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Advice for dealing with a male friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Bison, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. Bison

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    I have been struggling with my sexuality for the past few months, and have recently accepted the fact that I am gay. About two weeks ago, I decided to tell the girl I was dating about this, and we split up. Currently, the only people that know about my sexual orientation are this girl and my current college roommate.

    I have this male friend (let's call him "Ernie") who is very warm and personable. He has a certain flair to him that I can't really explain. When we met as freshmen, I had my suspicions that he was gay himself, but he has never given any indication that he is. For the past two years, Ernie had a girlfriend, but they'd broken up this past December.

    Today, Ernie and I were leaving from a group dinner at the campus cafeteria. He asked me if I would describe him as "flamboyant." I said that he wasn't really "flamboyant" so much as he was energetic or really happy all the time. Our other friend who was walking behind us said "You know what another word for "happy" is?" (to which I know he was implying gay, based on his personality). Ernie said that one of his friends had told him that they always assumed that he was "a flamboyant ______ man, but that I'm not." Now the problem here lies in that I did not hear which word he said in the blank. I know it was either gay or straight. We said goodbye and went our separate ways for the evening.

    I'm seeking advice on how to proceed in this situation:
    Can I ask him if he is gay, since he was the one that had brought up the topic? Or should I leave it be?
     
  2. WhiteShadows

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    Well... you could just ask him. He seems relatively open saying it.
     
  3. blueskies

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    I agree with WhiteShadows, I think you could just ask him too!
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I would re-visit the conversation with Ernie and say it something like this:

    "You know when XXXX said another word for happy is gay, well I didn't catch what you said in response and I've been thinking about it since. I'm your friend and I'd really like to know for sure. What did you say to him?"
     
  5. LostAndAffraid

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    Out just do it simply, be like "hey bro, gay, right?" Or "hey bro, strait, right?" It really shouldn't matter.
     
  6. Bison

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    Thank you for the advice. I will consider asking him about it soon.
     
  7. Bison

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    Oh, my heart is light!

    Last night, a bunch of my friends (including Ernie) were gathered for a kinda end-of-the-year-see-everyone-before-they-leave type of event. He had mentioned that he was working on a paper for his class concerning homosexuality, and it seemed like he was dropping some pretty blatant hints when talking with two of the girls at this event.
    We are in the midst of finals week at my university, and I asked Ernie if he had any free time to chat about some of the changes occurring with one of our university's clubs. He agreed to meet me in the dining hall for dinner today.

    We talked about the club's changes, some general school topics and such. Then the conversation turned to discussing the romantic woe's of one of our shared female friends. He talked about how he had the same dilemma with his ex-girlfriend. I brought up the fact that I broke up with my girlfriend; he asked why the relationship didn't work out and I told him that I was gay.

    He responded with "Cool. I'm half-gay." Turns out he realized he was bisexual earlier this school year. He said he had told some people in our club, and also that he had been dropping hints about his sexuality, so my suspicion was correct. We talked a bit more, hugged, and then went our separate ways to study.

    It is simply a relief having told him and knowing now. :slight_smile:
     
  8. YaraNunchuck

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    That's great news :slight_smile:. I'm so pleased for you. I find these kind of mutual coming outs to be really empowering, I've experienced something a little like it. It would be great if you guys can experience being queer together, it should be really good!
     
  9. resu

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    A nice outcome!
     
  10. LostAndAffraid

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    Cool note you just need to ask him out, good luck.