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Curious friend? Or just wishful thinking?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by shadowraptor, Apr 12, 2014.

  1. shadowraptor

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    I recently posted a thread on the "Sexual and Romantic Orientation" forum, and if you've read it you know I've been crushing on this guy in my school for about 6 months (if not and you're curious, check my post history). I don't know if this is just wishful thinking on my part, but it seems to me like he's been touching me a lot.

    Now, I know a lot of guys do this "touching" thing with their friends in a completely platonic way, but this feels like something more to me. We've become really great friends over the past few months, perhaps he's even one of my closest. There are many guys who will flirt with me playfully or even touch me in a way that seems almost fake at my school, but this guy is different. Let me elaborate.

    Sometimes, he'll gently run his fingers through my hair. I do that to him too, but then again I'll often fluff people's hair for fun. Sometimes, he'll put his leg next to mine so that they're touching, and he won't pull away. Occasionally he'll just come up and hug me from behind, he might rest his head or arm on my shoulder, or on occasion I'll feel his hand brush up against me ever so gently. And I've caught him staring at me during class before. Where the other boys are rough in their gestures, his are soft and seemingly loving.

    But the thing is, he's straight, and I know he is completely in love with his girlfriend, the last thing on his mind is hurting or leaving her. And while I'm practically head over heels for him, I doubt he returns the favor. I suspect he knows that I'm gay, even though I've told him I'm not in the past to throw him off my trail.

    So my questions:
    1) Is he just being another one of the guys, or trying to seduce me? (if he is, it's working)
    2) Should I tell him the truth about my sexuality? And should I go even further by telling him about my infatuation with him and my fantasies?
    3) Expansion of number 2: should I confront him about the touching? Although I'm enjoying it, I don't want it to go too far.
     
  2. resu

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    1. Maybe, maybe not. Oftentimes, straight guys who are in relationships are very comfortable in their masculinity and may come across as being gay through expressing such soft gestures.

    2. It's a good idea to tell him your sexuality so he knows you're at least open to liking guys and thinking guys will like you. You probably shouldn't tell your infatuation for him at the same time because that would be awkward. Fantasies are even more taboo and are best left unsaid. The main thing is unrequited love is hard on both parties.

    3. You can confront it, but you're probably going to have to come out first so he doesn't think you're being unfriendly. That will have the added benefit of letting him choose to repeat the touching or stop it, depending on his intent (though, him continuing doesn't necessarily indicate he likes you if you haven't also told him your feelings).
     
  3. shadowraptor

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    Okay, but it doesn't make sense to me why they would do that. I feel like in general, most guys would go out of their way to be physical or rough in attempt to keep that masculinity looking strong. I do get the point you make there though.

    Thanks for that insight. And by fantasies, I meant dreams that I had about him, but that would probably be too overly-awkward. So yeah, I'll either leave that for another sitting or just not bother telling him at all. And that point about being unfriendly makes a lot of sense, and I don't wanna lose his friendship.

    Any other opinions or advice would be appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  4. shadowraptor

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    I've been considering whether or not to update this or not, but our situation has only gotten more and more confusing.

    On Thursday last week, we were taking the train home together, alone. We've been doing this a lot recently but I can't find the courage to come out to his face. We were talking about our finals, and somehow the issue of homosexuality came up. Our student-council president is gay and he had petitioned that a school club for gays, which had been shut down a while back, be brought back. I was surprised because he didn't trash talk gays or anything, in fact he pretty much supported them.

    Come Monday, after a final a group of us went out to grab something to eat. We coincidentally sat next to each other, and the whole time he was constantly putting his arm around me protectively, touching our legs, he even let me lay my head down in his lap while he played with my hair (I'm not gonna lie, that turned me on :icon_wink). I even tried flirting with him a little bit, which he didn't mind, and he even took a sip from my drink to which I replied "I don't mind" and although he backed away and said "eww", I could tell he was joking.

    Then on Tuesday, taking the train home together, it was fairly empty and we were talking about finals again. I moved myself closer to him, and he didn't really care, our legs and sides were touching with a certain pressure that was noticeable but he didn't care. He also told me that he had lost contact with a lot of his friends, and I told him that he had me so it was okay. I said it as a joke, but he said "I'm lucky for that" with a smile :slight_smile:. We had to transfer to another train, and while we were waiting, two boys, one probably around 11 or 12 and another of probably 14 or 15 kissed each other goodbye right in front of us. If I had been alone, I would have had an "Aww" moment, but with my friend, I felt kind of embarrassed and ashamed that I had yet to come out to him. The rest of the train ride was in silence, and I think he picked up on my nervousness as I was biting my lip and tapping my fingers against my side.

    I sincerely don't understand what's going on with him. I wish I knew what was going on in his brain, because although he does this with other guys, most of it is with me. I think he suspects I'm gay, but I'm worried if I come out that I won't have these encounters with him... :help: