill the "hole"... I have heaps of friends around me that do the job just fine.

    And I have you guys!! <3 <3 <3

    Anyways...

    I saw Owen at school yesterday and stuffs... it was good. We had fun. Which was good. It shows he still wants to be friends.

    SO. I am rambling on.

    I am very happy with my life at the moment. I will make sure to update you guys if anything happens, or if I just wanna talk to you all. XD

    If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I did type this up quite late... so I may have missed a few things... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    See you all later!

    Byyee!!

    Kael~
     
    #1 Kael, Mar 31, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2014
  2. Ghostinthelight

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    (!)I am super happy for you. The opposite happened to me. What happened to you was my dream for myself but I am really happy to see that so many people get good reactions from their friends and the people they love. It restores my faith in humanity slowly.(*hug*)
     
  3. WhiteShadows

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    Hey Kael,
    I'm very proud of you for going through this process of recognition :slight_smile:
    It's great that you feel you understand your feelings better now, and that you can live your life with an understanding of what you want out of things, and why you feel a certain way. Although, don't freak out if at some point down the track, you run into something new and have to revisit this process of figuring things out; things can happen with time :slight_smile: You're going to do great. Please keep us updated, even if it's just about little things your doing, we'd love to hear about it.
     
  4. Littlehawk98

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    I'm so happy for you Kael-senpai. :slight_smile: I really hope your life continues to get even better. It's a really good thing that you've figured things out.

    I look at your post and think, "Maybe I can learn something from this... I seem to do similar things." And it's true. I probably need to learn a thing or two from you. I attach to people pretty quickly too. That's probably what got me in trouble with a friend...

    As I said before, I hope things continue to get even better for you Kael-senpai!

    Jya ne!

    -Taka-chan :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
  5. Kael

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    Hello... *yawn* peoples...

    So tired... I should probably go to bed soon.

    But I just wanted to update you all and stuff. Since you're probably all worried sick about me. :wink:

    Nothing much has happened. I'm still going about my daily life. It's the holidays here, so work has been giving me hell and relying on me because the other juniors are lazy. XD

    I two assignments due in about a month. I should really get started on them.
    One is an essay for Ancient History and the other is a project for Earth Science... yay.

    I'll probably do them at the last minute. XD Seeing as how I am excellent at procrastination.

    Anyways... that's general life at the moment. Lazing around the house and talking to people on Facebook or working my ass off in the delicatessen.

    But... If you want to know some specifics I guess I'll tell you. :3

    Owen and I had a bit of a... talk at two o'clock in the morning the other day. He was really upset. I think he is going through a state of depression. So... He poured his heart out to me and I sat there and took it all in... I tried my best to help him afterwards. I don't know if I did a good job or not. :frowning2:

    So... I'm worried about him. I just hope he doesn't do anything drastic.

    But there's nothing I can do about it until I see him or talk to him again. So I just have to wait and give him some room.

    Anyways... that's my life really... at the moment. I'll try to keep you all updated. But... until school starts again... nothing interesting happens. XD

    Anyways... See you later!! <3

    @ Whiteshadows: Thanks Christopher. XD
    I'm sure I will probably have to go back and revisit it... but hopefully not sometime too soon. But I also have people like you that I can rely on, yeah? So thanks! <3

    @Littlehawk: Thanks, Taka-chan!! I hope my experience did help you out a little. I really hope things go well with this friend of yours. Oh, and by the way... you can call me by my real name in Japanese if you want. It's a lot easier. It's just Kairu-san. Or whatever honorific you want. XD
    I'll talk to you later, Taka-chan! <3
     
  6. resu

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    I'm proud of you for telling your feelings to your friends. It takes a lot of courage.

    I think you probably did fine just listening to Owen.
     
  7. blueskies

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    I'm so proud of you! Doing what you did takes some serious courage! :grin:
     
  8. dapulu

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    So nice! :slight_smile: That's excellent Kael. Stay happy :grin:

    Thank you for updating and best of wishes :slight_smile:
     
  9. Kael

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    Hey guys.

    I know... It's been a long time. A very long time. And I really hate myself for it. I need to stop going on these absences. I have just been REALLY busy lately. XD

    I'll update you all on recent events that are relevant. Unless you wanna hear about all the little trivial things that happen in my life... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyways... I'm back. :grin:

    Let's begin.

