is this something deeper? a bit graphic.

I met this guy who wanted to hookup, or rather have regular hook ups with me... and so I went to meet him... the thing is, I didn't think he would be so ruggedly handsome, and that we'd have so much in common. When he saw me, he said that he was lucky to have found me, and that he didn't want to show his friends because they'd in essence steal me or "eat me up" haha.

we spent the night at his place, he put on a movie and we sat next to each other just watching and chatting for a good while before he wanted to move into the bedroom. He then told me that he wanted to try some stuff with me, and well, he proceeded through with it. I told him the truth that I had never went this far with a guy before... and I must say, (excuse the explicitness here, i just can't help thinking about it...) the way he did it... it felt like some porn scene cause it was just so passionate (i really wish i could go into details here, but I am aware that there are minors). He held me, kissed my neck, squeezed my hand, and well tried doing his business. Essentially however I flaked out and panicked... but instead of being angry with me, he just instead snuggled with me for a while, holding my hand.
Then after that, we both went back outside and he put on another movie... we chatted a bit more and he had his arm around me... i had never felt more safe in my life and it was amazing resting my head against his neck. My arm on his chest, and his arm just warmly hugging me close. He kept his arm around me the whole time while we held hands with his other hand. He stroked my hand a bit and I squeezed his hand back, sometimes he would look at me as we were talking and would kiss my hand or my cheek. We talked about many things, computers, games, movies, politics, religion, philosophy, news, his situation, and all of his past girlfriends and sexual hookups. He asked about my experience then, and I asked him why- and then he quickly apologised and said he was just curious.

we continued sitting like this for a while, then he grabbed my hand it put it on his crotch area and essentially well, i felt his heartbeat in two areas... his chest and in my hand. it was an oddly sexual yet sweet gesture, and I just can't stop thinking about how warm i felt then and there. it was just so quiet and strange, something that i had only thought imaginable only within the confines of my head- back in the days where i was still obsessed and in love with my best friend (this is anotherrr story, check my past post history if your curious). I really cannot describe just how happy i felt, with his arm around me, my head against his neck, our hands touching and holding, and a movie playing infront of us. what made it so amazing was the fact that we were both closeted too... it somehow felt more special just us two.

he stroked my chin a bit, kissed my ear and cheek as the movie finished... then he got up and got a beer, asked if i wanted some but i told him i was driving. then we sat down again and he looked at me and said he lucky. i told him that I liked him (maybe it was too soon), and at first, he said "why not?" but after a while he said he liked me too. He pulled me in for a hug and I could feel him hard again hehe and i rested my head against his chest. gosh he was one handsome man... we sat back down again and talked. he then said to me "want to try again?" and i told him that i'd be willing if he wanted to, if he thought we should. he then hesitated and told me no, that i probably wasn't ready and that we should just take it easy and enjoy ourselves tonight.

He told me that he would be skyping with friends soon, and that if i wanted to stay, i could sleep in the guest bed (i was tempted to ask him, "not your bed?", but i didn't luckily). I never like bothering people, so i told him i would just go home, then he said "are you sure??" and i said that I'd stay if he wanted me to stay, and he said "only if you want to" and then i reflected back at him and said "only if you want me to" and then he finally said that he did want me to stay (maybe it was out of reluctance, or general politeness), but i said i would go anyways.

I pulled him in for one last hug (and of course i felt him again pressing against me), and then he escorted me out to my car. As i drove off, he called me and told me to come back as i had forgotten my shirt. I did a U-turn and wounded back at his place. he opened the door, handed me my shirt, then cupped both his hands around my head and pulled me in for a kiss, kissing my forehead before telling me to text him when i got home safely.

