I am 23 years old and feel as though people treat me like a child sometimes. I have issues like my counselor said because of my childhood I still have PTSD issues as well as social anxiety- which is true. I have a difficult time letting people in. When I do let people in it is only to a certain point-meaning I know I still have a wall up with certain people. Some people will invite me places and at times I say I cannot, but when I say I can something comes up so it never happens- this is with only some people though, not all. For example, today I mentioned how a family member and I went out to see a big band. One of the people I know freaked out and asked me why I didn't invite her. I quickly said that she never invited me anywhere so I felt like I didn't need to or that she would likely not be interested. She rambled on saying that she had invited me prior and I always said no due to me hating bars. I tried to remember back and yes she did invite me somewhere and I said yes, but then when the day came around she never mentioned it again. What I am getting at is why do people say I always say no. Some people I have an easy time getting together with, but I think the issue with this person is I know if I start to hang out with her I will get feelings for her. I have feelings for her right now (a bit) and I believe that if I do try and start hanging out with her more the feelings would get worse. In addition, I am afraid that she would figure out my sexuality since well she would either ask or figure it out after awhile knowing me. Also, it doesn't help that I don't know if I can trust her in not telling everyone. I know nothing would come out of the friendship since one she is already in a relationship and two I pretty much sabotage relationships that become too personal. Believe me I am working on this part of me, but I feel if I even attempt to hang out with her I would no longer have her in my life since she would grow tired of me and well I will become emotionally distant. Overall, I feel like a child because people use the oh you don't like bars and you don't drink so I don't ask. I also feel at times with some people that I feel the relationship would be one sided meaning in that girls case, I am the one initiating conversations on the phone. I am just lost and I don't know what to do. I don't want to just get all defensive with her, but I also don't like it so....I also find this person different because I have some friends from school who we initiate back and forth with one another and we invite each other places which I feel is healthy. I feel if I befriend this person then all hell will just get lose. What are your thoughts on this?
If you want to be her friend, then befriend her. You can't go through life worrying about what if's, and you don't want to live life full of regrets. Even if she's already in a relationship, that doesn't mean that you two still can't become really good friends. I think that the main problem you're having, is that you are too worried about what people will think of you, when you shouldn't care. There is no point in putting up a front just to get someone to be friends with you. If they don't like you or feel uncomfortable around you because of who you are, then they aren't worth your time, and those aren't the type of friends you need or deserve.
You are right. I need to become more accepting and allow this person into my life. Thank you for your response.
