Online dating! (question)

I completely know what you mean about 'the digging'. Or at least I think I do.

I mean I've had a profile for a while now and only 2 people have ever approached me (who didn't seem like a fake profile at least), one of them stopped talking after a few messages, the other guy I've spoken a lot with and he's basically OK.

The rest I've messaged and every time I felt like I had to try really hard to drag something out of them, and they never seemed to bother trying to find out about me!!

So I stopped. Now when I talk to someone, I will respond to the content of the message however I can and I will add on ONE extra thing if the current topic is coming to a close. They usually respond and then I wait for them to either ask me something or tell me something.

I mean so far it's not going so well in terms of asking things. Most people don't seem to actually want to ask me anything which kind of annoys me, but I guess that's not how most people talk to each other!

 

So you're actively trying to learn more about her and she seems happy to let you do the work, not asking to know more about you often? Sounds line sided, but maybe she's worried you might get creeped out if she expresses more of an interest, who knows?

I met all my girlfriends online (sad? Maybe, but I am not keen on clubs so I was lucky enough to meet them on social media sites). I've always felt the interest level was equal and the attraction mutual, but now you even make me question myself! Lol.

Maybe leave the ball in her court - in other words don't contact her and see if she does nothing or tries to get in touch. If it's the former then I guess she wasn't interested enough, if it's the latter then keep trying.

Oh, and you two, let me know how it all goes. I've been considering trying online dating but still unsure - best of luck to you both! Give me hope. (^_~)

 

I think it is mostly only awkward if the level of interest isn't there from both participants - both for online and face-to-face dating.

 

As it happens I DO mind. How DARE you ask me about my personal affairs!

But seriously, can you imagine if I was like that? Of course I don't mind

I'll have a look...since last november apparently.

So far, no one's approached me yet.
OK let me give you a list of the people who have approached me according to my records:

1. A guy from Australia with a generic message
2. A guy from South America with a generic message
3. A guy from London with a generic message
4. A guy from America whose English was so bad I couldn't read the message properly
5. A nice guy I've spoken to for over a month, but I don't think anything will happen
6. A guy from UK who just said 'Hey sxc'
7. A trans person near me who sent about 3 messages then stopped

So mostly spam.

I, on the other hand, have sent messages to a few people. 3 replied and none of those lasted for more than 5 messages.

While I mentioned I wasn't expecting anything serious or fruitful from it, now it kinda makes me wonder if I'm that ugly!
It's not about being 'that ugly', it's just unfortunate that in online dating you are literally lined up and examined based on appearance. If there is someone MORE attractive they will get the message first. So unless you are labouring under the illusion that you're the most attractive person in the whole world, don't beat yourself up about your looks!

As I've checked it out, I plan to just leave my profile there and wait until I get a notification about someone looking or expressing interest or whatever.
That's what I've been doing and it hasn't been working. I think eventually I might start sending messages, but I'm pretty self conscious so I haven't so far.


See, I think that is how people talk to each other if the interest is mutual. I think if both people are equally interested to each other, that would reflect on how much each individual put effort into getting to know the other person. I mean, if you're interested about something, it makes you curious, right?

While that is true, I wonder how well it translates to normal conversation.

I mean personally my first instinct is to want to know about someone. I rarely know where to start and often find myself wanting to ask lots of questions so I have something to talk about.

Now I'm finding that the guy I've been speaking to tends to just mention something and we will talk about that for a bit until someone adds something else to it. It feels more like natural conversation I guess...actually part of me wants to ask questions but I feel like it would be really weird to break from discussing gaming and then just go "That's so interesting. So what's your favourite colour?"

So I wonder how much of that is the normal person equivalent of getting to know someone. I mean we just talk about a subject for a bit and stuff comes out. I don't know how much we KNOW about each other from this, and I certainly don't feel like I know as much as I would like, but perhaps that is how people do it!


I don't really know how to get a date. Gee, I don't even know how to tell someone I like them. I'm just thinking if offline dating is as hard and awkward as online dating is.
Nor do I, it's a nightmare!

 

I'm a personal fan of being direct. I would just tell them straight out that I like them if I did and see what the reaction is. Then change my behaviors based on that reaction (wouldn't want to pursue someone who wasn't interested).

 

Personally, I don't do online dating. I made a profile once way back when, talked to a couple girls, but never met them in real life. In my experience, online dating attracts a very specific type: Awkward, not very social, and/or just strange in an off-putting way. That's not to say there aren't "normal" (I use that term very loosely, as what is normal anyway?) people using these dating sites, but based on the girls I spoke to, I feel the ratio to be a little out of balance. I prefer dating in real life, mostly because I rely a lot on not only what a person has to say, but also how they say it--body language, intonation, context, etc. A lot of meaning/intent gets lost in translation when you're trying to interpret online correspondence.

Just my two cents though. Everyone is different, and different mediums work for different people. To anyone who has had online dating work for them, more power to you! Seems like a very convenient, low-anxiety way to meet people if it works for you.

 

: Awkward, not very social, and/or just strange in an off-putting way

That's exactly my type of girl...how come you can find them!

 

The closest I ever came to telling a person I liked them was when I said their photo was pretty...I got a thank you and the conversation died...FML xD

 

Ha! Well if I ever have another account at an online dating site and get a flood of weirdos coming at me again, I'll send them your way!

 

This is after I get to know them and have decided/acknowledged that I like them or am interested in them as more than a friend. I may feel sexual attraction for people upon seeing them (only for face-to-face interactions), but that doesn't mean I would be interesting in a relationship of any kind with them. And for me, online I haven't ever really felt sexual attraction until I have gotten to know them.

If I was interested in someone who was in a relationship I would wait it out. Most relationships don't last. I wouldn't try to interfere in any way, I may even see people myself, but it is more than likely it wouldn't work out. And if that was the case then I would tell them how I felt once we were both available. If their relationship did work out, or was seeming to, then I would move on. Although I think attraction (whether than be sexual, emotional, mental, etc.) is in part a natural connection to certain people, at the same time I believe we take steps towards deepening attractions. So on the flip side, we can also take steps to lessen that attraction as well.

 

Do you mean you don't know how to ask a person out, or you don't know where to meet people? Both are kind of loaded questions with no "right" answers, though.

 

Not exactly. Or not like that. But there are ways of asking people out without being uncomfortably upfront about it. Something like "Hey, would you want to see a movie/have dinner/meet up to [insert activity here] sometime?" would be very effective, and not actually calling it a date would make it less intimidating and take some of the pressure off. You don't necessarily have to get to know the person well before asking them on a date; getting to know someone is the basic function of dating.

And on a side note, a lot of people get friend-zoned by not realizing that very basic fact of dating. Waiting too long to ask someone out could give them the impression that you're not interested in them romantically. Then by the time you actually ask them out, they're no longer interested. I've learned this from personal experience. When you meet someone you think you could like in that way, it's always best not to wait too long to ask them out.

Again, just my two cents

 

Hopefully she takes the hint!

I've met 3 girlfriends online. Your relationship sounds cute! Don't be put off!

I just signed up to a well known site this evening. There are countless questions - I guess so it can build a profile of me as a person - and it's driving me crazy! Lol. Makes me look like a boring, lazy, frigid simpleton so far. Grrrr!

Lol. My type? Funnily enough my girlfriends were all so different, appearance and personality-wise. I guess I'll let you know either when I find out or if this dating site makes one up from my Q&As. Seems bleak right now though. Lol.


Hey sxc, don't you worry, I've joined the club now so we can all wallow in self pity. He he.