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Uneasy around male friends, plus social anxiety

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TWDfangirl, Apr 8, 2014.

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  1. TWDfangirl

    TWDfangirl
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    So since this is my first post on this site (or any similar site) I'm not really sure how to go about this but here's the situation;
    - I am gay. (I've never really been in a relationship, but boys have asked me out in the past and they just freaked me out so much I never wanna go anywhere near the straight side of things again xD)
    - Nobody else knows this, and due to me never showing any interest in guys most of my friends are assuming I'm asexual, when in fact I just don't know anyone who I'd ever even consider going out with.
    - The friends (the male ones that is) who don't assume I'm asexual have a tendency to get crushes on me. (God knows why, I'm more boyish than they are! - and I'm not kidding, I wish I was, nearly every guy friend I've had has crushed on me at some point, and a few still are. *facedesk*)
    On top of the fact that this is not exactly a great situation anyway, I have major social anxiety so any kind of unwanted attention like this makes me really uneasy - like i'll be looking down at my yu-gi-oh cards (yep, I know how to party xD) and then I'll look up to make a play and they'll just be giving me a really frigging creepy stare right in the eyes and I just hate it, it makes me wanna leave the room or just hit them 'til they get their hormones in check. I would just shout "I'm gay! So stop looking at me like that and play a card, you're barking up the wrong tree!" But again, since I'm so socially anxious I can't bring myself to reveal any personal information about myself so easily. This is also why I just don't correct people when they say I'm asexual or answer when they ask me personal questions about my sexuality.

    I know this is probably way too specific but if anyone has ever been in a similar situation - what do I do!? I don't want any of my guy friends crushing on me, and I don't want everyone just assuming I'm something I'm not; but I also just wanna keep myself to myself and not have to tell everyone I'm gay until I'm ready- ahhh!!
    (Thanks for sitting through my rambling! :icon_bigg Any advice would be very much appreciated :wave: )
     
    #1 TWDfangirl, Apr 8, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2014
  2. LibraryKitten

    LibraryKitten
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    You don't have to announce your sexuality to people. Straight people don't have to, so why should you? That's your business, and they only need to know when it becomes relevant to your relationship with them. If your friends are curious, you could tell them if you think they would keep it private, or you could just let them figure it out on their own when you eventually start dating somebody.

    I've been in that position way too many times, where a guy friend starts to crush on me and it makes me uncomfortable. Don't worry, it happens to everybody at some point. (= If a guy is persistently bothering you, you could just let him know that you'd rather just be friends (or not see his face ever again, whichever it may be! haha). Or you could use your orientation as a way to let him down "lightly," as long as you don't think he would go tell people about it. Be warned though, telling a guy you're into girls doesn't always have the intended effect... For some reason that escapes me, a lot of guys think that's attractive... haha.
     
    #2 LibraryKitten, Apr 8, 2014
  3. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    I agree you shouldn't have to make a huge announcement that your gay and like post said above straight don't have to come out if people are wondering if your gay and you feel you want to tell them then do it if not then don't it's not their business but yours I haven't had a guy crush on me though although before I found out I was gay they didn't anyway so
     
    #3 lovely lesbian, Apr 8, 2014
  4. Beetle

    Beetle
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    I feel uncomfortable sometimes for the same reasons. I get hit on by guys a lot (and like you, I'm pretty guy-ish) and quite a few of my guy friends have had crushes on me (and one still does.) I now wear a rainbow bracelet, haven't told him I'm gay but hopefully he gets the message. I basically just tell guys I'm not interested, and I'd only say I'm gay if they don't like taking no for an answer.
     
    #4 Beetle, Apr 8, 2014
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