I came home finally, and he texted me first, telling me to text him back which I did. we chatted for awhile, until he finally said goodnight. the next day, i didn't want to text him or initiate first (as i said, i fell in love with my best friend- i understand full well that it is up to them to initiate/make the first move, and that anything on my part would be just useless grasping of straws) and i didn't receive a text until 6pm when he texted me first, and hoped that i had a good weekend. i whisked away such closing comments and instead asked him what he was doing. he told me a funny story about his phone's autocorrect, and for once we spent the whole night talking about funny stuff, he made me laugh- he is quite the troll haha. he used to only text me before to ask if i was free to meet up for sex, but tonight he just talked to me about random stuff. he did make one lewd comment involving bananas though .

anywho, i thought i'd just share this with you guys. there seems to be a lot of depressing stories on this board lately and this just made me smile so much. i'm apprehensive though, i feel myself having feelings for this guy, and i feel myself missing him and not wanting to screw up. i don't know if he feels the same way, or if he is simply doing all of this in order to get me to be comfortable and relaxed for him next time. the lines are blurred and confused cause he wanted regular hook ups, so its not like he was after a one night stand to begin with... but i feel that we could have something more meaningful too... i just don't want to be made vulnerable again, where all the feelings are on my side. i want to have more moments like that of just watching movies together and holding hands. i'm unsure what to make of all this though. through text he seems quite distant. what do you guys think? i have a gut feeling that he doesn't really feel this way, that its just a combination of his cultural upbringings to be a good host/nice to guest, his long ,longggg history of womanizing, so he obviously knows whats romantic and whatnot, and well just the fact that everything about him is so uncertain.

i can't read him, and he's such a catch. i just wonder why he hasn't gotten more interest. i'd feel sort of crushed already if he started doing the same stuff with other guys you know? him doing it with girls is fine but for some reason him doing it with guys is a bit hurtful already. i think i am infatuated unfortunately.... I won't go into it, but i can really see myself getting hurt in letting myself get lost in this guy. a relationship wouldn't work either... his time here is limited and he is obligated to go and marry someone soon

 

Yeh..i thought so too. Its not that he is voluntarily taking off or voluntarily getting married; his visa is expiring.

 

Thanks resu, i appreciate the reply. I think, the idea was nice, I've never really been "cared" for like that in my life and i appreciate the subtlety... he only txted me a bit today and then he said "C ya" instead of continuing the conversation like he did the night before. so i guess he doesn't really feel the same way. i won't initiate any further as to avoid embarrassing myself or looking clingy though. i feel a bit disappointed however. i feel as if, when you go out looking for something or someone, or rather, an ideal someone, you almost never find it. you only find what you are looking for when you aren't really looking and you stumble across it by chance...

 

well unexpectedly he texted me happy birthday even tho i only mentiond it once as a passing comment... wasn't expecting that. then we chatted some more and he asked me how my day was. it was really cute. after a bit more talking we talked more and he told me a few jokes. then when i didn't respond for a while he asked if i went to sleep or not.

..the next few days we talked a bit more. i told him i liked texting him and he said he was glad. today he texted me again, and asked when i could see him again. he said he wanted to go all the way this time, and i asked him if that was all he wanted from me and nothing more. he said that he was happy to see me and wanted to see me too...

i wonder. maybe he just has a very very high libido? i really feel like there's maybe something here, but that it's not conventional. it doesn't feel like a hook up because we do actually talk about things, and i found it really sweet when he waited till 12 to text me happy birthday

he sure is doing a good job at making me infatuated though. i really hope he is after more. but for now, i find myself lost. i mean wouldn't anyone? if a dark, handsome and passionate man who, till now, only slept with women, randomly decided to choose you first, his first guy.. and him being so horny and caring(? i question this more or less though) is actually quite a turn on. he honestly feels like one of those elusive straight guys that you have crushes on, you know? those cliche bad-boy types haha. rationally, i see myself getting hurt in this one way or another, but i want to sort of have fun with this as well, and i'm really really tying to get over him (although he hasn't given me any indication of wanting to break things off *yet* though, but i'm trying to mentally prepare myself)

 

thanks Aunty Sue (great name by the way). I should put it out there that I am verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry new to this all and very inexperienced. I feel like i'm playing with fire- or if not playing with a pro more or less. I guess there could be stuff to learn from it.

