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parties with straight friends (how to react to their desperate need to hook up)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by kaypulu, Apr 6, 2014.

  1. kaypulu

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    A weird title, I know.

    To cut the following story short: I'm not 100% straight, but my friends definitely are, and I feel really left out when they are trying to get groped by guys and I'm trying to keep up with their guy-centered discussion while being in the closet.

    So, this week I went on a cruise with my friends. All they could talk about was guys. "Oh I see some hot sporty guys over there" "Better wear this so guys will offer me drinks" "those guys who groped me were so gross, but I loved it" "someone just straight forward asked me to fuck him? isn't that funny" "what's up with you, we'll find you some hot dude!".

    In a way I believe that everyone can love anyone, that even when it comes to me it's not written in stone that I couldn't flirt with guys... But I just can't get to the same level with my friends. I see no glory in sleazy guys trying to grope me or hit on me or buy me drinks - and it's pushing me away from them.

    Am I overreacting? Should I just go with them and be sleazy and enjoy whatever attention I might be getting? Is there something wrong with me because I can't enjoy their jokes about how many guys made a move on them? What really hurts me is that I feel like I'm not that person, I'm not like them, but they don't know why and if I were to tell I can just imagine how they'd react. And then again, I may be bitchy and blunt... but I enjoy a good time, so should I just blatantly lead guys on and go with it. In the end, who knows if that turned out to be fun...

    I'm clearly lacking some disposition that all the other girls my age seem to be born with, but why? Is this normal or should all finally-of-legal-drinking-age be impressed with the attention that we can get so easily, before we turn old and wrinkly and regret being "such prudes" when we "had it"?
     
  2. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

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    I've got the same problem. They all are talking bout guys and stuff. I don't wanna talk bout this and it's bothering me. So I don't. I do what makes me feel good and that does not make me happy. You should what you wanna do.
    You don't have to do the same things like your friends.
    I gave this up a few months ago cause I realised 'it's not good for to force myself to something I don't like'.
    Hope I kinda helped:slight_smile:
     
  3. kaypulu

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    thanks CharlsOn for your support. I guess I'll try slowly to be more passive about their discussion and ignore it. Or just find other people to go out with :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  4. Sotv

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    I was in the same situation but reversed. My solution was to use a destructive heterosexual relationship my friends witnessed me have as a "get out of jail free card". It worked for a year then they stopped asking although did continue to get me to dance with girls on nights out when they were drunk enough to push me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    I know lying is dishonest but if it's the way forward for you until your ready then it's not so b
     
  5. Butterfly72

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    I think I am a proud as I have always hated being hit on. I think its rude if a complete stranger comes up to me and wants to Ummmmm sorry you said it first "fuck". Hate it! so I avoid it. Or I act as a complete dragon and snarl at them.
     
  6. kaypulu

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    It's weird, trying to figure out whether to lie to your friends and go on with them, or lie to yourself and find yourself in a heterosexual relationship. This really sounds like something I would do.

    But thank you for sharing. What I really need is someone to tell me that sometimes it's okay to fake something. I'm really caught up on being real, but in the end if it's truth and my emotional health on the line, I guess lying isn't that bad.

    I guess I'll just stick to home parties and avoid the bar scene for a while, before I can handle another round of heteronormative club mingling :-D

    Butterfly72: yeah I definitely have the dragon-gene too. I can handle strangers fine if they're being jerks. Is just my friends who look up to guys like that that I find so ugh nasty.
     
  7. Wolf123

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    This is the issue I am having right now. I am not out to friends so when they ask me if I want to go out I get nervous because one they will likely talk about guys which I have no interest in and two one of my friends likes to dance with other girls so....ummmm I am lost because if I try dancing with her well yeah and she is in a relationship so not going to try that. Also, I think one friend has an idea and I assume if I go out with them they will see I like girls lol. I think the thing is I don't really make it noticeable when I like someone. I am already an observant person so no one really questions that. Overall, I fear that if people hang out with me more often out and about they will soon know my secret.

    I think what sucks for me is I can't blurt out that I find a girl attractive as opposed to the many others who can-it sucks.

    Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
     
  8. myrtle33

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    Yeah you're definitely not alone. Just yesterday, my neighbor suggested I talk to a guy in the neighborhood. :/ I wasn't really sure what to say...I'm not out to her so I had to just kinda change the subject.

    (I'm technically bisexual but definitely lesbian leaning...it would take a pretty special guy for me to want to be in a relationship with him. This guy in particular...no interest at all.)
     
  9. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I understand how you feel. I also don't think It's a heterosexuality issue. I'm out to everyone about how much I love women, but even if friends were trying to get me to hook up with girls at a party; I'd still feel disgusted. I guess I'm a bit prudish in general; I would only kiss/grope people I was in love with/committed to.

    This party behavior makes me uncomfortable in general, regardless of the sexuality/genders involved.

    I'm sorry that you risk being outed/having to defend yourself though.