So my mom and I were in the car and she brought up that if I were to dress more "lady like" I'd have a boyfriend by now lol. Then somehow the conversation got switched to homosexuals by her. She said she wouldn't know what to so if one of her kids was like that, that it was just sex perversion and it was disgusting. And then I said, well I mean what would you do just write off your kid? My mom answered with this, "I don't know what I would do. There comes a point when you have to draw a line. I mean should I let them around my family and flaunt it? Let them around my grand kids? And what if they have a partner, i can't just say you can come but your partner can't. So there is a line." She basically said she would not let a gay child around the family. She's really religious and it's coming to the time where I will be graduating and turning eighteen in a month. Then I want to come out. I think she knows because of all the talks she has been giving me lately, so is she saying that she will write me off when I come out? What should I do? I don't want to lose my mom over this but I'm not going to pretend to be someone in not.. :help:
She's facing her greatest fear. People say all sorts of things when they are confronted with their biggest fears - the thing to remember is that once they face it (or are forced to face it) after the initial shock they usually realisebit wasn't half as bad as they expected.
My dad used to do the same thing. He wouldn't explicitly talk about homosexuals, but he would make remarks about how I wasn't very tough, or that my tone is very soft. He used to say some pretty mean things to me, and I think it was because he knew that I was gay, and possibly thought that by being mean to me and having me be aware of what he feels about gays would make me reconsider (He thought it was a choice.) When I finally did come out to him (by accident) a few years later he took it better than expect. To be honest, he was a changed person. He comes from a very religious background too (Catholic), so maybe like my dad, your mom will soften up in a few years. I didn't come out until I was 20, which was just 2 years ago. Good Luck!
I'm with Mr. Definitely Unique Username here. Also, once you don't depend on her, there's really not much she can do. If you miss family events, that means you're spared from the casually homophobic remarks and awkward stares. If she cuts you off, she has one less person to help and support her in her old age. If she tries to cure you or kicks you out, it won't matter because you won't be depending on her. However, losing someone close to you is hard. Really hard. But if staying close to her means hiding who you are, the loss is worth it.
That really sucks, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Given how your mom's opinion on being gay is, I would be cautious around what you say and if you are dependent on your parents for financial support, then it would be worth it to hold off on coming out. I would wait until you know for sure that you can support yourself enough where you're not living month to month. After you do come out, your mom doesn't sound like the type to be all accepting all at once. She's still in the mindset that LGBT is the "wrong path," and she might hold that view for the rest of her life. But, at the very least you two can do your best to respect each others' opinions on what the right thing is. I think the right thing is to be true to yourself, and to try to not cut your mom out of your life, but if she's hostile around you then it's ok to limit your time around her. It's emotionally draining being around so much negativity. At the very least, the Bible never condemns homosexuality, but can be interpreted to see gay sex as a sin. The bottom line is, your mom needs to know that being gay by itself is not a sin, it is not a choice, and that she should show love to everyone. I hope things go well!
I think it's awful that she's been giving you these talks. She clearly has an inkling as to your sexuality and I believe she's trying to convince you to change/pretend to be straight before you have the chance to come out as gay. She's scared and doesn't want to face the truth. Would she disown you? Maybe, but I'm more inclined to say no.
I'm so sorry your mom said those things to you. Maybe she does suspect that you're gay and thinks saying these things now will change your mind. As someone who did come out to my family, and lost the relationship I had with my mother I can tell you it is hard, and it does hurt, but over all i am happier since I came out, but I'm also lucky in that I have the support of the rest of my family. If you really feel like she will completely reject you, and you rely on her for support I would wait until you are able to support yourself before you come out. And who knows when you do there is no telling how she will react until she is actually put in that situation. Good luck and don't ever feel rushed to come out, do it on your own time and on your own terms.
My advice is if she will kick you out, wait until you are financially stable and have a place Of your own. The last thing you want to do would be to have to move in with a friend on short notice. As much as you may want to come out, I kind of understand. I am in a similar situation, just nor as serious.