    In the time of my absence, quite a few things have happened. Some really big... others on the mediocre side of things. I'll try to start it from the start... but me being me... I type these posts up at quite late at night and post them in the morning... It's the only time I have to do anything... late at night.

    Anyways. I better get on with it.

    Life at home is going pretty well. It has it's ups and downs, but that's to be expected in a big family. Mother is almost fully recovered from breaking her leg. She is now walking, but still needs to take special medication for her blood. OH! And (this may be cutting into the sequence) I decided I wanted to start horse riding about two days ago. So yeah... I'm learning how to ride horses. And mother is teaching me. (Background info: I live in a sort of half rural/half city sort of place. It's good because they balance out quite nicely. I live in the rural part of the area and we own a few horses. XD)

    School is going... alright. It can get pretty stressful at times, with exams coming up and whatnot. I gotta study for that...
    And I managed to crank out a whole essay in about an hour and a half last night. So yeah... I hope it isn't too shitty.

    Now... this is where my life starts getting a bit... interesting.

    Friends... I don't know what I'd do without them. But sometimes... I feel they'd know what to do without me. And it gets me really down, because I just feel that my friends don't care. It's probably just my brain being paranoid and retarded... but I can't escape the feeling of... well... loneliness.

    Especially when it comes to Owen. Because we used to be so close... and now it feels like we are so far apart.
    In person... sure... we talk and muck around and have fun...
    But online I'm completely ignored.
    And I think it's got something to do with that night when he fully opened up to me and told me everything. The night where he was... depressed.
    I think... He is afraid I might try and bring it up or something... and he doesn't want to discuss it...?
    But... yeah... I just feel like him ignoring me online is a slippery slope to not being such good friends anymore.

    Another thing about Owen, is his girlfriend, "Chloe".

    Now, this is from a completely platonic point of view, I swear.

    You know when you see those couples and you just wish they would... give each other a little space... or get off each other?
    Just couples that are so infatuated with each other they ignore everything else except their other?

    Yeah. Owen and Chloe are one of those couples. And it makes me sick.

    I DO have a reason for it though. I'm not just some love-hating asshole that doesn't want anyone to be happy. XD

    My older brother was in the same situation with his girlfriend. He still is. But what started happening, was that he just started doing whatever his girlfriend said. He would always be with her. She would always follow him around. It's like they are each other luggage.
    Anyways...

    He has no friends anymore. None of his friends from high school like my brother anymore because he completely ignored them for his girlfriend. He was completely whipped. (not sure if you guys are familiar with the term)

    And I'm afraid of that happening to Owen.

    And on top of that, I still don't believe in a relationship where you cannot be comfortable around your partner. It seems really stupid if you can't be open with eachother. And I really do believe you should be able to spend at least a whole day away from them without having a complete sulk-attack.

    And I also believe that when people look at you and your partner, they should think, "Oh, they're just like best friends, but better." Not, "Oh, they're all over eachother, they seem like a cute couple."

    NO. ARRRGHH.

    sorry guys... it just makes me really angry... because I've seen my brother go through it and it's horrible. And I hate it when people act for other people...

    It just makes me very irate. I'm sorry if this conflicts with anyone's views or anything...

    Anyways... yeah... I think that's about it really.

    I'm really sore and tired from horse riding. XD

    Again, sorry for the late reply, and sorry if I haven't written this out properly or left out some things. Feel free to shoot me some questions in any form; reply, wall post or PM. :wink:

    I'll see you guys later!! Thank you all for your support. It really means so much. <3

    Bye!!!

    Kael~
     
  10. IcelandLover

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    The same thing happens to me, I grow exorbitantly attached to some people, to the point of it beinf painful.
     
  11. Hyaline

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    Some people tend to put their S.O. ahead of their friends while dating. It is often because they are the most important person in their life at the time and their attention is often focused solely on them. Try not to make it about you. Odds are, it probably isn't and he is simply being an attentive BF. There is a balance there and you are in that age group where people learn what works for them. Give him time and space, be supportive and be there if he needs you.

    I can't speak on why he is ignoring you online, you might be right that he doesn't want to bring it up again. But you could ask him IRL "are you ok? I am just a bit worried about you". I say IRL because his body language will probably tell you more than his words will. Then you'll have a better handle on it.