He has a girlfriend...

Even if he IS gay, do you really want to be the guy who tried (or perhaps succeeded) in breaking that relationship up?

 

Depends what your goal is.

How you approach it is going to depend what you want.

Do you want him to think about who he is, or do you want to date him.

 

For the time being, I'd just get to know him and see where the situation goes. Like Ellia said, you don't want to be a homewrecker. But my boyfriend was married when we met (in fact, neither of us had ever been interested in another guy romantically--it was so odd how it happened, but that's another story) and we've now been together almost a year, so things like this do happen, but I wouldn't count on it.

My advice would be to just let his situation play out on its own, and in the meantime continue being friends with him and getting to know him. You never know, maybe he'll make a move on you (like my boyfriend did). You definitely don't want to be the one to break them up, but there's nothing wrong with being available to him if he should decide he's interested in you.

 

He wasn't gay actually. And neither was I. We started out as just platonic friends, no romantic interest on either side. We bonded by sharing things we were trying to deal with with each other. He told me that his marriage was loveless and just for appearances and that he and his wife had been unhappy for several years. I told him I was trying to get over my ex; she cheated on me, got pregnant, told me the baby might not be mine, and left me.

As time went on, things changed. I can't really explain how or why it happened. Neither of us had ever been interested in guys in our lives, and yet we fell for each other. I think I made the first move. I had been at his house hanging out one evening. I was standing at his front door about to leave, he was leaning up again the wall by the door with his arms crossed just smiling. Until that moment he was just a friend. But I suddenly got the urge to kiss him, to see what it would be like. So I walked over to him, grabbed his hips, pulled him toward me, and kissed him. And he kissed me back. We made out for a minute or two. It was a huge risk; he could have freaked out or it could have messed with our friendship, but the payoff made the risk sooooo worth it. Things we just different after that kiss. We started "dating", it got me serious, and now we've been together for almost a year.

(I actually posted our full story here if you want to read it. It's gotten a little complicated lately, but we're still very, very happy together for the most part.)

It's funny how things happen. If you'd asked me a year and a half ago if I'd ever be with a guy, I would have said, "No, I don't see guys that way, but I have no problem with people who are gay." Now I'm wearing a ring on my finger, given to me by a guy. Go figure.

If he's shy, then you could be right about having to make the first move. I'd wait though. If the moment comes when you have the chance to make a move, you'll know it. You don't want to make a move just whenever you feel like it. Like I said, let the situation with his girlfriend play out and see what happens there. You don't want to be a homewrecker. Be hopeful, but don't get your expectations too high. Patience is a virtue; if something with the guy is possible, it may take time for you to know for sure. But as you can see with my story, there can be an amazing payoff

 

No worries, ask all the questions you'd like! Questions and answers are, I would think, why most of us are here

Unfortunately, there aren't really black-and-white signs that a person is interested in the same sex. I mean yeah, there are gays who fit the stereotype that you could probably pick out of the crowd, but then there are also so many people who like the same sex but you'd never, ever know it by looking at or interacting with them. People, and especially their behaviors, are so very, very diverse, so without my knowing this guy it's really hard for me to tell you what to look for to know if he's gay or not.

Offhand, I can think of maybe a couple generic things to look for, like: Does he make a lot of physical contact with other guys? I mean beyond the usual, chummy sort of contact? Sometimes closeted gay guys interested in another guy will make body contact with them in various ways, such as to have their legs touch when they're sitting beside each other. Body contact and body language can say a lot.

Have you seen him "check out" guys? And by that I mean, have you seen him look either lustfully at another guy (maybe yourself?), or has he checked out a guy's ass when the opportunity presented itself? Just like straight guys will look at a girl's chest when given the chance, gay guys check out other guys when they get the chance too. But if they're closeted, they can sometimes be very discreet about this and very good at doing it without others noticing.

You might also look for signs in your interactions with him. Is he different around you, or maybe certain guys, than is he with people in general? Have you seen any behavior that could be interpreted as flirtatious? Not even the most flirtatious guys will flirt with another guy if they're straight. At least not in my experience, anyway.

Also, has he ever talked about homosexuality? Sometimes closeted gay guys will make pointed comments like "I don't have any problem with gay people" or "Being gay doesn't bother me at all, I'm actually fine with it" or things like that. They sometimes say these things as a way to feel out others and see what people around them think of people who are gay. This one isn't a rule, of course (actually none of these are rules), but sometimes this could be a telling sign.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Homosexuality isn't always something that can be detected by others.

 

You can message me if you'd like, no problem at all.

The closeness could mean something... Does he do that with all guys, or just you? Here's something you could try: Next time he's sitting next to you on your love seat playing video games, touch your leg to his, very casually, and see how he reacts. Be casual about it, don't look down at your legs or anything, make it seem like you don't even realize you're doing it and see how he reacts. See if he moves his leg away, or if he lets your let keep touching his. After maybe 10-20 minutes of your legs touching, maybe add just a little bit of pressure, touch your leg a little tighter to his so that he'll start thinking, "Hey, I think he might be doing that on purpose," and then see how he reacts.

Just a little experiment that could tell you what he thinks or feels without being super obvious or putting him on the spot.