 

Hey DangerAlex, I'd like to add that he isn't getting married, simply he was just desperately thinking of a way to extend his visa (nothing imminent, just peace of mind more or less). He has accepted the fact that it probably won't work out like that.

A little update, so I guess we've been texting the whole week. He texted me right after work the other day to ask me how my day was, and how it was going, and I usually do the same... Sometimes when I say that I've had a terrible day, he would tell his crummy jokes to make me laugh :3. they're so awful that I laugh anyways, it's pretty funny now that I think about it. Then he does this silly thing when he thinks he can fool me with some crack pot theory (e.g. drinking vodka is good for your skin)- all in jest though. haha it makes me smile nonetheless.

I have... unfortunately developed attachment and feelings for him now, and I really don't know if he feels the same way. He asked if I had done anything before, or I guess 'interrogated' me on someone that he had thought was showing interest in me, but I told him that I was only interested in seeing him. He replied with a simple "" to which I asked if he actually meant that- if he was actually happy, and he said that he was.

@Whiteshadow, I would honestly communicate and talk with him more, but the problem is, his English isn't that good (it sort of somewhat adds to the silly appeal I know, a dark and handsome foreigner showing interest in you but that's just me being silly...). I don't have much confidence in his English when he struggled to understand what I meant by "do you have much planned for the rest of the night"- to which he cutely thought if I was asking if I could come over... or moreover the fact that he couldn't tell what sarcasm was... So we have been talking a lot more, there are nights and days where he would make me laugh, days where he would initiate first to ask me how things were going, and then most of the time, it would degenerate into some horny flirting (which it does A LOT of the time, again he has a very high libido).

The other day, we were talking, and he said he had nothing to eat, to which I said I should cook for him... he said "like girlfriend and boyfriend" (not used to being called a girl, but what ever, whatever goes). Then he proceeded to call me very sweet and put some smileys there. I don't really know what to make of this, perhaps he was just making a disparate comparison of a typical situation or whatever. Then after that talking about seeing the lunar eclipse, we continued talking, and he said he had to go shower. We continued texting, and it got a little late, then he started flirting again.

He asked if he could see me towards the evening sometime this week, and that he would like very much to go all the way (another red flag), but then he somewhat surprised me by asking if I would like to stay back. I asked him directly, in my simplest English, about how he saw me... if whether or not he wanted me to just come and go or stay back, and insisted that he be honest with me. He replied in his broken English more or less that it was up to me, that he would like me to stay, but that in the end it was my decision. I said that I'd see how it goes, then he replied with a smiley face. He then asked, "what should we eat afterwards", noting that everything would be closed around his area- but mentioning that hopefully mcdonalds would still be open. It was pretty cute, I really look forward to the idea of eating out with him, or at the very least getting some takeaway...

I said that I was looking forward to spending time with him ( i explicitly said "spending time" to make the distinction) and he said that it would be nice. Then it got late again and he started flirting, I responded that he only wanted me for the sex (even though we haven't had it), and he responded with a smiley face ( I don't know if he missed what I was hinting at or if I am making excuses) that whenever he meant a "boy or girl" like me, he gets very horny (his last 'relationship' was with a girl... they had started off as casual hookups and then both agreed to have a relationship)

The next day, we started talking about movies and computer games- we got into a little debate about which was better, a PC or a console, and then he talked for a while about why PC was so much better, to which I argued back that consoles, offering not only better exclusives but also a more comfortable controller, was superior. He said the idea was silly and tried his best to explain (it was pretty cute I guess) why he thought PC required more skills in FPS games. After that, I told him about the new releasing movie called "Transcendence" and he said it looked good. Then we talked for awhile about internet piracy, followed by a chat about the upcoming games on PS4 and PC and about Titanfall- we were making comparisons about which one looked graphically better, he proudly said "PC is best".

