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Homophobic Parents. Possible Girlfriend.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Friendly Lion, Apr 2, 2014.

  1. Friendly Lion

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    So... as you can probably tell from the title, I still live at home and my parents are extremely homophobic. I haven't come out to them because it doesn't exactly seem like the smart thing to do... They come from really conservative homes and freaked out when I even tried to mention that I supported homosexual couples.

    I was born female but am now genderqueer (possibly trans?) but I play it off like I'm just a tomboy and that works for me. Sometimes my mom will get pissed at me for trying to wear my older brother's clothes but, other than that, being gender queer has worked for me. My parents assume that I'm hetero and just a little bit boyish.

    Now, I've been having a lot of family problems lately- parents fighting, sister smoking, brother being a total jerk... stuff like that. Our family just hasn't gotten along. I really just needed a friend. So, I started hanging out more with Alex, this girl that I knew. We've been friends for ages but more so recently. I've been hanging out at her house, going out to eat with her, working on fixing her car (I'm kind of a mechanic on my days off). Basically, I don't know what I'd do without her. I started to like her... a lot. Like... I could imagine a life with her. Then, she came out to me as pansexual which, to be honest, didn't really shock me. We've been talking about possibly being together sharing an appartment when I finish school- which sounds like perfection to me.

    Now, things might end up happening between us but my parents have started to "suspect she's not straight" and they think that she might be a bad influence or whatever because she's queer. They're super over protective when I try to hang out with her because they don't want me to be like her... but I am. I'm panromantic and their words really hurt. It's not like I can tell them that though! Ugh... I just really want to be with Alex and for my parents to stop freaking out. Help?
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    Alright, this is just an initial idea, so if you or another EC user says it's a bad idea, we'll nix it.

    I'll preface this with: 99% of the time, I am an advocate for hardcore honesty. Honesty all the way.

    However, in your situation where you are completely dependent on your parents, is it a possibility that you can just lie to them about Alex? Can you say she's straight, or has a boyfriend?
    What makes them suspect that she's not straight? Is it obvious?

    Like I said - Someone else might disagree with dishonesty, but in my opinion, you're in a situation where you can't just sit back and ignore your parents; they're actively interfering with your friendship and you need some defense.
    If they weren't actively worried about this, I'd just say you should wait it out until you're not as dependent on them, but that's not the case.

    Eager to hear your and other EC user feedback. It's not often that I suggest someone be dishonest to remedy an issue. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. Friendly Lion

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    Having my parents think she's straight could work... as I kind of mentioned, I wasn't really shocked when she told me she was pansexual because she doesn't really feel the need to hide it. With her personality the way it is, you can kind of tell but she can when she wants to. If that's the only way we can spend time together, it'd be worth it, but it just kind of sucks that my parents can't be supportive of what we have :/
     
  4. TJ

    TJ
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    Aye, it definitely sucks.
    Very sorry that they aren't more supportive. :/ I feel for anybody in your situation.
     
  5. confusedandi

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    I was in your situation where I wanted my parents to be supportive of me so badly that, even though I knew they wouldn't, I told them anyway. It was a horrible mistake and I wish I would have waited until I moved out to tell them. Just keep in mind that you you think your parents will react is most likely what will happen.