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Help-feelings are such a mess sometimes

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bearseverywhere, Apr 15, 2014.

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  1. bearseverywhere

    bearseverywhere
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    Okay. So there is this girl (isn't there always) and we're gonna call her Gold because my name is Silver~

    She's 15 years old, same class as me, and has been my best friend since grade 7. Before my wacky teacher made us sit next to each other, I hardly knew she existed. Our class was rather big, and I had stuck to myself, preferring to sit and observe rather than actually take part.

    Gold was the ideal girl, in terms of personality. She was loud, outgoing, she wasn't afraid to argue her point back. Tell her something she doesn't like or agree with? She'll tell you straight to your face. I suppose that's what I like the most about her.

    Gold and I connected like that. It was the weirdest pair. For what can me, a shy, quiet person who lieks anime, and she this loud person do together? That's when I found out she liked anime too. It was a shocker.

    As I got to know her and we got closer, I learnt that this cheery smile she had on was sometimes just a mask. With practice, I soon identified when she was feeling unhappy and thus, started hugging her a lot. As I later learnt, she had problems at home with her family.

    Gold and I became extremely good friends. We would do everything together. When either of us were suffering, we would comfort each other and help one another. One of my other friends in my class began calling us the tenrose? of the class, which I gathered was a doctor who reference to a pairing that was very popular. We would just laugh and grin at each other.

    Lately, however, I began to think of her as pretty. It was never pretty, always cute, but somehow, a random turn in events, and she became pretty to me. Then, I wanted to run my fingers through her brown hair, twirl her around and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. This was a shocking revelation to me, at age 14. Now, I'm 15, and nothing has changed. Her birthday passed recently, and just as I was gathering up the courage to tell her what I felt, she came to me, grinned and said, "silver, guess what? I've got a boyfriend!"

    It shattered me. I didn't know what to do, so I continued to hide my feelings, despite the fact that it hurts even more now. What should I do? Should I tell her anyway, or pretend that I don't like her in that way?
     
    #1 bearseverywhere, Apr 15, 2014
  2. DaniLM

    DaniLM
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    Ah silver. Having experienced the best friend crush and actually telling her how I felt, my best advice to you would be to, ultimately, tell this girl you feel about her. I know it's a huge risk to the bond and the friendship but it's only going to start hurting you even more if you were to continue going on as you are (especially since she now has a boyfriend). It would be damaging to your relationship with her in the long run if you were to continue hiding it (if you're seeing each other in school frequently it could be really painful for you). Also, it's unfair for you to have all these feelings for someone who is (potentially) unable to reciprocate.

    It may not be the best time for you to tell her RIGHT now but when you feel ready and when you think that the time is right, express, in a way you feel most appropriate, that you like her as more than a friend and ask her how she feels about that. For me, I had to let her know because the emotional turmoil was exhausting. Yes, you risk losing her as a friend but there's also the possibility that she could reciprocate. It's up to you to decide whether or not she is worth that risk. Take your time with this and plan it through. Heck, it took me like two years to finally do it!

    It can be nerve wracking, not gonna lie, but it is an absolutely huge weight off your shoulders once you let her know. Just ensure that you have some support from friends/ relatives (etc.) too because they can really help you out.

    I wish you all the best with this, it's a difficult situation to be in!
     
    #2 DaniLM, Apr 15, 2014
  3. TJ

    TJ
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    I somewhat agree with DaniLM.
    I have never told a friend I have feelings for them; I've always opted to just keep the feelings in. I'd rather enjoy our friendship than confess feelings and make our relationship awkward.

    But if you have the courage to tell her and you understand that it could potentially affect your relationship, you should tell her when you're ready, or when you feel the time is right.
    I never wanted to risk the friendship. I'd rather just contain my feelings and continue talking.
     
    #3 TJ, Apr 15, 2014
  4. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    I'm with TJ on this.

    You need to think about your friendship (which sounds really precious to you) and ask yourself how you would feel if this revelation damaged things between the two of you.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Apr 15, 2014
  5. bearseverywhere

    bearseverywhere
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    thank you so much for all your advice. I think that I know what I should do, which is to tell her, I'm just frankly very shy XD thankssss so much, your post helped loads :icon_bigg

    ~viva la silva
     
    #5 bearseverywhere, Apr 16, 2014
  6. DaniLM

    DaniLM
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    Glad it helped you out Silver! I agree with what TJ and Linco have said too- have a think about the consequences of telling her and about the risk first. It's up to you.

    I was shy too but I don't regret doing it. The girl I liked didn't reciprocate but we are still friends to this day and I told her four or so years ago. That and it was a huge confidence boost- even if I recall I was sobbing my words out lol (fun times).

    All the best!!! :grin:
    -Dan
     
    #6 DaniLM, Apr 16, 2014
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