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Kind of a weird problem with a friend.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DerekJ, Apr 12, 2014.

  1. DerekJ

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    So, my friend and I that go all the way to middle school just came out to one another and everyone else. This is two years after we graduated college. We both joined southern fraternities and were usually seen as straight, him more so than me, but no one really ever said anything.

    All that being said, since we came out, he's been acting really flamboyant and not so much feminine as much as just stereotypically very gay. No problem with doing any of those things, but the problem is that this is a total change from who he was. He was a reserved, not overly expressive person. I really valued his demeanor before we came out, and at this point I feel like I just don't know if this is even the same person I was friends with bc he's changed so much. Am I wrong for feeling this? Has anyone ha a similar experience?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    The thing is, if you've only just come out to EACH OTHER then for all you know he's been wanting to act this way for as long as you've known him and he's had to hide it from the world.


    It's not wrong to worry about a complete change in someones personality, but I would recommend you try and find out where it's actually come from before you decide if it's something you need to STAY worried about! :slight_smile:
     
  3. ba92

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    actually yes, this situation happened to me. A ex-close friend of mine was outed by another friend. After that happened, I came out to him a a few weeks later and he began to act different to me. We didn't agree as much as we used to, he became a very judgmental and overly emotional person. He also became allot more feminine than I remembered him as a teenager. It made me think that him being closeted made him someone he wasn't and he's now starting to learn how to be himself. Is this how you feel?
     
  4. resu

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    One challenge is that maybe his personality used to be more flamboyant before middle school, and he was only demure because the closeted made him like that. However, he also could be enjoying his freedom of being out and trying to do all those things he was reluctant to do before, even though he might later mellow out. Most likely, there is a combination of the two: pulling off repressed urges and trying out new things.

    Personally, I was much more carefree, though still an introvert, in elementary school than later on. My best friend (a boy) and I were quite artsy, doing things like crochet that most people would be considered unmasculine, which I later stopped because I learned "that's gay." As it so happened, he moved away in high school, but later he came out, and I'm still stuck in the closet. Even my mom said that I became much more serious and distant when I got older.

    So, you should not be judgmental over your friend's choice of behaviors, but I think it would be okay to talk to him about whether his previous reserved self was just a mask. Sometimes people don't realize how much they've changed until others mention it. It was the same thing when my mom said I was too serious; I felt hurt but realized she was in fact right.
     
  5. DerekJ

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    Thanks for all the input. It's been probably about a year since it all started, so I've had a while process it. I was more wondering if anyone else had ever experienced this, which I guess people have. If it continues to bother me, I'll definitely talk to him about it.

    It was a very interesting point that this may have just been the way he was before he began to socialize himself in a different way. I guess I'll never really know. Change can be difficult, but it's all good :icon_wink. Thanks!!