Anywho, long story short, he is a shitty texter in terms of his expression and understanding, and I've realised now that I can only read him when he is then and there physically with me. Surely someone after a hookup wouldn't have spent the remainder of the night holding hands and watching movies, kissing me on the forehead like he did last time? I've never had or been a booty call before, nor have I ever been in a relationship save for that one relationship I had where the guy kept texting "i love you" and that "I was his life" (which creeped and grossed me out- so honestly, I'm trying my hardest to refrain from doing that cause I don't want to stuff up- yes I am trying to play it cool cause I know how off-putting clingyness is)

Honest thoughts? I feel as if I may be pulling at straws and trying to convince myself otherwise. I feel that yes, I have been burnt, I have fallen into the seductive trap, and that the only way out is through heartbreak and hurt. But with that, I still hold onto the hope that it's different. The only way to tell would be how he acts when I see him.
It's unfortunate, I see myself getting hurt, but I am silly like a dog. I won't really learn until it happens, so I guess I'll just ride it out and see where all this ends up going. I find myself being very attracted to him physically (he is devilishly handsome, very rugged ), but also attracted to him in the sense where he would make me laugh or tell me his stupid jokes or his funny stories whenever we chat (maybe I'm reading too much into this- it's really hard trying to be objective without being eager/hopeful in telling you guys this), but I really hope things work out... I had someone very dear to me hurt me very much last time, and I hope it doesn't happen again...

---------- Post added 17th Apr 2014 at 04:54 PM ----------

Just also wanted to add (in the interest of keeping this story interesting and a bit steamy), I can't really stop thinking about the 'passion' last time... how he, wrapped his arm around me as I lay down, gently kissed my ear and my neck, and then humped

 

@DangerAlex, Oh please don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm being recalcitrant or unappreciative of your advice, resu's advice or Whiteshadow's advice, I'm actually taking in what you guys are saying very seriously (hence my doubt, my skepticism and my understanding that I will be heartbroken), it's just that feelings can operate on a level different to, and against logic. I know that if I've met someone like this, that I can meet someone like this again, or someone better. It's just I'm quite...infatuated right now. And thanks, I will most likely say something like that in person to him when time permits. I'll try my hardest not to sound creepy though, believe me, I've been on the receiving end of an over-attached person and it just saps the interest right out of you.

@whiteshadows, yes his English is expressive to an extent, but it's nonetheless marred with grammatical errors (I shouldn't be a grammar nazi here, but you can tell by talking to him that it isn't fluent to him) and that's precisely the reason why I find his jokes endearing and funny, because he goes through so much effort to try to explain himself, that sometimes the joke just falls completely flat and lost in the explanation... it's nonetheless funny.

He is from India...which would I guess explain the touchy-feeliness.

I know, I know, I'm making myself very vulnerable, but I'm finding it hard to walk away when there is still so much yet unanswered

 

I think this will end sadly for both of us.

I arranged to meet him again- although we both initially almost called it off because we were sort of sick with colds. Nonetheless, we met up anyways at his house. When I saw him, he took me in his arms and kissed me on the forehead, then he asked me what we should do. I put on a movie, but I think that he was too distracted (by me) so he missed the plot. We then put on a different movie and we watched it for the most part; or well I did, he was just too busy looking at me or touching my back/ass haha. We talked all the while about random things; I wasn't feeling too well so I didn't feel like talking- plus, during the whole night I was a little sad because I couldn't stop thinking about what you guys told me (yes it bothered me the whole day mind you), and so I was a bit more withdrawn. I did try however to be conversable- which I think worked. He kissed me on the cheek again as we watched it, and I started asking him questions about his past relationships with girls and guys.

@DangerAlex, yes, you were right. He is a Casanova, as he told me about the way how he would treat girls like this to keep them interested- all the intimate touchy stuff. I was really sad when he told me this, and I asked him, "so do you treat everyone you meet like this?" to which he replied, "just you, and girls". I have to hand it to him, at least he was being honest about it- yet it didn't feel like a comment that made me feel bad for some reason... He then went on to tell me, from what I can remember, that he has never ever felt this way for a guy before, that it was confusing, that it was different and strange. I asked him which gender he was more attracted to, and he said more or less that, because of me, he was attracted to both equally. I asked him then, if he was ever attracted to any other guy before me and he said no, that it's just been me, that he likes me "very very much" and that it might just be because he thought I was cute/sexy. I then mentioned about when he would be leaving, and that I really do care for him... He didn't say anything to this, he just pulled me in for a hug and rested his head against mine. I then told him that, being the first guy that I've had real feelings for, that I've grown quite "attached to him a lot", asking him with the follow-up question if whether or not it was a bad thing. He said, "not necessarily" and then tried to explain, hesitantly, that it was okay- (I guess he didn't really feel the same way). After a few more moments, he turns to me, looks at me in the eyes and then kisses me on the lips gently after I told him about my inexperience.

I was pretty sad and disappointed at this point, so I didn't feel like talking much. We then went to the bedroom. We got naked, and he hugged me from behind as he kissed my neck, and tried humping me. He looked deeply in my eyes and then kissed me on the lips as we did this...and we did more or less try 69 (for the first time in my life might I add), and I climaxed him with a bj. I told him not to climax me or else I might freak out and stuff, so he didn't. He said that it was amazing, and that it was incredible. We snuggled for a bit and he lay there holding me and stroking me. It was so nice to be close to someone like that, and it felt nice being held like that I guess... I was contemplating leaving, but then he asked me if we wanted to get up to have dinner. He cooked dinner for us. After we got up. The next few moments were very chatty, he kept trying to talk to me and asking me questions about my life, about my story and about if whether or not I had pets or not (I guess he does this to everyone). Then he started talking about how all men in his culture had to get married and started talking about his potential suitors or girls that were after him. He said he wasn't very interested in them though, and that he didn't really feel like marrying them for the sake of it, let alone getting a visa.

We sat down for dinner, and he got me some of his food. We talked about hygiene and he noted how it was weird that I used a knife and a spoon to eat- to which I retorted that I had never seen anyone use their hands to eat food like that before. He told me that it was normal- just part of his culture and all that. We ended up watching the end of the movie- which, before we had paused for the bedroom, and he said he had a sweet surprise for me- I smiled at him cheekily and told him that I already had his surprise (I decided at this point that I may as well have fun and be playful- I had been pensive the whole night and this internalization had really ruined the whole meaning of this experience for me), asking him in follow up if he had round two in mind. He laughed and said, "no" and then took out a box to give me some Indian deserts. He had saved precisely two desserts for me and him to eat, knowing that I wouldn't have tried these before. They were delicious and sweet, and it was pretty cute how he had just saved two for us (he went out to buy them for a work function and saved two for me and him). We sat down again, and he sadly mentioned that he would be leaving the country at around December. Even though he may not have felt the same way, I was still very sad to hear this. We talked a bit more, and he kissed me on the cheek again and said he was sleepy. I got up to start leaving and he asked me where I was going... I said that I was going home. He looked rather sad and said that I could stay if I wanted to. We went back and forth like this for awhile- me being insistent on leaving, until he finally said that he really wanted me to stay back with him. I reluctantly said "ok" and he showed me to the bed. I asked him where he would be sleeping, and if we would be sleeping together (it didn't really make sense to me why he would want me to stay back if we were going to sleep in separate rooms) and he said that he would sleep in his own bed. I told him then that I would be leaving because I knew that I would end up waking early and that he would sleep late into the afternoon, and then he asked, rather cutely, "Y?" and I told him that, if I left now, he would at least still be awake to see me leave, as opposed to me leaving unannounced in the morning. He still didn't really understand what I was getting at, and he said that he'd really like me to stay.

I shot back at him "Y???" and he said that he "didn't know Y?" and that he just wanted me to stay back really badly. I wouldn't have this though, so I just told him that I would only stay back if we either see each other in the morning, or we sleep in the same bed (bit demanding of me, but I feel like I could say it to him at this point- it's strange, i'm no longer worried about appearing creepy to him) and he said that he would try to wake up early for me maybe. I realised this was selfish however because he works long hours during the week. I then asked him why we simply couldn't sleep/snuggle together, and he said that he hasn't done that with anyone since he was a young boy, and that he would end up kicking me off the bed and rolling everywhere. I smiled, and told him that I was like a cross between a cat, dog and a log of wood in that I'd only take up a small corner of the bed, and not move much. He laughed hard at that suggestion, then he said "ok I stay up with you then". Then I said "Y?" And he said that if we both couldn't sleep, he would rather stay up with me and talk for the rest of the night about video games, new phones and gadgets (it really really makes me wonder if all his girls talk about video games and phones like I do...)

We then lay down in bed together, he moved a bit closer so that our heads were next to each other and we chatted for the next many moments. He asked me about things like the iPhone, and I told him about my experiences on uni and the mischief that we get up to. He laughed at all of them and then paused, stopped, looked at me in the eyes, and smiled, all before turning back to his phone to talk about the Occulus Rift.

My memory begins to fail me, but I remember him saying something along the lines of having not ever felt this way for a guy before after that.

I noticed that he was yawning constantly, so I said that I would be leaving. He quickly got up first before I did, then threw a blanket over my head and told me that I would be staying. He smiled. I smiled too, and then told him that I could wait for him to fall asleep then I could go if he wanted to. I threw the blanket off, and he grabbed it and threw it back on my head. We both laughed at this. He finally admitted defeat and I went to get the rest of my clothes. I couldnt quite put my pants back on, so he went behind me and pulled them up for me, all the while holding me around my hips. I said to him cheekily, "i'm used to you pulling them down, not up"- he laughed heaps and did my buckle for me from behind. He said I was sexy then kissed the crevice of my neck from behind.

He then guided me to the door, and as I was about to leave, he looked at me for a while... I then turned back and hugged him. He pushed me away, but then pulled be back, to cup my head and then kissed me deep on the lips. I pushed him back a bit, as kisses always freaked me out and I was never sure how to react to them. I pulled him back in for a hug and gently kissed his neck.

He then told me to text him when I got back, and to text him throughout the week.

It was strange, as I walked off I felt oddly fulfilled but numb at the same time. I think a part of me had come to the acceptance, if not realisation that he may in fact be doing this with everyone else, that he texted girls throughout the week as well, and treated girls the same way he treated me. Yet, in spite of this, it was oddly comforting, if not paradoxically consoling to think that he'd go through such an effort for me- regardless or not if whether by chance it had been replicated or hitherto repressed. We would never, ever be able to come out in both of our respective communities- never ever be able to fully accept or embrace our sexuality as we were both bounded by a web of assumptions and culture more or less. It was enough for me though. I left, not feeling very bothered by what he had told me, my heart really did feel differently in that respect. I felt satisfied and happy to know him... and I hope we grow closer and closer, at least until he leaves.

I drove back that night, and all I could think about was nothing but appraisals for him. If he were lying to me, then he was doing a pretty good, if not, an admirable job of contriving it. I think on some unconscious level we both thought about it- about the hypothetical lie. If he was lying to me, then he knew that I knew, and that he knew that I knew that he knew. Regardless, I knew he was telling the truth when he told me that he had never been with a guy, and that I was his first. There are just some gestures that you cannot possibly contrive, and it would be contemptible to think so.

 

Hey, so you may have remembered a while back I wrote about that guy I met online, who kept calling me up for sex... well, we are now indeed in a relationship, and we both like each other very much.
As some of you may remember, he will be deported by the end of this year as his visa expires...
here's a little update for those interested:
we were with his friend late last night just discussing ways to help extend his visa, and because he wanted me to meet his friend too. All three of us spent the night talking, and well, I guess we realised how depressing the whole situation was with less than half a year to go before he has to go. I felt a little hurt by how he so casually said that he'd just leave at the end of the year- I know that it is beyond his power but I felt almost as he wasn't even thinking about the idea of leaving me behind back here... but nonetheless he has always been a bit distant emotionally. So, his friend started talking about potential suitors for him, finding him a girlfriend with PR that would be willing to get married and sponsor him. He went through a list of potential suitors...each time saying he didn't like this or that aspect of them... All the while they were discussing this I was quietly thinking to myself.... he must have looked at my expression as he went quiet... then he unexpectedly reached over to my hand, grabbed it, and held it then kissed me gently on the cheek and said no more about finding him a wife. After that we spent the rest of the night joking, the three of us chatting until I finally felt tired and wanted to go sleep. He was waiting for his friend to leave, and I think his friend was waiting for us to get intimate so he could watch- but I couldn't really tell xD. Anywho, he would make the cutest groaning noise whenever he was exhausted but couldn't sleep haha...

I went into his room and slept on the bed for a bit, and he came in after me. He kissed my neck for a bit then tried spreading my legs like he always does- but I said no and that we were both too tired, and that moreover his friend was just in the other room. He looked a bit sad, then smiled at me cheekily. He lay down and beckoned for me to lay down with him and he held me in his arms for a bit. As strange as this sounds, I was oddly turned on by his slight musk- it was afterall his smell, unique only to him... He chatted to me for awhile and we joked around in bed, till he finally got up and said that he needed to discuss something important with his friend... He got up, and I tried to get up with him, and he threw the blanket over my head and pushed me down. We both laughed, and I asked him why he always does this whenever he tries to get me to sleep. He looks at me, smiles and then says that back in india they would use to do that to cats and kittens to get them to sleep. I told him he confused it with getting caged birds to sleep, and he said "no, I right" haha. Nonetheless after trying several times to get up, I finally resigned and went to sleep. An hour later I was awoken by him coming back in to put my phone and wallet on the table next to me so that I wouldn't forget them the next morning. He tripped on something, made a loud noise and woke me up. We ended up lying in bed together again, and he kissed my neck and tried to sleep together. He couldn't though, he kept getting hard again, and he told me that this was why he couldn't sleep in the same bed with me. I told him to just try, and eventually, before we knew it, it was 5:20 am. We got intimate, and he taught me how to give him a BJ just the way he liked it. It was different this time, as before, I used to be so concerned about just getting him over the edge so he could be satisfied... but no, this time I did it because I wanted to, I wanted to take my time with it and enjoy it (he is so damn big though :3). After he came, he smiled at me and said "lots of milk today". And I looked at him for a moment... just looking at his face, his body as he lay back, and somewhere in my mind, I just knew that I'd be remembering this single moment for the rest of my days. He must have sensed something, and he smiled at me sleepily.... We lay in bed for a little longer, and then I got up to go toilet and he told me that he'd be going to sleep in his room too.

I went into my room. It was pitch black, and as I was closing the door, he leapt out and scared me. he told me it was pay back for my stunt earlier on when I had tried to pick up his unframed paper diploma, and, whilst unbeknownst to him, holding yet another sheet of paper beneath that diploma, tore the sheet of paper to make it look like i tore his diploma xD. After the initial fear we both laughed and he paused, looked at me and sighed that I had made him so happy... Finally, we both resigned to our beds as it was now edging onto 6am... But, I knew him, and he knew me- both of us would always try to get in one last scare as neither of us wanted the other person to have the last laugh. I snuck out of my bed and crawled quietly like a ninja on all fours, slowly opening my door as to avoid the spine curdling sound of un-oiled hinges. It was completely dark in the hallway, and as I was crawling towards his room, I hit onto something... My head hit into his leg- he had been waiting outside for me to crawl and he had caught me. He rolled me over and tickled me then carried me back into the room, plopped me on the bed and threw the blanket on my head to make me fall asleep like a cat. We joked around a little longer, and finally, after realising that it would soon be morning, decided to get some sleep. He kissed me gently on the lips and hugged me, and said that he'd text me when I'd get home. I looked at him as he was closing the door, standing in the door way... then, he said to me something that absolutely broke my heart and almost had me in tears (if i could still cry)

"i don't forget you... if i go"